clickmom

To be or not to be....cool

Day 19 of HHH weather.

After the ground shaking thunderstorm passed today, my friend P and her 3 kids along with my own, got back into the water and then decided to take the speed boat for a turn around the lake with the kids riding behind in the tube. I prayed that the boat goblins would allow me to actually start the boat, and they did! On the first try! Yesterday it took about 15 tries. I was just so pumped, whooping and celebrating. We let the boat warm up and off we went. At first I thought I'd do each pair of kids around the lake twice, but then I realized that we were a little low on gas, so I did once around. First we took the older boys, who are similar in desire for thrill, that worked out perfectly. Then we popped the middle children in and continued to cruise around the lake. I felt so "cool" "macho" "tough" and "carefree" and "peaceful" standing tall behind the wheel of a zooming boat, the wind against my face, my hair flying out behind me. It was a very Thelma and Louise in the desert feeling. I felt like I didn't have a care in the world, like the breeze just took it all away.

As we appraoched the dock on our final turn I slowed down and noticed that the fuel gage was below empty. With a big cocky confident smile on my face I turned to my friend and said "I can't believe we are still going on no fuel."

And that was the end of that. The roar of the engine-cut out. Right there 50 feet from the dock- it all ended. There was not even a gas fume left.

We got out the paddles, and slowly paddled our way in to the dock.

Not so cool.

life without

Omigosh, it is so humid here in the North East. I am not sure I have ever survived so much humidity without air conditioning. What ever the humidity is out there it is worse on this island. I swear, I am forced to wear my hair in a ponytail since it is otherwise stuck to my face, and those little fly away pieces that are usually straight as can be look like I have used a curling iron on them, (very bridal) but if I get in the car and drive away from the island- the curls relax, and then they curl back up as soon as I get back on the island. At first, when we decided to rebuild and I was still feeling guilty about not loving this decrpit house enough, I was telling myself things like, "Even though the husband is going to insist on installing air conditioning in the new house, I just won't use it when he is at home working and I am here alone with the kids." Ha! I was sooo kidding myself. I will crank that cold air baby up and blast it away until the windows are frosted.

I admit it, I am weak, a princess, a creature of comfort, air conditioning, all I want is air conditioning....pant ...gasp...AIR....CONDITIONING.

Things I have realized living w/o air conditioning:
1. Summer weight down blankets are a farce
2. My hang dry only laundry takes three days to dry
3. Toilet tanks sweat!
4. All natural deodorants don't make the grade
5. thick cozy slow drying towels-NO-thin cheap towels-YES
6. Chips can loose their crunch real fast
7. Sleeping and sweating don't mix

we are tired.

I love you more today than yesterday

It happens to me all the time, that I get all smug feeling that I am at the pinnacle of adoration for my children, when BOOM, I realize I love them so much more than I did even just last week. It has been a really big week here at the lake for Josh. You see just seven short days ago, he was pretty afraid of the water, and reluctant to even get in the lake.

I begged and pleaded with him to get into the lake on Tuesday, Josh was intent on watching Evan and me from the dock, but after I wore him down he reluctantly climbed in. Josh was wearing his lifejacket, and completely floating but he couldn't relax enough to let go of his white knuckled death grip on me. His aquatic experience lasted all of about 2 minutes. He was completely relieved to be out of the water and I was utterly disappointed. I just wanted him to have fun with us.

On Wednesday, Matt jumped in with his life jacket on, so we all put ours on, and I somehow coerced Josh into joining us again. This time Josh was completely distracted from being in the water with a game he and Matt were playing. He even let me transfer him to Matt, but only for a second. But still, his death grip on me was a bit more relaxed. I was so happy. He had made progress.

On Thursday, we all got back in our life jackets and we swam far away from the dock. Josh hung on to my life jacket, at first on my front, and then we convinced him to transfer over to the back, which he did only reluctantly and with much reassurance from Matt, who helped. Then he rode on top of me while I tried to breast stroke it back to the dock. He was totally at ease and loving every minute of it. We even got him to "jump" from our arms to the ladder. He even let us let go of him for a second or two to show him he would float on his own. He seemed proud of himself.

