a photo by any other name... is it still my photo?

The friends we went to Alaska with (1 1/2 years ago) were here today and I sat down at my computer to burn some of the Alaska photos I took on that vacation for them. I was so inspired by my awesome shots that I decided I have to push myself to do more landscape stuff. I'm good. I think I'm really good, (okay, really, I think I am awesome) and part of our conversation with the friends today was how artists tend to be really bad at business and need some kind of manager to push them along. My hand was raised. Guilty. I can not promote myself. Nor can I seem to put my own private photography (aside from the occasional portrait work that falls into my lap) anywhere on my priority list. Hopefully that will work itself out as my folks resettle them selves back in Florida. I was looking at the class list from a local art center and am toying with the idea of signing up for an advanced study photo class. I think I need that kind of kick in the butt. If I have to attend a critique each week, then I will have to produce some work to be critiqued. Logical, right?

After the visiting family left, I was so inspired by my own work that I took two of the shots that I had printed out a long time ago, framed them and hung them up in my studio. (They look great, if I do say so myself. As a matter of fact, the whole wall, which has an small assortment of other stuff on it too, looks pretty damned great, and now I really want to get to work.) But here is the thing. I couldn't bring myself to write my married name on the mat for the photo. So I wrote my maiden name. And I feel totally guilty about it. Except the truth is that I have a huge hang up about my married name. Huge.

First I can tell you that my third grade best friend had my married surname and her mother was the meanest nastiest mother I could ever imagine. As a kid I feared her. I'd shake if she made eye contact with me. Seriously, you can not imagine a mother openly despising her kid more than the mother of my 3rd grade best friend (who had my husband's surname) hated her own kid. This mother made every single Disney step-mother look like Mother Theresa. Seriously. Even my mother admits it, and they were kind of friends back then. So, I have a bad association with the name. It's like calling me Mrs. Evil.

And then there is this other aspect of the hang up: When I became a photographer I was still me with my maiden name. And choosing photography was not an easy breezy choice for me to declare having my parents for parents. They just didn't know how I could possibly make a living if I didn't graduate college with a Dr., a J.D, or an Mrs. I had to defend my choice every step of the way. It was part of me finally standing up for a tiny bit of myself (that previously unrecognized by anyone but grandma creative part) for the very first time. But I gotta tell you, once I took that first photo 101 class I was declaring myself a photo major before we even got to midterm exams. That was how sure I was. That is how photography touched me. Once I had gotten my feet wet there was nothing else I was going to study.

So I was very active, photographically, all through college and then not afterwards. You see I worked so hard and for so many publications during school that I just wanted to take a little time off ina mindless (head banging boring) job before jumping back into the trenches. And then just as I got my self back into photography (working for a local paper in Brooklyn and freelancing for the Botanical Gardens there too) I met the husband, moved in with him in Manhattan (and away from the two freelance positions I had just accepted) and lost touch with photography again. The year was 1989. Then I became a teacher, got married, I was guilted into changing my last name by the husband (he is so going to deny that one!), then the husband left my beloved trusty all metal body perfect Nikon FE2 camera on a train in Italy (he can't believe that I can not let go of that! But I say why not just leave my left foot on the train!), I had Matt, had Evan, moved to the burbs, had Josh, and then finally re-sparked my love of all things photo in 2001 when I volunteered to be the publicity volunteer for Matt's school. I was hired by the paper 9 months later, and the rest just fell into place.

But here is the thing, me as my married name is many things, but not a photographer in my own mind. Me as my maiden name is the me who is a photographer. And not only is me as my maiden name a photographer, me as my maiden is a photographer who can take a stand for herself. Me as my married name is never putting myself first. Me as my married name is actually hardly her own person at all. Me as my married name is someone's wife, someone's mom and some other me-ish but not totally me stuff like the class party snack maker. So I think I need to be me as my maiden name (I miss that me) when it comes to my photos. Or maybe I am just being ridiculous.

What do you think? (About the name thing.) Here are the two photos I put up on my wall today.

Comments

[danelle]

Great pictures! I love scenery pictures, I take way too many myself - which is unfortunate because I haven't left my hometown in like 10 years...lol

As for the name thing - I am still using my name from my first marriage because every damn thing in my life is attached to it since I was married for 14 years. I hate the man, hate the marriage but the name is ok. I look at it as "who cares".

I do agree that our married name hangs a moniker of "belonging" to someone else on us - or at the very least showing that we used to be one thing, (ourselves) and now are something else (wife, mom).

It makes me really mad when husbands insist that their wives change their name - what kind of fucked up machismo shit is that? Why don't you worry about what's important like the length of your kids hair?! (ha couldn't resist)..

Do what *you* want with your names, I like that you keep your maiden name as a photographer and I hope you keep doing that. Besides if you ever make it "big" it will too confusing to your collectors to have two names floating around.

[Laura]

I don't think keeping your maiden name for your photos is a bad thing. I have a girlfriend who kept her maiden name at work for her email and her business cards because everyone knows her that way. She built a reputation on her maiden name. No one in her industry knows her by her married name. But she changed her SS Card and her driver's license and passport. When she makes dinner reservations their under the married name. But in business she uses her maiden name. Nothing wrong with that.

Ask the husband if he would have wanted to change his mname after gaining a reputation in his world? Highly unlikely. So you shouldn 't be expected to either and you shouldn't be made to feel guilty.

[maya]

if it were me, i would do whichever would keep my marriage happier in the long run. but i would expect my husband to do the same.

if you change your name, you will get used to it eventually. or change the name personally, but keep the photography name your maiden name. there is something to be said for being able to let go of the things that held you back in the past, though.