clickmom

camp letter

Dear Matt,

Leaving you at camp yesterday was such a mixed bag of emotions for me. I was so proud and happy of the young man you have become. I know you know that, but watching you confidently stroll around the camp really brought it home for me. It warmed my heart to see the smiles spread across the faces of the campers and the counselors as they realized who you are. It was obvious to me that you are a well liked and enjoyed contributor there at camp, and that only ads to my already swollen with motherly pride heart.

And as I told you 66 kajillion times (which you so graciously didn't clobber me for each and every time) I am going to miss you like crazy. I am going to miss your laugh, and that knowing look you give me when one of your brothers does or says something not kosher, and I am going to miss your hugs and our jokes and teasing you about your hair, and the stink of your feet, (have they made you store your sandals outside the bunk yet?) and also just having another (almost) adult around to listen to me rant and someone with a level head to bounce ideas off of and also because you are my friend, my son. I really like you. (Not all moms can say that!)

The first few days are always the hardest for the mommy, you know that right?

Today I dragged your brothers around on some errands. We returned some school books I found lying around the house, and went to the bank to deposit some checks. I deposited some for you. There were three here from NaNa and PopPop's bar mitzvah stocks for you. We tried to go back to the barber for them to fix Evan's dumb looking hair disaster, but they aren't opened on Monday. Then Evan got to go to the dentist where he had two cavities filled WITHOUT NOVACAINE. So brave!

After that we grabbed Ev's pal, headed for the mall to pick up shorts and underwear for Ev and then we hung out with the Boop's family until dinner. We went out to eat together and I told Boops about your super mature blanket and she totally got the joke. Ev, however, was totally mortified, which I found fascinating, since it was Ev who dressed as a woman (complete with make up and high heels) last year for Halloween. We tried to explain to him how if you are cool about it then it's a big joke and everyone laughs WITH you instead of AT you, but he remained doubtful. Maybe in a few years he'll relax a little bit.

I love you darling,
Have fun .... and be serious about that video!
I expect to see something amazing from you.

Love, Mom

sharp

I am pretty bad at giving the kids chores and making them responsible for stuff around the house. Which really isn't working for me since I end up doing everything all alone and getting all resentful about it. The one chore I have been making Evan and Matt do themselves is packing their own stuff for trips. At first I gave them lists to refer to for packing thoroughness but somewhere along the line, I just gave the boys a whole lot of credit and started saying something vague like "pack for three days and two nights". How's that working for us? Yeah, uh... that's been what I have been asking myself these past couple of days.

You be the judge.

Three things Evan did pack for utopia:

1. the wood carving knife lil sis got him for hanukah
2. his swiss army knife
3. the fisherman's utility blade I found on the side of the street while walking the devil one day last April. I brought it home and gave it to Evan.

Three things Evan did not pack for utopia:

1. pajamas
2. socks
3. underwear

I'm thinking I might have to revert back to the detailed list method here.

manly

Matt kept me company when I went to the pet food store the other day. After I paid for the 28 pound of diet dog food I pointed to the friendly dog food bag toting clerk and let him know that my strapping young son would be carrying the dog food bag for me. Matt awkwardly grasped the 28 pounds of dead weight dog food, carried it the short distance to the car in his special kind of ungainly way, and tossed it through the rear window. When we got home Matt, like the future good husband I am trying to train him to be, went back to the back of the car to fetch the anvil/dog food. I ran for the door since it was drizzling, and stood inside listening as Matt grunted and groaned as he struggled to lift the leaden parcel up and through the open hatch window. I thought to myself that Matt was sounding rather weakish and maybe even wimpy-ish.

Eventually Matt got a hold of the bag and made his way into the house. I gave him the "I heard your cries of distress look" as he breezed by me and then with out skipping a beat he very casually said in his smooth baritone voice "Did you enjoy all of my very manly sound effects?"

glare

We went and took grandma out to eat last night. There is a chain restaurant near the new nursing home and I thought that this could be our weekly venture. (disclaimer: the food was so inedible that we might have to just take her over for some ice cream and not the whole meal, I am not at all kidding) Anyways, turns out Wednesday night is clown night. (And a very sarcastic....) Woo Hoo to that. Not. There was a 4 year old birthday party. Talk about VOICES! It's a wonder I didn't bolt.

As a seasoned parent that I am, I know going in that clowns just bring out the (crazy) naughty in mostly the naughtiest of kids, and other people's naughty kids are not what I had in mind when as I wheeled my still quite confused and totally weak grandmother down the street. Nothing like tons of background noise to confuse the hearing impaired! So, we get seated, and having the wheelchair bound grandma, we did not have any choice regarding seat location as the place was pretty full and we were an always awkward amount of people, a party of 5.