Today we set out to swim the same distance, and Josh ran down to the dock, he couldn't wait to jump in. He asked to get right onto my back, and as we were swimming out away from the dock I noticed him letting go with one of his hands and trying to stroke along with me. When we got out all the way,
with his brothers encouragement, he let go of me and took some strokes on his own. He loved it, he was swimming! He wanted to swim all the way back to the dock by himself. He swam and swam and was just thrilled with himself. His brothers were all excited, they were cheering and encouraging him on. Josh was just soaking it all up, he was beaming. He was so happy that he proposed to me! I was so happy that I answered him by hugging and kissing him.

I realized what a team effort had occurred to get Josh to this point and I just felt like I never loved my kids more than I did at that very moment.

Goodbye Bob

My ex-therapist died. I found out yesterday. I called home to check my messages for the first time in a week. His secretary left me a message. I missed everything except the funeral. The funeral is taking place in a few hours from now. I would have liked to have told his wife what a great guy I think he is, and how much seeing him made my life better. I think I will send her a card.

I first met therapist Bob, one of the many fabulous Bobs in my life, almost 8 years ago after moving to the burbs. My husband and I were miserable and at first we went together, but eventually he faded out of the picture and I went alone on and off for the next 6 years. I sat on Bobs couch and nursed my babies, as we discussed the burbs, my life, my marriage, parenting (and how difficult it was for me to find like minded mothers in the burbs), religion, (he was amazingly knowledgeable), phlosophy and whatever else was on my mind. When my kids crawled and then started talking, I would take a break until they went to preschool and I could have my sessions alone again.

I thought about starting up therapy again this fall when Josh entered preschool, but then Matt homeschooled and I never got to reclaim any private time.

I often drove by Bobs house admiring the way his new landscaping was filling in and remembering how much he loved his tremendous old trees, ones he speculated were around when George Washington was General Washington and fighting for freedom in our area. Bob fought hard for the lives of his trees when they began to succomb to disease or insects. He told me once that those three 250 year old trees were the only reason he purchased his house. There is one left.

Every summer Bob would plant some tomatoe plants right out side the back door, the one his patients would enter through, and every summer I would marvel at how amazing his tomatoes were, and no matter what advice he gave me, mine would never thrive like Bobs. Bob also dedicated a part of his garden to a horse radish plant, and if you have never had fresh horse radish then you must, just start with a little bit because, wow, it packs and impressive punch. Bob also kept a bird feeder year round, and loved to watch the birds that came to depend on him for seeds in the winter.

The truth about driving past Bobs house was that I would also be hoping to find him out side so that I could pull over, say "hi". I always wondered if he was noticing my photos in his local paper, I wanted him to see them and know that I was doing OK. And maybe if he was out there in his garden or on his front lawn, I would pull over, we could chat, I could roll down all the windows and let him see my kids and they would say "hi" because they are amazing, I am so proud of them, and I just wanted Bob to know.

Goodbye Bob, and thanks for being there.

In all my brilliance, I brought one cook book with me to this still unnamed island. It was a grilling cookbook. What I should have brought was a cook book about cooking on an ark, cause that is what it was starting to feel like here. So, we have been eating out a bit, for dinner mostly, and my kids just love eating out. Doesn't that just figure, I love cooking, they only want to eat out. But how can I complain, when this
is how happy they are on the way home from a dinner out.

So, when we came up to the island for the first time husband was so exited he went out and purchased some kitchen supplies. Which was kind of wierd, since he spends little time in the kitchen and has no interest in anything otherwise kitchen related( obviously besides eating). He purchased this.
This "thing" reminds me very much of another battery operated "thing". It is for that reason that I am feeling incredibly self conscious about using it. Battery operated? You may be thinking, how is a scrub brush disguised as a "thing" battery operated? Well, it spins like this....
and it is freaking me out. I just keep thinking about some really worn out woman...
Anyways, I am having a hard time getting the hang of the ancient electric stove in this house. It only has one normal sized burner and I suspect that whatever temperature I put it on it just keeps getting hotter and hotter. It actually melted my new Williams Sonama spatula that is supposed to be heat resistant to 400 degrees farenheit. The temp on the stove was only low-medium. I was trying to make pancakes and every time the pan got too hot I had to pour water in it until it cooled down and then try to cook again. This is what the happened to the pancakes...

