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April 10, 2008


Well I can't tell yo how I did it because I haven't. I can say, however, that I could only hope to handle it with an ounce of the kindness and grace that you have. These people are so lucky to have you in their lives, and with the exception of grandma, they don't even realize it.

We shouldn't have to do these things at all, but we do. Its what makes us human. The best I can offer you is that you learn from it, and then when someone else you know goes through it, you can be there for them, and offer them grace.

What a heavy weight you are carrying. I am so sorry. My grandmother is also around 95 years old, and her health is declining. However, she lives with my mom so that helps with the memory loss, and disorientation. It kills me that I cannot see her everyday (they live in another state), as she was the woman who ultimately raised me while my parents worked all the time. What I wish I could do now is have my daughter see her as much as possible. See her, hear her voice, and have her arms hold her. Those are the things that we remember and never regret. I wish I had more words of advice. Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts. *hugs*.

damn. this sucks. really.
i wish you didn't have to go through this. at all.
i'm not sure if i have any good advice or not, but i'll share with you some of my thoughts.
i have been through a LOT of sickness and death in my famiy and friends... it is the worst and honestly there is no right or wrong thing to do... it is what you feel is right, in your heart, what makes you feel happy and your family memeber too. do what works the best for you and your children and your family. no one can judge you and no one can tell you what you need to do.
spend lots of time with them, if you can. if you can't,if it just kills you then do what you have to do... my husband could NOT go see his grandfather when they thought he was going to die, he just could NOT do it... so that is okay. everyone else thought he should and that he had to do it... and all that... laid on a guilt trip like you could NOT believe, but whatever that was his choice, what he had to do and what he could handle and not handle. he didn't not go b/c he didn't love him... he didn't go b/c he loved him too much. make sense??
smile and remember all the good things and times, and share those stories.
Tell them all how much you love them! No matter how many times you have said it, say it again and often.
Take pictures and write memories down. Make new happy memories. and know that no matter what you do or what any one tells you it does suck. you will feel hurt, sad, angry and alone some days, and some days you will feel okay and happy and remember them and smile... that is okay too. :)
and remember always that you aren't alone, that you have friends and blog friends to turn to, don't keep any of it in... you can't. it is too much to handle.
and also people will say stupid things to you... please forgive them, they usually mean well and just don't know what to say to you about all this.
lots of love, and i hope this helps some what ~ jenn

I'm still reeling from the recent diagnosis of Stage IV lung cancer in my dad. I feel your pain, and I cannot imagine what I am going through times three. I know that the support of my friends and church have been an enormous help and comfort. When people offer to help, I let them. And I am trying to remember to take care of myself, too. I recommend you do the same. Hang in there, and my prayers are with you....

Just came here through NaBloPoMo's blogroll. (Hi!)

I was going to say most of what Jenn said. Spend as much time with them as you can (if you're comfortable with that.) You'll never regret spending too *much* time with them. Tell them you love them. Show them you love them. Just be with them. Hang out. Hug them, hold them, touch them. If they're not touchy-feely type people then try to get them in the habit of at least a hug hello and/or goodbye. You'd be surprised how many people will respond and just never did it because they didn't know how to initiate it. With my Dad (who is still alive) I made a joke out of it "Here it comes! I'm going to hug you now!" ;)

The best thing you can be is someone who loves them and surrounds them with kindness, patience, and warmth, without their feeling like you're talking down to them or pitying them. Sympathizing, sure. That's different than feeling sorry for them.

Also talk to them about what's happening if they want to. Ask questions. When friends of mine are in chemo I am very direct. I ask them about it just as I might ask someone questions about a broken leg. "How's the prostate? Can you pee on your own yet? Is it still leaking? That must be annoying." -I know it sounds funny. But they're just body parts and medical procedures. They think and talk about them with doctors. Why not with family or friends? (Well, usually because nobody asks or because they're embarrassed!) But you'd ask if it was a broken arm or finger wouldn't you? Ask them any questions you want. Start small and see how they respond. If they're comfortable talking about their treatment or its effects, ask more.

For yourself, I haven't read your blog enough to know if you're in any support groups but if your'e not, find one. Online or in person. Other people going through what you are. I think that might help too.

I wish you as much peace as possible at a time like this.

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