Eventually the clown works his way to our end of the crowded little "restaurant" (because, the food? Yech. Did I mention the "food"?) And wouldn't you know the little raised by wolves/lives in a barn/in need of some actual parenting young boy at the table next to us goes into sensory overload and just loses any resemblance of composure. The kid approaches and kicks the clown, he hits the clown, he tries to swat, using the balloon animal from the clown, at the balls the clown is juggling. The mother barely sees the kid. This goes on and on. I am saying a silent prayer that the clown snaps and gives the kid the punch in the face he deserves. The mother occasionally looks over her shoulder and casually says "Stephenopolous don't" and then turns away from the kid and goes right back to her conversation. FInally, the young future criminal grabs a crayon off of the table and tries to scribble on the clowns big clown shoes. The damned clown still won't drop kick the kid! The mother makes a move to drag him away from the clown. He then takes his balloon animal, stands behind Evan, and begins balloon tapping Evan on the shoulder. Obviously his biggest mistake of the evening.

We have made a half hearted attempt to ignore the brat this whole time, but at the curious balloon tapping Evan makes eye contact with me. I whisper "It's the kid". Evan slowly rotates around in his chair and locks eyes with the boy. They stare. After a long minute the boy cautiously takes a few steps back. After another minute the boy steps sideways towards his own table. After another long minute the boy slides into his seat and appropriately hangs his head. He does not move. Evan turns back to our table, demonstrates his glare technique (learned from the master, ahem) and we polish off our banana splits with out fear. Both the clown and my family are naughty boy free for the rest of the meal. Evan gets even more of my undying gratitude.

Also, you should know that when he wasn't visually disciplining the way ward youth of a neighboring town, he was doting on grandma, encouraging her to eat, making her smile, and being as awesome as he could possibly be. (I am pretty sure he did it to make me happy) Score Evan.

swell

Dear Evan,

You have no idea how much my heart swells with love and adoration for you when you make Josh and his friends laugh by doing your famous daring swing dance for them at the playground.

They think you are the best too.

Love you,
Mom

toothy

Dear One Day You'll Be Grown Up Josh,

When you were a little boy your two front teeth came all the way in before the teeth besides them fell out. For the longest time your big front teeth stuck out all by themselves. When the teeth next to them finally started coming in I remarked to you that your teeth were finally coming in. You looked at me so sad and you reached up with your hands and started pushing on those teeth as if to push them back into your head. I asked what you were doing and you told me that you didn't want those teeth to come in because you liked looking like Sponge Bob.

I love you more today than yesterday,
Mom

NO! the origins story

When Matt was little all us earthy crunchy granola moms used to sit around discussing the most heated of parenting subjects. One of the hot parenting trends of the moment was to eliminate the word NO from your vocabulary when speaking to your child. This is how it would work: Let's say that my cute little baldy boy Matt was being held captive hanging out in his high chair and I gave him some paper and some crayons except he thought the crayon would look much nicer on the arm of his high chair. And I stopped yacking on the phone long enough to register observed Matt graffiti-ing drawing on his restraining device high chair. I would not, as instinct would dictate scream NO! and angrily grab the crayon out of his hands screaming about how much the chair cost or how his daddy worked so hard to provide him with nice things he didn't have any respect for, instead I would calmly approach my child and say in a sing song voice "Crayons go on paper" and then I would demonstrate the proper use of crayons on paper and Matt would imitate scribbling with crayons on paper and I'd clap my hands in false only for toddlers excitement and say "Yay! Crayons go on paper! That's right Matt!" sigh. Those were the days of my unlimited patience, I have to tell you, I fear I would barely recognize myself. But that method did work like a charm, especially for Matt who was born eager to please, much like a good quality pure bred german shepherd puppy. Woof!

So, this is how I did things back in my youth, and this is how I got the best baby of all time, and I never ever once told Matt NO! and I was pretty proud of that. I figured (hahahaha) he would never say NO! to me either.

Now, Matt was a tall baby and if you have a tall baby people tend to think he is older than he is and they completely ignore that he is toothless, drooling, fat like a baby, and completely bald and they start to ask him questions that he can't answer yet. So I would stroll around Brooklyn with my tall for his age year old baby in the stroller and nice friendly well meaning folks would bend over and ask 1 year old Matt "What's your name?" or "How old are you?" and before I could tell the annoying stranger they were talking to almost still an infant baby Matt would scream out NO! and for the first 27 times I could not for the life of me figure out where in the world Matt got the NO! from. Pretty much Matt's response to any question was NO! I had never told him NO!. I was sure of it. I was dumbfounded. And then one day I was thinking about the NO! as I walked the dog with Matt. And when the dog went to sniff something indescribably gross I said "NNOOooooooo" and when the dog was about to bark at a passing by dog I said "NNNOOOooo" and when the dog tried to cross the street on his own I said "NNNOOOooooo" and as if the heavens parted and the angel beam of light shined right on my head I realized that Matt must be talking to dogs when he says NO! to every probing stranger question.

