trashy

Dear Garbage Men,

Seriously?

I mean really and truly SERIOUSLY?? Did we actually some how offend your trash collecting sensibilities with our garbage and to show us how your delicate feelings were ever so slightly dented (much like my rubber plastic cans have managed to become at your hand) you felt it was necessary to leave my trash can in the exact center of the driveway making it not possible for me to pass after coming home from an exhausting day of visitng my depressed grandmother in the rehab, straightening out grandma's bank records, dealing with Natasha about getting grandma back to the OFH, finding and paying for an aide to sit in grandma's room while she sleeps once back at the OFH just in case she gets up in the middle of the night to pee because Natasha said that was a prerequisite for grandma's return and also fighting the crowds in Whole Foods because when I did my shopping yesterday and thought I was coming home prepared for today's nourishment requiremnts since I bought the pickles, onions, tomatoes, and lettuce for the burgers I planned on serving up tonight and I forget the meat? And I was only coming home for a quick and purposeful 20 minutes to throw a load of grandma's laundry into the washer and put the meat in the fridge before I had to pick up the kids from school. So you can imagine the light and airy mood (Who me? Stress?) I was in when I drove up and saw the can blocking my entry.

Because I am the scientifically minded kind of gal that I am I took a glance up and down the block and (survey says!) all of my neighbors trash cans stood conveniently by the side of each drive way not blocking each respective homeowners from driving all the way to their own overcrowded garages. WTF trashman?

While I am at it trash guy why can't you lift a trashcan? Aren't you supposed to be all strong and manly and be able to pick up a can so that the few discarded drink containers that had been removed from my vehicle and are now at the bottom of our drag to the curb trash can, the one you are supposed to empty (empty being the operative word in that sentence) so said beverage containers can rot within the confines of your stinky truck instead of in the bottom of my trashcan alongside my pristine manicured (by "professionals" who just happen to winter below the equator) lawn, and stink up an otherwise picture postcard side yard. Why do you lift each kitchen trash bag individually and oh so gingerly one at a time and toss those light weights into your truck? Wouldn't it be easier to lift the whole can up and do it all in one thorough dump? That's how they do it on TV. (When they aren't discovering murder victims, babies, and a whole plethora of case solving evidence)

I hope that when you close your eyes and fall asleep tonight you dream about the can you left in the middle of the driveway and somehow your conscience tells you that while you were being mean and vindictive, for what reason I do not know, I was helping grandma out of her wheelchair and into her rehab bed while wondering how in the world we are going to pay for all the additional charges they are sticking us with at the old folks home. But probably not, because I am sure that in reality you are more likely to be thinking "Wow, only two quarts of cheap whiskey and the room is spinning" or "Hello righty, looking good tonight." or even "I don't smell! I told my wife I didn't need a shower after work. She's just hassling me again!"

Also, I wouldn't put it past me to take time out of my busy schedule to wrap up a few cinder blocks in some spare bubble wrap and hide them in some industrial strength contractor bags with the rest of the household trash. Also, maybe some broken glass and rotten eggs. Just saying. Call it a truce man.

Don't tempt me.

Mrs. C.Mom

Comments

[lilsis]

don't get me started on the Refuse Industry............

[danelle]

Oh the cinder blocks are a GREAT idea!