clickmom -

Yesterday I took the kids out for a picnic at a playground. It was a beautiful day (hurray the weather turned!) I was so happy and I was trying to get a little outside time other than on the island, y'know, before our daily swim. We get fast food, set up at the picnic tables, when I realize that I forgot my CF card at home for my camera. I toss the camera back into the car, and sit down to eat with the boys. Now I am bummming because I can't take photos, so I hang at the table watching from a distance instead of being right there with them.

Josh is so excited to be at this playground that he adores, that he keeps running back forth from the picnic table to the playground. I am not worried because I can see him wherever he goes. Eventually Evan finishes his meal and runs off to play too. Josh follows along and I am all smiles because they are going to play together. They need to play, just the two of them and this is good. They go to the area where there are two platforms and a kid can glide through the air from to another hanging on a rope attached to a bar that runs between the two.

Josh climbs up on one side and Evan pulls the rope over and asks Josh to hold it while he climbs up. Josh reaches over and then s-l-o-w-l-y falls forward with his hands out stretched in front of him. Evan screams "Omigod Josh!" I am on my feet, knees buckiling. I know. With out even seeing him, I just know. My stomach lurches into my mouth and I know we are on our way to the emergency room. I know. Josh gets up, with his back to me, I can't see the expression on his face, Evan takes one look at him and calls to me, "I can't handle this one!" I am on my way like a flash. I know. I approach with caution, not wanting to exaserbate the situation, just needing to calm Josh down. He is tough and does not usually upset like this. I know. I feel the guilt and panic welling up inside of me and tell myself I will evaluate him for an hour before deciding what to do. But, inside I know. Josh is calm, he is also tired so responses are exaggerated. We stop at the rest room, he can not pull his own pants down. Pain, calm but in pain. We go back to the picnic table, he lifts his left arm up like a log and accidentally knocks his fries off the table. Tears again. I know.

We hop in the car to replace the fries, and he spots a Dairy Queen. He asks for and gets ice cream, guilty ice cream, why was I sitting so far away?, and he barely eats it. He cannot hold it in his left hand. I know. He does not complain. I feel worse.

I phone husband from the car to tell him we need to go to the ER. He is an hour away, good. I don't have to bring all three kids, we can go when Daddy gets here. Daddy isn't sure anything is really wrong, but I know.

Back at the island the brothers go swimming and convince Josh to come in too. He wants to lie quietly on my lap, but after 10 minutes reluctantly gets into the water. He can't use his left arm. It is lame, and I know. Husband arrives and questions the need for ER. I know, he doesn't understand that I just know. I say "Look at how he avoids using it. He is holding it funny. He is so brave, he doesn't complain. Look in his eyes, he is in pain." Husband says "Wait." I have to go. I think I might throw up. The guilt is choking me now, why wasn't I there to catch him? Husband is good at denial. But, I know. I say, "I will prepare your dinner and go to the ER. I have to go."

Josh still wants french fries and we drive thru and get him a large. He is happy. Then we go the ER. He wants the fries but can not eat them, he is in pain. He doesn't complain, he lies in my lap. The staff is nice. They think no, since he is so calm. I hear the nurse in the hall tell the other nurse how sweet he is. They will do the x-rays anyways. But I know. The x-ray technician thinks no, he is too quiet. They just don't cooperate like that, I shake my head and tell her "The pictures will tell."

Buckle fracture. Splint for now.

Heavens open up on the way home, Josh asks why we are out at midnight. It is 8PM. Thunder crashes and lightning crackles over our heads. We have to drive slow. It is just how I feel.

Orthopedist on Monday for a cast.

Oh my baby. My poor baby.