When I lived in Manhattan with the husband (pre-kids) we had this adorable (code for really small, mouse infested with low ceilings) garden apartment. Our garden neighbor had an uncharacteristically vicious pug (No, seriously, this pug would chew your pinky toe off in a heart beat! Folks were afraid to wear sandals in the hallway!) who went all psycho through a crack in our fence every (freaking minute of every freaking day) time our dog was in our back yard. Someone once mentioned that tylenol was toxic to dogs so the running shared fantasy in our house was tossing tylenol laced steaks to the pug next door in order to get a good night's sleep. Oh stop, we didn't do it!
So, back to the present, on that fateful day when the chiro told me that the vials indicated cancer of THE SPOT he also tested out some of the supplements he hawks to us believers as a side gig. He declared one such over priced immune boosting supplement would help me in this battle and I figured I was good for a bottle. You know, I figured I'd take a bottle for the cause (which I suspect is a vehicular upgrade for the chiro, but you know, I adore his magic hands, so whatever) Now these excellent supplements that are somehow every allergen free yet are also food based which means that in retrospect it was stupid for me to leave the bottle (cap on and all but still) of supplementation out on the kitchen table where a four legged devil could potentially jump up and thieve them away in the night. Which is exactly what happened, except it happened in the day, but the night has so much more drama to it, no?
So, sometime after the crime occurred I am in the front entry of my home and I spy a chewed up medicine looking bottle on the floor and for a second I'm thinking that maybe, oh maybe, someone with four legs got a big old bottle of tylenol, and she's been pissing me off lately and my first thought was not to do anything, but then my big old conscience set in and I pried the chewed up bottle apart to see what it contained back when no one had chewed the label off of it yet only find 4 of the really expensive chiro cancer fighting vitamins left in the bottom of the bottle. I almost gave the devil a tylenol enhanced steak right there on the spot, but instead (also because I didn't have a steak handy) I just glared at her a lot (and maybe once I tried to get her with the twisted up towel, locker room style, but Evan thought I was aiming at him and made a big to do over it so I stopped) and the devil knows what that stare down means coming from the one who dispenses sustenance so she wisely kept her distance.
I figured the devil wasn't going to die or anything so I did nothing about the vitamins. Then I crated her up for the night and went upstairs to hopefully have a decent night's sleep since the husband is at a conference and I have the whole bed to my blissful non snoring, non bed hogging, non blanket grabbing self. Oh joy! But you know what happens when clickmom fantasizes about a good night's sleep right? I ignored her caged cries when she started whining at midnight and I ignored her again around 4, but when she heard me tip toeing to the bathroom at 6 I knew her cries were serious. I came down stairs and let her out. She dashed to the backyard and proceeded to squat and squat and squat in the first available (and squat) open patch of (squat) green for a good (squat) 15 minutes. And if you happened to hear someone yelling between 6:01 and 6:15 this morning it may or may not have been me shouting "And I hope it burns too! Bwah ha ha ha!"
Don't worry about the devil's feelings she paid us back all morning with farts that made our eyes water from 3 rooms away.
that is crazy. isn't it amazing what pests... oh i mean pets will get into?? damn animals. i hope all works out okay for all of you.
hugs jenn
PS i'm sending you a virtual gas mask... i think you all might need one. lol
Posted by: Jennifer | February 05, 2008 at 11:37 AM
*snort*
But just think...your dog will probably never get cancer. Unless those pills *cause* cancer in dogs, in which case you're pretty much screwed.
Posted by: Jenny | February 05, 2008 at 03:09 PM
Sounds like those cancer fighting pills were really major diuretics! ....and maybe laced with some Ex-lax.
Posted by: Sandy (Momisodes) | February 05, 2008 at 10:03 PM
I went from No Pets to living in a house with two dogs (outside), four cats(outside)a snake and a bearded dragon lizard. Everyon one of them adds more crazy to our lives.
Posted by: Mrs. Ian Cusick Beaverhausen | February 06, 2008 at 12:23 AM
I'm still laughing.....thanks for that....
:)
Posted by: Suzanne Says... | February 06, 2008 at 01:59 AM