This did not explain why Matt used to crawl around our living room with a ball in his mouth, or enjoy a playful game of fetch before dinner, but at least I knew where he had gotten the NO! from.

not what it seemed

I have kind of secretly been taking guitar lessons since September. I didn't keep it secret because I keep secrets, I just didn't mention it because I didn't feel completely committed. Progress has been slow for me since I never manage to make the time to practice. I can't get better if I don't practice! I knew that going in, but truthfully because of my crazy schedule and also because of the ongoing neck injury that makes it painful for me to lift my arm over the back of the big acoustic guitar, and also because I always save practice for the end of the day and then when I have to choose between sleep and guitar I head for bed, I just never do it. And then this past week I grabbed Matt's (who has also been taking lessons since September but practices every single day and is playing awesome already, his teacher says he learns in a week what other kids master in a month and I am as jealous as I am proud) smaller thinner electric guitar, and discovered I could play and play with no neck/shoulder/head pain at all! Now I have been playing and playing Matt's guitar and tonight the fingers on my left (chord pressing) hand are not enjoying typing at all. Pretty much the whole left side of the keyboard is a big ow ah ooh ouch.

Anyway, I went on line and found some songs that I played when I was 8 and 9 and took half assed guitar lessons in my NYC public school's inner city underfunded not destined to last for very long after school program. Man, was I a child of the 70's! Leavin on a Jet Plane, Blowin in the Wind, If I Had a Hammer, House of the Rising Sun, etc.... I was trying to remaster Puff The Magic Dragon because I thought Josh would really love to sing along that song with me when Evan came into the living room, took a seat and listened to my heart felt singing and "playing" of Puff. He smiled through sealing wax, frolicking in the autumn mist, and traveling on a boat with billowed sail. But when I got to a dragon lives forever and the one grey night it happened Evan sat up in alarm. He gripped the chair as I sang along until he finally pleaded with me "Who died? Was it Puff? Was it Jackie Paper? Wait, it sounds bad, what happened??" So in between words I said I'd tell him when I finished. I made him listen to the whole song. I totally hammed it up. I sang with feeeeeling. Evan was so adorably concerned. And then I told him the truth. And he who hung on to and memorized every single word out of the DARE officer's mouth, said "Oh, I get it! Puff! Hahaha."

matt wants a beard

Matt thought that this over manipulated Andy Warhol inspired shot of himself might help me to finally see just how handsome he would look with the thick and lush beard of his dreams that he desires so intensely if only I did not make him with my cruel authoritarian motherly ways shave those 23 scraggly chin hairs he actually has growing down there every three weeks or so.

Once you stop rolling on the floor laughing, check out Matt's twisted version of his beloved little brothers.

2 questions

Evan, inorder to complete his homework, had to call a (friend-type) classmate for the spelling words the other night. While they were on the phone, Evan asked the boy if he would like to come over Friday for a play date. The mom, with whom I have had some very nice pleasant chats and am interested in getting to know better, called me back an hour or so later to tell me that the son could not come to our house he had a scouts related activity that day. And then she said, with some kind of uncomfortable that I just couldn't place in her voice, "Can I ask you a couple of questions?" And my heart kind of twisted into a knot (because Oh No What Did Evan Say/Do? What kind of Freak Family does this woman think I am part of now?Oh! Evan!) and then I, despite the fright stomping on my chest, (deep breath) casually said "Sure!"

She hesitates.

Then finally.

"Were you .... bit by a shark?"

"Yes I was!" (relief!) Whew, I'm sure that seems unbelievable to the average suburban garden state house wife. Okay, that was easy, chit chat a little, share a little, is there something (gulp) else?

pause

more pause

I begin to sweat.

tick tick tick

"Were... Were.....Were you a Hooters waitress .... and did you wear a studded dog collar?"

??????????????????

WTF??

Thinking.....

Still thinking .......

Wheels turning....hmmm that does sound familiar.....

"Oh No! That wasn't me! That was Evan's Aunt, my little sister! Yes! But not at the same time! Hahahaha!"

Evan wrote a poem

Evan's assignnment last night was to write a poem using 10 of his 25 spelling words. He wrote this completely on his own and came to me with the finished product. The idea was his own and the words are all his too. I always thought he was secretly a grown up in a kids body. I love the way he writes.

Postcards oh postcards. Those little delights. They take you away from your boring old lives. Working on essays maintaining companies and massaging the everlasting headache. A glimpse of paradise is all you need to let your mind loose to set it free! As the excitement bubbles inside yourselves you examine the features of the postcard. You see a forest, lush with plant life, alive, moving, but most of all you see paradise. As the backgrounds sink into your head you are jerked from behind. You look up from your newly found paradise to see businessmen with Rolex watches. You see people bumping in to each other and yelling out hallow apologies. All this time you were still in the city experiencing the hustle and bustle of daily commute. But in your mind you were white water rafting in the Amazon, and panning for gold in California. You might even have been riding a scooter around Greek ruins. You’ll remember where you want to be more than where you are.

