It was hard for me to decide what I wanted to do today. I am really trying not to sink into a depression.
Maybe it's not a depression exactly, more like a I am completely overwhelmed and paralyzed from thinking about what the next year or two will bring. I secretly keep thinking that eventually I will be going to 3 funerals in a very short period of time. But maybe it won't be so soon, and I would hate to spend the next year holding my breath and not being as engaged as I could be if nothing horrible is going to happen "soon."
Right now I am walking around feeling like I can just obey orders. If someone asks me to be somewhere and do something at a certain time I can do it. But asking me to be as creative as coming up with my own thing to do feels impossible. We didn't have anything special planned for today (ahem husband) and I really wanted Matt to go to the gym. So I went to the gym with Matt. And it was completely weird to be next to him on the elliptical machine. Usually I tune out the whole room, but today he kept tapping me on the shoulder to share my water bottle. Which was fine, just weird.
Then we came home and showered and didn't know what to do for the rest of the day. So I thought and thought, and I had been secretly hoping for rain so we could go to the movies. That is always such an easy choice, but it wasn't rainy, and these days it is a bit of a challenge to find stuff to do that all ages of our family find agreeable, and then it hit me like a bolt of lightning. We took the kids to the near-by cheesy rinky dink amusement park.
And I got to watch my kids laugh and giggle for a couple of hours. Other than the not so proud 3 minutes of me laughing my hysterical hyena laugh of terror on the free fall ride, I had a lovely time watching my kids enjoying themselves. It was totally what I needed. Imagine the expression of pure heaven on Evan's face as he rammed his bumper car into strangers, or the tenderness of Matt as he rode the little kiddy roller coaster for Josh's sake, or the bittersweet (my baby is SO growing up) uttering of Josh, my baby, on that same kiddee roller coaster when just before the ride began he leaned in to Evan, who he was sharing his seat with and said "Evan, dude, this is going to be one bad ass ride. Am I right?"
Happy Mothers Day to all the mothers out there.
Yay for you! What a great way to spend the day! I'm glad you had fun!
Posted by: Suzanne | May 12, 2008 at 10:07 AM
glad you had fun! You should totally get a spa day for yourself. You must have a neighbor who can watch the kids while you get a massage, no?? Or... Matt can babysit for a few hours, can't he? I totally want you to get a reflexology massage. You need something relaxing!!! - Okay enough of me (a total stranger) tell you what to do.
Glad you had fun at the kiddie park. Josh sounds just yummy :)
Posted by: Laura | May 12, 2008 at 10:55 AM