to my daddy

Here is something you do not know about my dad. He is not my biological dad. Technically he is my step dad. Here is how he came to be my step dad. When I was three it became clear to my mom that she had to kick my no-good biological father out. He wouldn't stop sleeping with his assistant. It might have been worse than that, because scumcle told me once that he had other additional suspicions, but they have not been confirmed by mom, who does not speak of the past.

So my mom was single for a year, and scraping by with much help ($) from the grandparents when grandpa sat mom down and told her she had to get on with her life and he sent mom and her girlfriend on a vacation to Puerto Rico. During that vacation mom's friend got too much sun or something and did not want to go down for dinner one night, so mom went down to dinner all by herself. When mom sauntered into the nicest restaurant in the hotel unescorted the maitre d asked her if she would like to see if his friend who was hosting a party would invite mom to their table. Mom said that was fine, and the friend throwing the party was dad. Back then dad was a big shot around the hotel. Now, when I was a kid and dad told me this story he said he took one look at mom and knew he was the looking at the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. As an adult I heard the truth which was way less romantic, and went something like, dad's friend liked mom but mom didn't like him but kept hanging out with dad's group and eventually dad and mom got together.

But once they came home and started dating mom fell for dad fast and hard. At the time I was 4 and lil sis was 2, so mom figured it was all going to be too good to be true and early on after one of their dates she brought dad home so he could see the package deal that mom, with two little kids, was. Mom figured she would rather scare him off sooner rather than later and avoid the whole broken heart thing. Now, here comes the part where you get to fall in love with dad too. Mom and dad come back to our apartment, they send the baby sitter home and mom leads dad over to the bedroom where lil sis and I are fast asleep and she opens the door for him to see us. He says nothing for the longest time and mom can't tell what dad is thinking, but then she sees a tear run down his cheek and she asks him what he is thinking and dad says that he can't imagine how any man could walk away from us.

I know, I know. I'm crying so hard I can hardly see the key board through the tears and I know how it turns out!

Anyway, mom and dad fall in love fall in love, birthdays get really good around our apartment because dad is in the board of directors of a stuffed animal company! He was like a knight in shining armor coming to rescue the three of us. He was nice and kind and fun and full of love for all of us. Also, even as a kid I recognized how happy mom was because this guy was in her life. Before dad ever proposed to mom I proposed to him. I'll never forget taking him aside, taking his hands, and asking him to marry mom. I don't remember what he said but it was reassuring and I remember him giving me a big smile right back. I knew he was going to ask her and I couldn't have been happier.

They got married right after my seventh birthday. Right before the wedding I asked him if I could call him dad. He was so flattered and said that I could. But we had been calling him by his name for 3 years by then so when ever we called him by his name he'd say "who?" until we made the transition. On the day of their wedding we all piled into a taxi to go to the temple for their small family only ceremony and I was so excited that I told the cab driver "My mom and dad are getting married today!" I hear the look that the cabbie shot dad could have melted steel.

So, dad, who was not allowed to adopt us by my bio-father even though bio guy had little interest in being our father, became our father by actions and not by biology or by name. And for my whole life from age 7 on dad was simply my dad. Dad did all the dad things. And I never thought of him as anything other than or less than or different than "My Dad."

When I turned 18 I changed my last name so we could have the same name. Lil sis did the same when she turned 18. Dad came to birthday parties, school conferences, and graduations, dad drove me to college, and dad walked me down the aisle. When I needed job advice I went to dad. Dad is the grandfather to my kids.

So my heart is with my dad today because he was my dad, and a fine dad too, when really, being my dad was optional. Happy fathers day dad, you are the best.

Comments

[Shamelessly Sassy]

This was a beautiful post!

[Laura]

I'm sitting here crying. This is such a great testament to your father. I hope you print this out and mail it to him.

My cousin had the same problem as your mom. And in the beginning her two little girls called George, well, George. Their bio-dad did relinquish custody though. My cousin had to fly to Israel to get him to do it, but he did it. Now George is dad. And he has been for at leas 15 years now.

There are a lot of stand up guys out there. Enjoy your dad.

[Janet]

This is a beautiful story of love. And, I'm so sorry to read about your Mom. All the best.