I took dad and the kids to lil sis' house today. The boys love to play with their cousins and also play in lil sis' pool. The kids were frolicking in the pool while depressed me and tired lil sis were trying to have adult type conversation. The boys kept saying something about poop in the pool and to be honest we brushed them off a few times, because we were all like puh-LEASE just give us a minute to talk!! And really, it's lil sis' pool so it wasn't like strangers were stopping by to leave deposits, you know? And then we stopped ignoring the boys and went over to see what they were talking about. Lil sis was dressed n street clothes and she took some goggles to kneel at the side of the pool and stick her head under water. I had my suit on so I grabbed goggles and dove right in. I was about to pick up what I thought might be a rock when I had second thoughts. So I got lil sis' pool net and I scooped up the not a rock and you will not believe what the kids were swimming with. They were swimming with this.
Gross.
Do you think I have to get the kids tested for avian flu?
Grandma needs so much painkiller right now that she is mostly asleep all the time. She is not really eating, so her time is coming soon. I am heading down to see her again on Thursday. Lil sis is coming too. Part of me hopes grandma goes right away and part of me hopes she hangs on until I am home so I can spend more time with her even if she is asleep when I am there. I already miss her, since she hasn't been the vivacious and exciting grandma I adore for so long, but never seeing her again is going to be .... forever and that's worse.
I'm really torn between being here and spending time with dad and being home and saying goodbye to grandma. I don't know what to do anymore. Maybe next week I can bring the whole family home for a few days and then just come back up here for the weekend. I don't think dad wants to go home to Stepford with me because the last time he was there was last fall when mom was still alive and mom and dad still had a tiny thread of hope to hold on to.
Hard, this is so hard. All I want to do is the right thing. I am still living in fear that after all is said and done I will have regrets, and I can't bear the thought of living with regrets. I do recognize that I could be making this more difficult than it has to be, in a way. Can this ever be not difficult?
Tonight there was an orange moon. I have no idea what that means, and please recall that I left my real camera at home, so I didn't even bother attempting a photo, but here is one from the town carnival over the full moon that I took with my crappy point and shoot.
And speaking of the town carnival, I think the full moon made the local kids turn into zombies. Check out Evan's swing mates from the swing ride. Good thing we got away fast after that ride. Really, click on the picture and just look at those ghouls girls.
And since nothing is ever easy, my porch swing that showed up maybe three weeks ago is already getting moldy. Check out what just might push me completely over the edge. And while you are at it, see if you can notice that the mold is on the inside of the woven material too.
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