I had this revelation last Friday when I was in spin class. I was taking class with the one spin instructor that really pushes us (also, she has the hands down best music as in NO marching band stuff). To me this spin instructor looks like this:
That is, she looks like that if Mary Lou was on a bike and trying to whip my ass into shape. Seriously, the instructor is totally buff and small and doesn't have a visible ounce of fat on her as far as I can see. Half way through class I'm standing on the bike, hands in third position (?) whatever it is, I'm leaning over the bike, enjoying some good classic rock, keeping up with the instructor, matching her foot cycles to mine, trying to ignore the distracting lady on my left who could not keep up, listening to the instructor prattle on and on about how she has a formal something or other to go to and how she is going to wear double spanx because she thought had an extra week to lose weight (what weight? from where?) when I had this thought. And the thought that I had was that no matter what anyone looks like, we almost all, with very few exception have some serious issue with the way we look.
And also, right there in the hot sweaty dark damp spin room, I look down and realize that my body, as big as it is right now, was doing everything I demanded of it and I was keeping up with little Mary Lou Retton spin instructor and I saw how good these legs and these lungs and even these brand spanking new abdominal muscles, which are holding me up very nicely as I am not needing to lean hard on my hands, were doing for me, and I felt thankful that even though I put too much food into my mouth, the rest of me is still strong and fit. And I felt pretty damned good about myself. I can tell you that no one else in that spin class was even close to 100 pounds over weight. At most maybe there were a couple of people who cold look like models if they lost 15 pounds. The posh club is not the place for fatties.
And I had this quick little thought celebration for myself, because despite the fact that I am absolutely the odd woman out (and reluctantly self conscious over it) at the posh club, being so heavy and all, I march myself in there time after time, day after day, and do what I need to do to do right by myself in the exercise department.
So for right now, in my never ending effort to STOP beating myself up, I am sitting back and congratulating myself. Also, since this body, my body, heavy or not, is the one and only body I have and am ever going to have, I have decided to treat it with the same positive attitude that I would anyone else's body and I am going to focus on the good. For today I am appreciative that I have a body that is strong and capable and can go to the gym and do the things I ask it to do.
PS I happened to catch 1/2 of Oprah today and I think she is preaching the same train of thought.
Yeah...trashing yourself while you're actually doing your best doesn't help anything. Hey...did you get my email? Did it help? Or..not?
Posted by: "AB" | January 12, 2009 at 09:30 PM
You should be grateful for your body. You may have some aches and pains but it works. You don't have any major debilitating diseases. You are very fit and strong despite the weight. That's a fantastic thing. You're always trying to be fit and going to the gym to strengthen your body. The gym isn't all about losing weight it's about making your muscles stronger and making you physically feel better.
Some people keep gratitude journals to remind them of all that they have in their lives. You do that all the time here on your blog. You're always saying how you're grateful for your friends and your family and your home and all that you have in your life. It's good to read that you're thankful for yourself and your health. :)
Posted by: Laura | January 13, 2009 at 10:51 AM
I'm always torn on this. On the one hand, I want to revel in any little headway I make in losing weight but then I chastise myself for stopping and appreciating it when I should keep pushing myself to lose more. It's tough when society has told you your whole life that women need to look a certain way. Really, I just want to be healthy, you know?
And I would love to take a spinning class but I am afraid I'd die.
Posted by: Claire | January 13, 2009 at 02:41 PM
Just keep spinning! And being nice to yourself.
Posted by: mrs. g. | January 13, 2009 at 08:33 PM
Claire - Why not do both? you can revel in your headway and still push to do more. There's nothing wrong with celebrating what success you have even in small doses. It's a progression. Society is so stuck in pushing and doing and not congratulating ourselves on our little successes. Reveling in the little headway will make you want to keep going.
And spin won't kill you. You can go at your own pace, you don't need to keep up with the instructor or the cyclist next to you. I go and I'm never as fast as the instructor. Sometimes I do the inclines, sometimes I don't. Try it - you might like it. :oD
Posted by: Laura | January 14, 2009 at 05:12 PM