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July 31, 2007


There is a monologue from the movie Boiler Room referring to the attitude to "act as if". I think about that phrase all the time when I am feeling like I don't fit in, or when my esteem is low, low low...

Hope it's ok to reprint it here.

"JIM: I want to talk to you about appearance. Most of you dress like shit. I don't know what your financial situation is like right now but you need to buy at least one decent suit. There is a minimum level of aesthetic professionalism that we have here. In a couple of months you'll be able to outfit your whole closet, but for now just get something to hold you over. There's an important phrase that we use here and I think it's time you all learned it. "Act as if". Do you understand what that means? Act as if you are the fucking president of this firm. Act as if you have a nine inch cock. Act as if. ACT AS IF!! To do this properly you need to at least look the part. So go get dressed."

I think we all walk that line sometimes. Both my husband's family and mine all hail from The South, and in The South, appearances are more important than truth. You hold your head up high and keep the silver polished, regardless. Me being the emotional wreck that I often am, I have a hard time with this, as part of me wants the world to know my pain, but the more dignified part of me says suck it up, bitch. You don't need these people to hold you up, so don't bring them down with your crap.
I imagine no small part of your ability to "look together" comes from having lived in a city like New York, where nobody really cares. I wish I had it, frankly.

This post makeds me want to fold you up and completely cover you in a hug so you are safe and cocooned. But you don't need that (except maybe from the boys) You ARE strong. And you are stronger than you think you are.

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