clickmom

postal

I'm not sure when I did this but I enrolled sweet pea into a dog aging project and I have to fill out these questionnaires from time to time. Just now I filled out one that asked how emotionally distraught I will be when my dog dies so I am crying while I write this. I would have loved her no matter what, but she is just so freaking wonderful. I loved bear bait, but damn, that girl was hard to love. She was anxious, clingy, and she whined A LOT. She was so hard to train. It took me over a year of intense training to get that girl 100% reliable so I could walk her off leash. I was walking sweet pea off leash after 3 weeks. She is just so easy going. When she wants to go out, I do it because I love her and I feel nothing but love for her. When bear bait asked to go out, I'd feel so put upon. It was a completely different experience. Okay. Now I'm not crying any more. I just need a tissue.

Yesterday I entered a store for the first time since before christmas. It was the pharmacy, the one that anti-maskers seem to target. There were unmasked people in there- the worst being an unmasked middle aged dumpy guy with his unmasked maybe 12 year old son. This is what I did. (Not planned BTW) After paying for my prescriptions at the pharmacy in the back of the store I pointed to the 6 masked people on the pharmacy line behind me and told the woman sitting in the waiting area that we all hate her because she is so fucking irresponsible and she should put on a god damned mask. (Haha! The look of shock on her face was priceless!!) Then I turned around and there was a seriously old little shriveled woman standing there without a mask and I said "That goes for you too old lady, put a Fing mask on. Then while exiting the store I glanced towards the check out line and saw the frumpy dude with his kid. I paused at the door. I registered 3 masked people in front of and 3 more behind the dude, The cashier had a mask on, I just knew they wanted to say something too and we are all too polite to that (well, normally)  and so.... I shouted HEY ASSHOLE! PUT A MASK ON. Frumpy looked up at me and took a step out of line. I shouted NO ONE WANTS TO BREATHE YOUR AEROSOL. and ducked out of there, speed walked to the car and high tailed it home, checking to make sure I wasn't being followed.  Hahahaha. I hate these brainwashed selfish bastards. But you know what weighs on me? I am so bothered by frumpy setting an awful example of thoughtlessness and selfishness for his kid.

The husband is sure someone is going to rage kill me if I keep doing this. I think I'll keep my kittle bear mace canister on a bracelet around my wrist. But really, I am just saying what the responsible are all thinking. These I could not care less of these morons get themselves sick but they better not get me sick. I keep telling people that if I end up sick I and even if I die, I will be more angry than sick, I will be more angry than suffering or sad. It is beyond comprehension that I have no option but to live alongside these scum of the earth low life plague rats. 

Surprise visitor

Two nights ago just as the husband looked at each other for confirmation that it was indeed time to go to sleep a frigging bat flew out of the chimney and began to frantically fly around the main floor of our house.

It was going back and forth in the family room. I jumped off the couch, pulled my house shawl over my head and ducked and screamed every time it came towards me. I did pause to notice both the bat’s large size (it was not a baby bat!), it’s gorgeous blackness and the sound of its flapping wings. The sound is what really impressed. You could hear the air being moved as this creature flew back and forth.

I ran (hobbled, to be precise) to the front door, threw it open and then ran to the kitchen door and the family room door opening both of them in hopes that the bat would free itself. Of course I lost track of the bat while running from door to door and the legally blind husband couldn’t even figure out what was going on. And then it was silent. No more flapping bat wings.

Did the bat find its way to freedom?? I hoped so. I took sweet pea outside for her nightly last chance to pee and then held my breath as I checked the house for bat presence.

The downstairs looked good. Was I afraid to go upstairs? Yes. But I turned off all the lights, still guarding my head against possible bat connection, and went upstairs. I looked around, I didn’t see anything and I didn’t hear anything. I got ready for bed. Of course my imagination created sounds where there were no sounds but hopefully the bat actually did get out of the house. I didn’t see or hear anything yesterday. Am I about to internet search how long a bat can live when trapped in a house? You betchya.

emails I sent

Had to schedule a zoom meeting today and this is the intro I made to go along with the "invitation" that I copied and pasted from the zoom website:

 

THE SPAZ is inviting you to a scheduled Zoom meeting.

