And I thought I was stress tired before! HA!
I am still walking around in a total disbelief induced haze. I tried to explain this feeling to Matt today and I told him how it's like I have a life map and the life map is everything that is true in my life and someone just snuck right in while my back was turned and I was feeling all safe and sound and that someone went and erased this right now part of my map. And now I am standing here and I am looking at my life map and there is a big empty blank part and I think that maybe I have to grab a pencil and get to work and start this damaged section over but I am just not sure how to do it or what to put in the empty spot. I'm frozen. And I can hardly think. So right now there is lots of nothingness on my map. Because my map was partially erased. And I am not sure what goes in the blank spot. And I don't know when it gets filled in again or even who's job it is to do that. I just don't know how to reconnect the dots.
sigh.
And Matt, my sweet baby Matt, is going to his sleep away camp tomorrow. And I'm not sure how that is going to be for me this year, since without the map and all I just kind of want to knit my kids into a big blanket and wrap them around my very tired shoulders while I sit here rocking back and forth trying to digest what happened and trying to figure out what the next move is. Letting matt go to camp is kind of like being the camper who accidentally falls asleep and lets the campfire go out. It seems like a really dismal prospect. For me. He's going to have a great time.
sigh again.
hang in there! you're doing great! you're not "supposed" to BE anything or DO anything. Whatever you're doing is great. You will get past this.
Love and Hugs!!!
Laura
Posted by: Laura | June 22, 2008 at 12:56 AM