I did something I never do. I announced my weight loss plans and even detailed my methods to a group of friends today. When ever I start a “diet” I always keep it secret, and am actually extraordinarily uncomfortable when people start noticing. During our book group meeting, while we were on a side topic, I mentioned my- in the future- plans for plastic surgery, ie: breast reduction and tummy tuck. I said it was totally going to happen for me, someone asked “When?” and I said when I lose a hundred pounds. I mean duh, they aren’t going to do the surgery on a fat chick! Also, if I did the surgery now, and then lost weight I might be left with nothing up top, which is not my first choice.
Any ways, P kind of nastily said “And how are going to do that?” about the weight loss, which kind of surprised me. I didn’t expect to have to defend myself. When I said “No wheat, no sugar.” A few of the women nodded in agreement and L said something like “That’ll do it” so I felt better, but still, I have friends who do not struggle with food or eating issues and have no idea what goes in my head every day. If I was trying to get off of alcohol or prescription drugs, I am sure I would not get any negativity or eye rolling.
Actually I tried to look at her long enough for her to maybe notice the weight I have lost already. A few friends have said something and for the first time ever their comments do not make me want to run and hide. I think I have overcome the desire for invisibility, not because I did anything, but maybe I just don’t need it anymore. Maybe my old lady self isn’t as scared as the young lady me. I have even been occasionally wearing clothes that are less loose and baggy and concealing than usual.
I wonder if the naturally skinny just think I should accept the cards that were dealt to me. Hey, I still have my health, but I am not sure for how long, so this life extending-life change is coming just in time for me. I can’t wait to look better, but the motivation for me is more health related, I am a worrier and am sure that obesity related disease is just around the corner. I took my blood pressure at the drug store and it was an excellent 103/65. That just tells me that my physical self welcomes the changes and is ready to bounce back.
Go me go.
I wonder if the skinny people just think they're overweight (almost everyone wants to lose some amount of weight) and that woman's comment was more about her than about you. Regardless, good for you for having a plan and sharing it. I have weight to lose and am gradually getting more motivated. Cool that you know what you want. :-)
Posted by: Beth | June 01, 2005 at 01:22 AM