lotioning

The other day in the locker room at the posh club I happened to (stare right at in a possibly creepy kid of way) noticed a lady applying lotion after her shower. This lady applied lotion to every single skin cell not considered a mucous membrane on her entire body. And I thought "Hmm, I only apply lotion to the areas of skin that are typically not covered my very matronly bathing suits. Maybe I have missed something (yet again) in the "How to be a girl" handbook." So I went home and investigated the need for moisturizer on my tushy.

To be honest with you folks, my bottom did not appear (no snake skin like on my legs) and did not feel (yup, it was already nice and soft despite the lack of body lotion) to need any additional hydration, but after my shower the next morning I went ahead and lotioned it right up just to see what I have been missing out on all these years of creaming neglect. Well, to say that I was less than impressed is an understatement. Maybe it is because all my creams are serious heavy duty kind of creams, or maybe it is because I am some kind of freak who doesn't like yanking my granny panties up over a moist/tacky/lotioned up butt all morning, but what ever the reason, after that experiment I figured I was done with creaming my bottom for ever.

Then I happened to buy (don't hate me!) an O magazine. Usually if I am going to read something that far below my reading level it is going to have some really good celebrity gossip in it (and pictures of those scandalous celebs too!), but O lured me in with a promise of higher energy (4 hidden causes of fatigue) and I tossed it up there right on top of my kale (leafy greens=fountain of youth) and brought it home. Well, according to someone who was interviewed for O magazine, there is such a thing as LOTION THERAPY and in lotion therapy you have to lotion up every inch of yourself every day so that your previously fat self can reconnect with the newly trimmer self you have become. And I thought "Oh No! Now I will be psychologically fat forever!" But I thought it was interesting in a sponsored by vaseline intensive care kind of way. I'm still not lotioning my butt again.

In the mean time all 4 of those hidden causes require a trip to the doctor and some tests to diagnose but the one I am seriously thinking just might be a cause for me is the thyroid one. In a surprise move which shocked even myself, yesterday , instead of basking in the new coolness that is my folks aren't here to run the electric fireplace 13 hours a day, I turned the thermostat up. And worse, I didn't notice it had gotten a bit um... hot in the house. Then the husband came home and nearly fainted before he managed to strip down into his boxers and an undershirt. And I had admit that I have not been the usual hot potato I have been most of my life. Also, all this exercise I have been doing is paying off in more muscle tone, but the scales have not budged despite the fact that I have been off sugar since the week before Thanksgiving.

So, me and my naturally smooth butt will be heading off to the doctors soon. I think a nice round of tests is in order.

Comments

[AB]

I feel guilt for not lotioning my arms more than I do. I don't pamper myself enough. One day I'll be sorry...especially my skin. I tend to forget until I see someone else putting lotion on their hands and then I remember that I should be doing the same.

[Kristy]

Lotion on the butt? I'm not even going to entertain the thought of trying this..not even once. And I thought I applied lotion's liberally...entire legs and arms...that's liberally to me. I also do not apply to my body..just the extremities. And especially the feet.

If I was a butt lotion applier..I would never do that in a public place. That lady has balls. Did you notice any balls?