Listen, my accident prone self managed to slip and fall on the one spot that is always icy in the driveway of the house I have lived in since 2011. (I should know these things from year to year, but, NO)

So, I did go to the orthopedist yesterday. The good news is nothing is broken.

The bad news is that both my knee and ankle are impressively sprained and there is some possible nerve shit going on that may or may not require further investigation. Time will tell, I have to wait for the swelling to go down. So, the nerve stuff… yeah, my leg goes partially numb and gets bizarrely painful when I am in the sitting position, so I’m thinking I will log into this meeting from both my phone and my computer- the computer so that I can see files if someone is sharing and the phone so that I can stand or move if necessary. SO, if my screen(s) are off it is because I am trying not to be a big distraction. Oy vey. If you know me long enough this does not come as a surprise. I can trip on air.

In other news a certain segment of the population is now drinking their own urine and taking hormone blocking drugs (the ones that trans people take) in lieu of getting a covid vaccine. The hormone blockers can cause sterility. So, that’s happening too.

It’s a crazy world we live in!!

(wo)man down

One part of me wishes I could experience the world as the husband does, just for a few minutes because that is all I could probably take. I imagine that he experiences emotions the way that the rest of can smell when our noses are jam packed with snot.

On Saturday, after frustratingly not being able to start the snow blower on Friday because the valve to the gas line was turned, the blower repair dude (so freaking embarrassing) came and twisted it. I do not pretend to know what I am doing, I only push the snowblower, ok? I mean, I am the worker bee, not the mechanically astute bee... anyway...... OMG where is the sentence here? English teachers look away! After the guy came, I went out to snow blow and slipped in the driveway. Of course. To make matters even worse, I had been texting with the editor and she told me Be Careful! before I went out, and I was uncharacteristically f^cking annoyed that she said that, as if I were not able to snow blow, I mean, Come On!! So, naturally, there is a patch of ice below a dusting of snow which I wipe out on. Guys.... the pain was real. I had to lie on my back and stare at the sky for a couple of minutes just so I didn't pass out.  Then I tried to get up, but couldn't because I was on the ice patch, and then for the second time in just a matter of days, I had to crawl off of an icy patch, but my right leg said GET THE HELL OFF OF ME, so I kind of slid most of the way by pushing myself with my left leg, and this time my right leg was not bearing weight, so I had to crawl over to the car and use it for support while I pulled myself up only using the left leg.

Long story, less long, I knew I was in trouble, so I actually did limping snow blow the driveway immediately and in immense pain for fear the entire thing would soon be a sheet of ice and I would not be able to leave the house until spring, then I came inside, pulled my swollen ankle out of the boot, and commenced with the icing. Did I say ankle? Yup. Did I say Knee? Not yet! Did I mention the strange pain long the front of my leg, strangely running along my shark bite scar? Not yet!!! I'm gonna put this out there for you, it hurt so much I was making pain noises and I am the one who birthed two of my children without any pain relief pretty much silently. Okay? Do you get the level of pain radiating off of my leg? Every time I got up to either get the ice packs or put the ice packs back into the freezer I made the noises. Also, the leg would stiffen so much that I couldn't even bear full weight on it until the fourth or fifth hobble. My leg is also turning outwards, I do not know what that means.

When I announced to the husband what I had done he said something along the lines of "Oh no, that sounds painful" and that, stock reaction, that insincere without an ounce of emotion or caring behind it was the one and only thing he said regarding my newly injured condition. Bizarre. Over the next two days he did say things like "Wanna make me a sandwich?" and "What's for dinner?" But has he said a single word about the agonizing pain I am in? No. It is freaky folks. I could be lying on the floor writhing on the floor in front of him and the closest I get to acknowledgement might be something along the lines of "Do we have any cheese in the house?" My pain does not register with him. Not in the least and it is so f^cking weird. I wanna know what it feels like to not feel any emotion, but I only wanna know it for a few minutes because honestly, as someone who feels all the feels, maybe even an unhealthy amount of all of the feels, I imagine it is an empty and hollow place to live.

