I get this nice "Matt and me" time in the mornings since I don't wake Evan or Josh up until I return from dropping Matt off at school. And most every day I really savor the short time Matt and I have together in the car going to school. Today was one of those nice perfect savoring days. As a matter of fact, as we neared the school driveway I kind of even sighed in my own head thinking how delightful his company had been on my first morning back with the living. (I was SO sick people!!) The rain had stopped, my sun roof was open, the temp was perfect. Once in the school driveway, but not close enough to the entrance for me to actually give him the boot, Matt, announced, "I can't believe that Elton John would use such a word in such a common every day way in a song." The radio had been quietly playing in the background during this tender mother son bonding drive to school. I say "huh? What word?" and Matt says "Vaj-a-bond."
This is the part where I have to split things up into two distinct categories. "WIS" is What I Said and "WWGOIMH" is What Was Going On In My Head.. Okay? Fasten your seat belts. Here we go.....
WIS: How could Elton what?
WWGOIMH: Elton, how could you get so Disney?!
WIS: Oh, you....
WWGOIMH: Vaj? Why did he say it so wrong?
WIS: mean vagabond, that's what you call a....
WWGOIMH: Oh, he read it off the satellite radio player. How cute.
WIS: homeless, wandering.....
WWGOIMH: Vaj. Badge. Madge. Oh, I remember when I loved Madonna.
WIS: person..... you say it vag-a-bond.
WWGOIMH: Vaj? Hey..... that sounds like vaj from vagina! !!!!!!!!!!!! Wait a minute!
WIS: Matt, what did you think it means?
WWGOIMH: Matt=15=horny boy=everything sexual
WIS: ma... (stifle laughter) ma.... (stifle laughter) Matt!
WWGOIMH: He thought Elton was singing about Vaginas!
(Just then I am close enough for Matt and his seriously red cheeks to make a run for it before I fully explode into fits of laughter and Matt seizes the opportunity. He dives for the door handle. I choke back the guffaws. He slams the door. Tears begin to roll down my cheeks. But Matt forgot his umbrella! He shoots me the "Mom! Don't scar me for life look, and reaches for the door, when I .....)
WIS: BWAH HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I then proceeded to laugh myself silly driving down the eternal HS driveway (sun roof open- everyone hears).
I laughed all the way home. I almost had to pull over on the side of the road I was tearing/shaking/laughing so much. I had giggle fits all day long just whispering to myself "vaj-a-bond".
In the meantime have come up with some....
Suggested uses for Vaj-a-bond:
1. Make sure your daughter returns from that date a virgin! Try Vaj-a-bond!
2. Tough time delivering that 10 pound kid? Try Vaj-a-bond!
3. Pre-term labor? No Problem! Try Vaj-a-bond!
4. Undies won't stay up? No Problem! Try Vaj-a-bond!
Maybe you have some ideas too!
Grandma needs to go and no one cares? Vaj-a-bond!
Posted by: danelle | June 04, 2008 at 11:47 PM