When your first kid starts talking with meaning it is a beautiful thing. It means that you, the mom connect with this person who has redefined love and the meaning of life for you in a whole new way. I'll never forget the first time I knew that Matt was communicating with me. One of his first words was "KEYS", which made sense since we were still living in Brooklyn at the time and we needed keys to get into our building, open our mail box, and enter our apartment. One evening I was trying to feed Matt and he kept saying "keys...keys" and eventually I realized that my keys were lying near by and he was gesturing towards them. I burst into tears at this meaningful communication saying "Yes, mommy's keys, those are keys!" I remember it warmly.
The other beautiful thing is when your kid begins to entertain himself. Josh has recently discovered that he can play video games, maybe all those times that Matt, not wanting to share, had Josh convinced was controlling the game using his mind powers helped to somehow sharpen Josh's skills. The first day he played all afternoon I got a kick out of Josh playing video games for hours on end. The second day he played all afternoon I got annoyed that he cried every time I tried to make him eat. The third day I began to get worried. My kid is hooked. We were going to have a problem.
Back to the talking thing, once the talking thing really settles in, a mom uses her specially designed mom hearing to isolate the warning words. The warning words come early and often. We moms automatically snap to attention at words like "uh oh" "poop" and "whoops" all these worse and other similar ones depending on your particular family's vocabulary habits require further investigation. As the children develop, siblings arrive, or playdates become more casual and less supervised, a moms special hearing powers adjusts to compensate for play screams, imaginary play and other potentially frightening sounds. Now, each family will have their own unique warning words and/or phrases but some of the more universal ones are "don't tell mom.." whisper/giggle combinations, silence (oh, beware the silence), "omigod" combined with crashing noises, "omigod" combined with guilty giggles, and the one that sends terror through my own personal heart "omigod" combined with "poop". Any one or all of the forementioned word/sound combinations can serve as a red flag for a number of potentially mischievious situations.
This morning, I thought I had our routine running smooothly. Evan was already at school, Josh was fed, dressed and sneakered up, and Matt had pried himself off the couch and was sullenly heading towards the door ready to be driven to school himself. There was a small amount of confusion because the house cleaners were here running a vacuum, but when I heard the "omigod" and "poop" combination I knew it was going to be trouble. The words came from Matt's mouth, and he was standing in the playroom doorway looking towards Josh and the devil dog. What he actually said was "Omigod, Devil Dog just pooped in the playroom and now she's eating it!!" My first thought was "Yeah! A poop eating dog is a deal breaker now we can ditch her!" but then I realized that the Devil Dog had never before in her life eaten her own poop was unlikely to be eating her own poop now. Then I got my hopes again that maybe she was sick and we could ditch her, I shoved the odiferous Devil Dog into her crate. Then I peeked into the play room, and my mother super senses told me that there was more to this story than met the inexperienced big brother eye.
First thing I noticed was the odor. It didn't smell like Devil Dog poop. Since I am the only one who bags that delicacy up, I am unfortunately intimate with her individual scent. It smelled suspiciously like Josh poop, which I am hoping to be less familiar with sometime soon, as he gets old enough to attend to wipe duty by himself. In an instant I noticed two more clues. It was all so CSI, and I must say, I am good! The first was that Josh had taken his sneaks off and the second was a flash of white peeking out from under the couch, that looked alarmingly like discarded underwear. Now I did quick peek into Josh's pants and discovered no underwear. I knew in an instant what happened. I tossed the kid into the car, since his brother was already late for school, and grabbed a clean pair of pants for Josh. After we dropped Matt off at school we headed for the Y where Josh ahd a long shower BEFORE his swim class.
OK, my concern is: This child, who has not had any accidents at all, awake or sleeping, since he was 2 1/2 is so taken with the video game that this is the result. I was hoping I had by passed the "things in life are so exciting I am going to ignore my physical urges" stage with Josh. I should have known, no one is perfect. Up until now he has been too easy. I must pay the price somewhere. Here we go. I had to give Josh the "You can hit the pause button when nature calls" speech. Although, I should understand, I mean how often am I doing dishes or cooking when the need arrives and I try to hold off until I can finish and I end up screaming "Out of my way!" while running knees locked together for the ladies room?? He gets it from me! Oh the guilt!
Anyway, you can imagine how the rest of my day has been. First there was the "mess" in the playroom, to attend to. Then there was the bottom of Josh's sneaker, yup, he stepped in it, and then there is the matter of his clothes. Now as soon as I post this entry I am going to attempt to drag the Devil Dog into the shower, because guess what. Dogs not only think human poop is a tasty treat, but they also think it smells so pretty they try to perfume themselves with it. Yup, not only did she snack on it; she rolled in it too.
It just doesn't get any better than this. I am so glad we communicate.
Oh, yucky. You poor thing. We moms don't get paid enough for this.
Posted by: Margaret | February 04, 2006 at 01:30 AM