Anyways, the knee and the ankle aren't nearly as bad as they were on Saturday (OMG, Saturday was brutal)  but as the pain in them subsides I realize that the pain in the front of my leg is either getting worse or becoming more noticeable. I would love to get this checked out but on the slim chance that I did something which requires a cast ... I just don't see how that would work out. I mean, first I would literally be stranded at the orthopedist because it's my right leg and naturally I would drive myself there and if I couldn't drive back then, I don't know what I would do. I guess I could try to call a friend who has a driving age kid and see if they could come together and pick me up and one drives my car back, but....yeesh. That is not the independent way I would like to think about myself. Also, in the back of my mind I have a feeling they're just going to tell me I need to wear that orthopedic boot device and I have one of those and I wore it for 4 days before it caused my back to go out, so ... you know, I have to make a choice over here. Slipping discs is not preferable over shin pain. I mean, if I can walk on it, it's not broken, right? I don't know what to do. It can't be broken. That is not an option. I just can't go there.

cloud project

The whole moon project has not gotten off to a great start.

That is an understatement.

To be more accurate, the whole moon project looks like a big fail thanks to a solid week of solid cloud filled skies and if I am going to move forward with the images I have thus far I think I have to think of it as something other than a moon project. Which I figured out a few days ago, and I decided that making any image looking up at the very time I would like to be photographing the moon might have to count as a stand in. Yesterday I lucked out with a flock of vultures hanging out in my trees. Today I saw a cute little woodpecker. But, I think that is how it is going to have to go down. I am picturing this book being laid out with one week per spread and choosing one image from each week to be larger than the rest on each spread. Kind of like a weekly calendar with a highlight. And hopefully the highlights will be all moon shots. Or not, it's really too soon to say. After this past week I can imagine an even longer stretch of moon blocking clouds out there.  I'm only 10 days into what is either going to a one season/3 month project or another year long document to prove my existence during this hellish time of personal and world wide pain and suffering. 

Oh my gosh, the clouds parted for a quick minute today. I saw sunshine and I dashed over to the camera and ran out the door and frantically looked around to where I thought the moon might be, to no avail. Then thinking the moon might be tough to see because it was visible as the thinnest of thin crescents I pulled my phone out for a quick internet search and. You. Are. Not. Going. To. Believe. This.  There was no moon today. None. Dejected, I dragged myself back inside plopped down on the couch and watched as the clouds swallowed up any blue for the remainder of the day.

edit: I did some internet searching and found out that in my area the winter months average 7 clear days and 7 partly sunny days PER MONTH, as in LESS THAN HALF OF THE TIME will I even have the opportunity TO SEE the clear sky and the moon (insert the sound of me weeping) which means the moon project can no longer be referred to as the moon project. I mean, calling it the MOON project would be too a much of a stretch even for an optimist like moi. Maybe I will shift over to calling it the skies project. At this point a clouds project would be more successful than a moon project. Dammit.

I was supposed to talk with the new shrink a couple of days ago and I texted him, as per usual, to let him know I was ready at our prearranged time. Normally he calls or texts me back right away. When that didn't happen I knew in my gut he had covid. He texted me back hours later and said he had tested positive and had laryngitis. This got me thinking a worse case scenario situation in which he doesn't make it. I feel like I am slow motion going through a bit of a breakthrough these days, so that would be unfortunate for me, but, I wondered, would I be able to continue this progress without him? I think so. And he has written a bunch of books which I could always read. I haven't read them because I am well aware of reading not being my most effective learning style, but in a pinch I know it would be better than dead ending this momentum. Also, let's be real, he says the same things to me over and over so, I pretty much know what his response to whatever I am discussing will be. I am a bit nervous about him though, I can't explain it, I just have a bad feeling about his future health.