Yesterday, during a break in the rain we decided to go out in the boat. We pulled Evan around in a tube and he had a great time.
I learned the hard way that the girl who has to sit backwards to be the watcher of the guy in the tube should tie her hair back.
My mom and Josh had a great time clinging to each other for dear life. The husband must have been dozing at boat school when the instructor clued us in about how to steer through the waves at an angle to make the ride as comfortable as possible. The impending storm didn't help either, and we had to high tail it back to the house before we got drenched.

can't fool Evan

I was in the Yukon with my husband, parents and kids tonight. Not exactly the setting for a private conversation. I wanted to tell my mom the story of selling the bird cage we used while bird sitting my gay friends cockatiel to a gay guy with a cockatiel, without using the word gay. I just didn't feel like discussing that aspect of my friend with the kids tonight, especially in front of my parents. The kids know, but are still a little confused about how it works.

So, I was telling my mom how two guys were showing an interest in the cage at our garage sale and how they seemed a bit nervous about the other guy beating them out of the cage and how they both had to check with someone at home, so the one guy calls his partner... And out of the back seat Evan asks "What does that mean? What is a partner?" I answer "A partner is someone you are committed to and live with that you are not married to." He says "Oh, I thought you meant the guy was gay."

the weather sucks

It's raining, it's pouring
This weather's getting boring.
I went to sleep
all damp yesterday,
and woke up damp in the morning.

It's raining, it's chilly
the high was in the sixties,
our toes froze off
in open toed shoes,
I wish I had a jacket.

It's raining, I'm crying,
The boat, the lake,
I'm dying.
I want to swim, and get a tan
but i'm inside just whining.

mommy dearest

Rain, rain, go away. Come again after I go home and do not want to watch my kids swimming and having all sorts of outdoors fun anymore.

We are on this island (unnamed still) waiting for some good weather, (temps over 70 would help too!) so that can get my TV addicted children out of the house and away from the tube. My paents are visiting and my mother "politely" suggested we find an actual indoor activity for the kids to do tomorrow.

Speaking of the parents, Mom has earned 3 complaint points in the last 24 hours.

1. I asked her 4 times not to do the dishes while I put the kids to sleep. After doing the dishes while I put the kids to sleep she told me I better use the 40 year old dishwasher (which I decided not to use, since I would have to completely wash the dishes before they went in any ways) because she can't stand doing dishes. It is just "too much for her" (Except we used paper plates and cups and all she had to wash was cutlery and a couple of preparation containers and utensils)

2. Told me I needed to get some sort of device for the sink in the guest room because it has separate hot and cold faucets. It was completely alien to her. DUH! This house is 105 years old, it didn't even have sinks when it was built! All the bathroom sinks are like that!! It is called CHARM BABY!!

3. She just couldn't stand watching me work in such a small kitchen, lots of tsk tsk-ing followed, ( I wasn't complaining) and she declared that I had to purchase some sort of additional work area. Y'know, you can buy those from catalogs? It was just too painful for her to watch. She suggested maybe we should eat out the rest of her stay, so I wouldn't have to cook. (And .... she wouldn't have to fear doing the dishes?)

bathroom carpet had to go

As I ripped up the 50 year old never been vacuumed BATHROOM carpet, I had to wonder, what posesses a person to put wall to wall carpet in the bathroom? And do such a good job that they glue every square inch of the bathroom carpet down to the vinyl tile that seemed like it was pretty good shape. Hmmm? I pulled and pulled, and ripped and cut through that baby with my crow bar and exacto knife until I had ripped every inch of that vile, moldy, stinking carpet out. Then I put in gorgeous new Home Depot vinyl tile over the old glue covered tile, and viola- an almost inhabitable bathroom. Just in time for my parents to show up for a four day visit. I couldn't ask my parents to get out of the shower and stand on mold a half century old. I did pre-warn my mom and let her know that she should consider the visit like high-end camping. I love it here, but alas I do feel moist most of the time.

So, back to the carpet. I had some scenarios running through my head while grunting, pulling, and removing, and I thought that maybe the carpet was installed by a family member before the previous owners bought the place in order to scare off any potential buyers. Hah! Little did they know, Mr. W could not be scared off by carpet he wouldn't bother to vacuum for 40 years! Perhaps it was a science experiment? Kids love to grow mold, and this was apparantly a very effective and successful experiment, but why the glue? Maybe an April Fool's joke gone awry? Maybe there was mental illness in the family? Maybe it was another test of my patience, since that seems like the theme of my entire life. Well, HA! I won! No more carpet!

Must find something new to obsess about.

happy 4th