So..... there are photos of me during the triathlon. I had every intention of posting them, until I saw them. Some I took myself and I like these the best, because only my face is in them. Many were taken by friendly strangers and my son, and I do not want to look at those. This is the problem: I am feeling so good and so strong and healthy that I no longer am imagining myself as the fat person I still am, but, I am still fat. I am still really fat. Not thinking of myself as still really fat I wore a blue shirt for most of the triathlon, and well, it is just not as invisible as the black clothes I normally live in. I guess I am still in a little bit of shock. I am also wondering just how huge I was walking around since it is obvious to every one that sees me that I lost weight. Last winter I was 37 pounds heavier. How did I lift myself out of bed every morning??
Can I hide from the camera until my physical self catches up with my imagined self?
No one likes to look at (anad especially share) photos of themselves looking less than stellar. Your feelings are understandble.
But there's a lot to be said for being accountable, and there's something amazingly freeing about dropping the brick wall and owning what we are.
A+ job on the tri, btw.
Posted by: danelle | September 21, 2005 at 01:38 AM
You did a triathlon? You rock! Don't let any pictures tell you different.
Posted by: roo | September 22, 2005 at 02:23 AM