I have been having super vivd dreams for a couple of weeks now. In one particular dream I was pushing the husband up a street in his wheelchair when I spot a polar bear coming towards us. I turn to run down someone's driveway to hide behind their house and pushing the wheelchair is definitely slowing me down. You know where my dream mind went. It went to the bad place. Just for a second, but I did dream push him to safety. Even in my dream state I realized that my thought had been rather harsh. Then I saw a crowd of people walking with the polar bear as if he was the hero in a small town local parade, and that was when I knew the whole world had gone crazy. Also, why a polar bear? Why not a brown bear which would be an actual possibility. Even my dream self recognized how odd of a threat the choice a polar bear is. My mind, what a mystery.

moon hurdles

So, this whole moon project is tough to get my head around. First of all.... THE CLOUDS!!  Oh my goodness. I have never paid such careful attention to the clouds before and it has been so torturously cloudy this past week. SO many freaking clouds. SO many freaking thick white, no light can shine through clouds. I have been frantically checking the moon schedule and there is so much to cause anxiety here. First of all, when the moon sets in the AM (every day so far) then, the rest of the day there is no option to photograph the moon, so I feel a bit... lost? restless? I don't know the word for what I am feeling. Oh wait, yes I do. Anxious. Yeah, definitely anxious. Because this week in particular, with all of the holidays right here, I have nothing on the calendar so I am thinking constantly about what to work on, and all I want to do is grab my camera and head out. But, between the moon being on the other side of the earth and a big bowl of thick white clouds over us when it is out over here equals nothing in sight.

But then good things happen, like this morning when I rolled over at 6:30 and decided to throw on clothes and head out the door, and there was the moon, all glowing because of the filmy clouds around it, but it was visible, and I watched and photographed it for about 20 minutes until the day brightened up so much it was becoming less and less possible to see and then I blinked and the entire sky is white again. Today it's the kind of white which says snow is possible, which I know because I checked the weather app and not because I am some kind of farmer's almanac type genius, and I am so beyond thrilled that I hauled my ass out of bed when I did. Today's moon would have been so easy to miss out on and I can't help but think there is a larger lesson to learn here. I have been known to say that you never regret taking action because in the end the worst case scenario is that your event is a total disaster and you end up with a great story. If you had not even tried then you would never know what could happen. I am so glad I seized my maybe one opportunity for a moon shot today. Even if these shots aren't the killer make me famous shots, I still have something to show for this day.

I need to spend some time thinking about the whole "something to show" aspect of deciding to do a daily project, a time is passing, and mark my existence on this day project. Why do something like this again? Why take on a daily project with a short-ish time limit even though I am just about to wrap up a whole year long project ?? (I love my backyard friends. Love them so much) I think there is a possibility that within the confines of this pandemic, or more accurately, because of the confines of this pandemic, not discounting the last 4 years before it started and how much my world had already shrunk, maybe, just maybe, there is a part of me that wants to shout I AM STILL HERE AND HERE IS THE PHOTOGRAPH WHICH PROVES MY EXISTENCE. I MADE ART ON THAT DAY.  Yeah, and by maybe I probably mean obviously, because I am so in my own head these days, that I'm getting pretty instantaneous in figuring out my motivations. Maybe this moon project should be called Proof of My Existence. And you know what? Maybe instead of a winter project this is going to become a year long project, too. And by maybe, I mean obviously, because in my head I am already designing the book I want to make at the end of the year, with the four rotating seasons of moons. I hope no one beats me to it.

