I haven't been posting lately because there is bad news.
Dad's prostate cancer, which he originally battled about 11 years ago, is back. We don't know much yet because dad hasn't sat down with the doctor to discuss test results. He did however get a look at the test results and from what he could tell the cancer spread to his spine and rib cage. On the day that they got the bad news mom was understandably beside herself. Dad is acting pretty confident and cavalier about the whole thing.
Mom left the room periodically to cry all by herself on that first night, and when I followed her to offer some comfort she told me that the only reason she even wanted to live and was suffering through the treatment for her own cancer is to be here for dad.
Knowing that this is the absolute truth I have once again, as is so common in my life, been reduced to the status of chopped liver bringing my kids, her grandkids, along with me (since apparently having half a dozen grandkids between me and lil sis does not give my mother inspiration to carry on) and I have to admit that hearing those words come out of her mouth, and knowing in my heart that it was very much her being honest and that it is her reality, has hurt me deeply.
And the woman, who happens to have given me life, who does not count me or my babies in as a reason to go on living is not only residing under my roof but I have been and still am fully prepared to do what ever it takes to do the right thing by her through this illness. Only now there is a little dead spot in my heart where the knife went in.
Comments