funeral day

After grandma's funeral I headed right back to utopia. The funeral was a nice funeral. My rabbi from stepford did the ceremony, and that was extra nice for me. It was easier listening to someone I know talk about grandma, who had learned about grandma after chatting with lil sis and me, so all the grandma memories were tailored to everything about grandma that was relevant to me (and lil sis).

If you are wondering, and I would be too, scumcle and the ice queen were there. She shed a tear during the ceremony and I figure it one of three things that got to her. Either she was crying because the pain of her pinky toe sticking sideways out of her strappy orthopedic sandals was too much to bear or she had just realized that she could have been playing tennis instead attending the funeral or it was the realization that she would never again be able to steal anymore jewelry from grandma. Scumcle was basically quiet. He didn't say a word (like "I should pay for that") when the funeral director told him that I had written checks to the funeral home, the cemetery and the rabbi. He did mumble something about mashed potatoes when the rabbi said grandma was a good cook, but the kicker came after the ceremony when the rabbi, in an attempt to comfort me, said what a good job I had done taking care of grandma and how I had gotten her the best care possible, and scumcle hopped right over saying "No, actually, that it isn't true, you see mom was in so much pain...." and I just turned and walked away.

Lil sis and I drove back together. When I got back to utopia I walked into the house, dropped into my bed, slept on and off for 2 hours, only waking briefly to see what kind of steel (yes, steel!) jewelry they were hawking on one of the shopping channels. I might need some of that.

I had a girls night out planned with some utopian friends for tonight. They gave me the chance to back out, but I said I needed to go. We went out to dinner and a movie. We saw momma mia which was a movie the husband would have never seen, and now I know why. I will say that Pierce Brosnan should be forbidden from ever singing again, that Meryl Streep can really sing and I, being recently unmothered and all, probably should not have seen a movie whose theme was that a mother is all you really need. It was cheesy and silly and I will most likely be downloading abba songs of my youth in the morning.

Now I am reluctant to go to sleep, just like I was right after mom died. I don't know what it is, but going to sleep .... I just don't want to do it! Nights suck for me these days.

Comments

[Bloggymommer]

Awww, hang in there.

Treat yourself to some lemon-balm? It helped me when you suggested it last year.

[danelle]

When I get down I can't sleep either. Some people who get depressed or whatever sleep all the time but to me, the feeling of doom I get when I wake up is something to avoid, so I just don't sleep.

You really do deserve a break, please do something nice for yourself.

[Pocklock]

So sorry to hear about Grandma.

Take care of yourself.

[Scribers Web]

Hang in there. Try some warm milk before you go to bed. Maybe that will help.