Aside from the weather being in my way, the other thing I have to get used to is the timing of the moon rise and moon set, which changes from day to day! I am going to have to make my daily schedule around this little miracle time. Those are really the best times, due to the sky being somewhere between dark and light and the moon being visible while still being able to see detail in the area surrounding the moon. In the middle of the night it's just a moon surrounded by nothing. I suppose I could get really in deep with this and try to figure out when the moon will be close to bright constellations that could also show up in my photo.... but will I? I need an astronomer friend. Hmmm. I need someone who knows this stuff who wants to help out someone like me, who doesn't know this stuff at all, and also has unlimited patience. I wonder if that person exists around here. Not that I would ever need to see this person face to face even, but in the slim chance that this person exists and tell me when the exciting stuff will happen and more crucially, where I should stand to witness it, then I only have one more decision to make and that would be if I am willing to get up and be functional in the middle of the night because that is when the good things happen that we can see. I suppose I can't really decide if this is an option until I find that knowledgeable person. I know there is probably a website out there I could learn from but my learning style is through the spoken word. A person would be so much better for me. I'm going to post this so I can switch gears and see if anyone on my local facebook group has admitted to being an astrology geek.

For the record

Sent this to the SIL in a text. Decided I couldn’t explain it any better. So I’m copying and pasting.

So, we went to see the neurologist last week. I figured we would discuss the MRI. Weirdly she insisted on aggressively asking us the same whole battery of questions she asked 3 weeks ago. Also, she told us THREE times that “they don’t usually schedule appointments during this time and she wasn’t prepared” which could not have been more obvious. Also, she didn’t seem to remember us which is super strange since people tend to remember the 6’7” person. He’s not really forgettable and it had only been 3 weeks.

She said that all the changes I observe/report can be explained by the condition of his brain and that he needs to take better care of himself to possibly slow the progression. The shrinkage of his brain is in the highest category for what is typically seen for his age, (so, she is not quite convinced there is anything to diagnose there) as is the extra fluid that fills the space where the brain used to be. He will take none of her recommendations. He will not try to get aerobic exercise, he will not follow a Mediterranean diet, wear his CPAP device or socialize as much as possible. (He doesn’t have any real friends, so not quite an option for him) So, he’ll just continue to slowly waste away. So much fun for meeeee!

She had not compared the new MRI to the MRI from 5 years ago (seriously??) However, 5 years ago doctors told me there was atrophy in certain regions, so I’m guessing this is at least a little bit worse since she stated it was all over and not contained to certain regions. She got a bit frustrated when I asked if certain regions were more affected than others, and totally skirted my question, but like I said, frustrated is her overall demeanor.

She wants him to have a neurophysiological evaluation and that couldn’t be scheduled before April. So, it’ll be quiet around here until April. Barring any emergency doctor visits, I’m probably only going to take him to see his eye doctor in between to salvage what little amount of vision he still has. Last time we were there the eye doctor informed us that technically he is legally blind and would be eligible for state services if he needs rides to appointments etc… (Like I could send him off alone! He doesn’t understand a word they say) Maybe I’ll have to take him to have some blood tests run because his kidneys are teetering on the edge.

That’s all I got. It was pretty much a waste of time. I do not like this doctor at all. She can barely communicate. She is so agitated that I am agitated when we walk out. I’m shocked they hired her. That is so unlike any of the other doctors I’ve met there. Seems like the neurology department might be Y@le’s weakest link. Lots of bad reviews on line.

Anyways, that’s all I got for now. Stay safe. Hope everyone on your end is healthy.

moon

I've been doing a year long night time project photographing the animals which cross an opening in the stone wall which divides the backyard here in new town. Every night I set up a trail camera on side of the wall and capture who goes by.  When I began this project, a year ago, I got the trail camera to photograph the animals on the longest night, thinking it would be a follow up on my longest day series of work. That was a bust because I hadn't found the right angle from which to take the photos and also because only a couple of deer wandered by, making it a pretty boring night. So, determined to make the whole animal at night thing work, I found a better angle and then I decided to watch them through the camera every night. And I decided to doit for an entire year because at that point, I thought a year was a ridiculously long time. I thought the pandemic might be over with in another year (hahaha! The joke is on me!!)  and I even wondered if I would still be living in new town a year later because I live with the anxiety that every day could be the husband's last, and when he goes I gotta sell this place (not a hardship! I hate this house) and find a cheaper place to live. Also, let's be real, a year ago there were no vaccines quite yet and I still wondered if I might get covid and perish with a partially completed project.

