At the elementary school pick up today my neighbor did a hand signal to me while mouthing "so skinny" to me. Yesterday the art teacher used the s word to me too. Now, I am still far from skinny, but what has happened lately is that my hips which were padded, because I am an equal opportunity weight gainer, but never my worst problem, have just narrowed. They're going, as in not gone yet, but on their way out. I noticed it in my reflection one morning, even the husband noticed, but it does feel weird to know that the other mothers are checking me out, looking for signs of success. Normally that would bother me a lot, and make me want to hide behind a nice big fluffy jacket all winter in my baggy pants and tunic length tops. Not this time, this time I just say "I'm trying!" and do a mental pat on my own back because it is all good. I no longer need to be invisible, I have reached this stage where I truly believe that how I look is just how I look and nothing more than that. On some level I don't care how I look, not that I don't want to look good, it is just that looking good in this culture is synonomous with being healthy. I want to be healthy. I want to physically feel good, and also not put myself at risk for all the weight related diseases. I want to be able to move, run, keep up with the kids, and not sit around feeling like the old lady I felt myself turning into last winter. So, that is what I am doing and it is making me very happy.
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October 18, 2005
Comments
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When you are finally doing it for yourself that's when you know it's going to work this time. Believe me, I know.
Posted by: danelle | October 19, 2005 at 12:28 AM
Just be glad they used the S word and NOT the F word to you. People are trying to be nice.
Posted by: Debbie | October 19, 2005 at 07:51 AM
Yeah, I know because "so skinny" is way better than "not as fat as you were last year" I totally appreciate all the comments. This has been a conscious physical and emotional effort and looking better is most definitely part of the reward.
Posted by: clickmom | October 19, 2005 at 01:22 PM
Maybe your positive attitude, i.e. you just need to feel good and not conform to some twisted society ideal, is the key to your success.
Posted by: Kristin | October 19, 2005 at 11:26 PM