Anyway, the animals came, but they were too fast for a clear photo so I put out a salt lick to slow them down. I was just hoping for a pause in front of the camera. I had no intention of feeding them because I didn't want to disturb their normal behavior. Then one of the foxes had a mangy tail, so I started to medicate him with ivermectin filled eggs (so ahead of the trends here! The price wasn't even jacked up when I bought it a year ago) and to keep him coming back every night (because I needed him to be consistent so that I could administer the medication on schedule) I started to drop peanuts in the opening, which the deer and the mice that live in the wall liked too. Then when the winter dwindled down and the animals began to shed their winter coats and they looked like they were all going bald and I freaked out because I thought they all had mange so I kept calling the local wildlife rehabilitator (I am totally going to offer him a book when I publish a book. I bothered him A LOT)) and he kept assuring me that they weren't going bald, just molting but, he said, it might be worse due to malnutrition and I could feed them, so I got one of those food blocks that the hunters use to lure the deer, except my block was completely there for the benefit of the deer and not my own murderous pleasure. At some point I left the camera out during the day and realized that all these birds land on the wall each morning so I got bird seed, too.  The deer ate down the food block and I didn't replace it for the summer, but each night I do toss down an egg (no longer medicated) because now in addition to the bonded pair of foxes I watched last winter there are 3 (I think) fox children hanging around, a few peanuts, maybe a chopped up apple, or some grapes, or other fruit, maybe a few pieces of dog kibble and if there is an abundance of some meat that is plain enough to share I try to sneak some of that out too. I have to keep an eye on sweet pea, because she knows when I have the good stuff in my hands and she wants it too. In the morning I go out with a handful of black sesame seeds and corn for the birds, even though I decided they weren't what I was interested in photographing at the wall. 

So, the year that felt as if it would never end, and that had a million different possibilities for disruption is coming to an end, and I am still here on this earth and still here in this spot. I'm glad I'm not dead, and I am glad I am getting to close out this year long project. It has brought me an incredible amount of joy to watch these animals each morning. I wake up and I have something to look forward to, in a year that left little to look forward to, smiling as I head outside with sweet pea to give her a morning chance to bathroom herself and to grab my camera full of potential.

That being said, I needed another project and, with the winter solstice breathing down my neck, being in the same place where I was last year, except instead of a vaccination on the horizon there is the new omicron variant which is threatening us all with it's increased rates of infection and unknown level of destruction. This pandemic isn't close to being over so I want (need would be a more honest word to use here) something with the same time passing level of routine as the nightly animal photos.  I felt a bit of a panic about not having a project as intense as the daily (nightly) animals at the stone wall opening to focus my energy towards so I started to ask myself the questions that always lead me to my next project and that question is "What am I fixated on these days? What am I looking at?" The answer there is The Moon. I have been on the lookout for the moon and I have been paying attention to it's phase and I know it is because it seems to affect the animals and I am trying to see the patterns in there.

I have decided to photograph the moon for every day/night of the winter. This is a bit more complicated, because the moon is on it's own schedule, and shows itself when it feels like showing itself, not only when it's dark like my forest/backyard friends, but okay, I can look up the moon rise and moon set times on charts, but I didn't take into account TOTAL CLOUD COVER. I went out with my camera the night before the first day of winter to make sure I remembered how to set the camera up to photograph the moon, which I did, and I woke up on the first day of winter, grabbed my trusty camera, ran out in my bathrobe to photograph the moon on the first morning of winter, took a shower, and then ran back out an hour later to photograph the moon again because the moon had moved and the day had brightened. I was off to a great start! Then the first day of winter clouded up and by the time the moon rose again in the evening it was so cloudy that there wasn't even a bright spot where the moon should be. And I just woke up on the second day of winter to find that it's raining and the cloud cover is still so dense that the moon isn't visible again. Can we all put our hands together and hope for a visually interesting 3 months of moon sightings? I am planning on doing this project even if I end up with a season full of boring photos but it sure would be nice if it worked out differently.

CRUSHED

Well. My childhood came crashing down on me yesterday. Crashing down? I don't even know the words for for what happened. Let me explain...

As a kid I loved The S0und of Muzak (misspelled to deter googlers). As far as I know it was the only movie I went to see multiple times, I loved it so much. I know I went at least 3 times because the third time I went there were some obnoxious teenagers making fun of the movie and I tried to explain it to them, because I was a big dork. I recall telling them I was an authority on the movie because I was about to see it (or maybe had seen it?) for the third time. obviously, they laughed at me.

Any hoo... I loved the movie so much that I managed to convince my mom to buy me the album. Initially I was disappointed because I thought the album would be the entire soundtrack, including the spoken parts and I would be able to visualize the movie in my head, but no, the album was only the songs, and not even the movie version, it was the original Mary Martin play version, which was almost identical, so I put my disappointment aside and rolled with it. Long story short, I played and played and played the album, memorized every single word, and have walked around singing the songs both out loud and in my head for the last 4 1/2 decades until last night. Holy heck, last night it was on television. They were dragging it out for 4 hours because ..commercials, and I had already missed the first hour, but I was ready to sing, so I made the husband listen to me sing for an hour and everything was great. Then we switched over to the series I normally watch for an hour and then back to TSOM, just in time for the song that Maria and The Captain sing to each other right after they admit they're in love and deliriously happy to be able to admit it to each other and holy hell. "Somewhere in my youth or childhood I must have done something good." Guys, they sing about being rewarded with their fantasy love interests because they've been good people all along. AS IF LIFE WAS FAIR!! But, I ram my head against that Life Is Not Fair wall ALL THE FRIGGING TIME, because it is not fair, but I am stuck in the head of an eight year old who believes that if I do something good then life will reward me, and while I consciously know that is not how life works, I still kind of expect it to work that way and now I totally blame Julie Andrews and Christopher Plummer. 

Now I see this movie which I had thought was just a harmless movie about a carefree spirited young woman falling in love with a family that needed saving through song and living happily ever after (with super beautiful scenery) once they sing their way away from Nazis and across the Austrian border while smiling and singing is actually this self loathing woman, who does not know her value and the whole movie is basically an exercise in catholic misogyny. (according to the friend I shared my horror with) 

I had to look away. I could not finish enjoying the last hour because I felt thoroughly betrayed. Except, I still have the lyrics to every single song in my head and I never even want to think about that movie again. crushed. I am crushed.

Trying to be nice

So. I got a text from the people who do blood drives that there is a shortage and feeling particularly benevolent I signed up to donate.

Since an appointment was required for donating I figured people would be in and out efficiently. Nay nay. I showed up 5 minutes before my scheduled appointment and here I sit, 25 minutes later, waiting to be interrogated and iron tested to even see if I am able to donate. There are two people before me in the interrogation line and another 2 who have already been processed and are waiting for a table (they call it a bed, but ….. not a bed) on which to lie for this own blood donation.

Normally I’d be relaxing and solving some sudoko or something but …… during a Fucking pandemic there is jo excuse for this ESPECIALLY since weak skinny people who get all FAINT after losing a pint are sitting around eating and drinking with their masks off. It’s freaking 54 degrees outside. Why are people unmasked indoors? There is not a chance in hell I’m taking my mask off once I’ve been vampired. They can not make me. I can’t eat any of the prepackaged junk food they’re offering anyway. I’ll just grab a water bottle and leave.

Everything about this seems irresponsible from the “take no chances” seat I am sitting in. If I get covid after this I am blaming the organization.