Moral of the story: It doesn’t matter where you are. All you need to do to go away is set your mind free.

still my baby not for long

Josh was just the absolute easiest bestest sweetest dream come true kid in the world today. And when he wasn't being only that (as if it isn't enough) he was being too freaking adorable. We spent the day with Boops' kids (who are Matt's and Evan's age) and I kept waiting to hear them call out for Josh's removal. They didn't have a single issue with him all day.

Then when we sat down to dinner (chinese takeout) Josh asked for a stallion pancake. I just love when kids do that. Then, a few bites later, Josh turned to me and used TV speak when he said "Mom, do you want to know what you get for me? Well, coming this summer from the award winning folks who brought you Lego Star Wars...." As horrifying (exactly how much tv does he see?) and annoying (talk like a kid kid!) as the TV speak is, I just want to wrap him in a tortilla (gluten free) and start munching every time he does it.

Maybe it is just him. I dunno.

Then tonight I needed to do some portraits if the boys. But I wanted to do it individually. First I grabbed Evan, then I called Matt up and then I called Josh, except Josh thought I was calling him for his bath so he shows up in my studio 2 minutes later in his birthday suit. And being as comfortable as a 6 year old can be in his birthday suit he plops right down on the stool and can't wipe the big grin off his face. But here is the one thing, I (for some reason) want to take a serious portrait and Josh can not stop laughing and giggling.
So, he's trying as hard as he can to hold the happiness in but he can't. And it is all so sweet and so naked and so this very moment and it won't last forever that my heart feels like it will just explode all over the room with all the love and happiness. And finally Josh manages to hold a serious face for a few seconds and I am in shock because WHERE DID MY BABY GO?

And who put this similar looking grown up-ish guy in his place? But it was only for a frame or two because before I knew it the giggles broke through and my baby was back and I am so incredibly grateful that I got that little bit of today on .. well I was going to say film but I guess I technically I got it on .... memory card and now through this modern miracle of 21st century technology I can put it here for you to see too.

cash and checks only

This morning the kids and I were discussing what errands we would be doing today. One errand was Matt's weekly comic book run to the comic book store to see if this week's new comics were out yet. (I consider that research for future career) Josh got very excited and asked if he could buy something for himself. I said he could with his own money. Within seconds Josh was back with the reclaimed dressing jar that he has been using to stash his hard earned (swiped from the laundry machine) cash. I got worried about Josh thinking he could spend every last dollar on the actions figures so I said he could only spend up to $10, thinking that he could get two packs of (still wasteful but less painful when stepped on) trading cards for just under $10.

Josh was crushed. He wanted to blow his whole wad. He didn't want to me try and reason with him so Matt, always the helpful (and entertaining and hilarious) one that he is told Josh he would explain it to him in a song. I kind of focused on the dishes at hand for a moment but came back to reality just in time to hear Matt enthusiastically singing "and when you are old ... and wearing adult diapers ..... action figures won't pay the rent."

"holiday" concert

Josh performed in his grade's holiday concert last week. For some reason the kids came into the gym-atorium as dogs. I'm not totally up on your holidays but I didn't know puppies were a christmas thing too.
Josh , breaking with his two older brother's tradition of not singing at all and standing there wide eyed and frozen, and using special Josh highly refined skills of completely over acting gazes longly at his star. (Note: not a Star of David)

Also, during the hand motion song towards the end Josh was really feeling the passion of something.
But what I haven't mentioned yet is that Josh has a cold with one of those really nasty sounding wet coughs going on and I probably should not have sent him to school that day, except his little heart would have been crushed if he missed the concert, so I sent him anyway. And now I fear that there are (or will shortly be) a few mothers nursing their coughing first grader kids through christmas who are raising their fists in the air and cursing my name every time their kid hocks out a big green louie just to be a good boy for santa and I will end up hiding in the shadows every day at pick up until someone else gives Josh a nice case of the chicken pox over spring vacation or something.

My kids think they are funny

NaBloPoMoney

Last night when I was at the ER with grandma the husband was in charge of putting the kids to sleep. He let Josh stay up late to watch the end of a DVD they had rented. First the husband bargained with/bribed Evan to pretend that Josh had been dutifully put to bed at 9. Then he turned to Josh to make sure that the child who had begged to stay up late was down with the ruse. Josh wanted to know how much he'd get for lying to me, not realizing that his bargain/bribe was the staying up past his bedtime part. The husband fell prey to Josh's abundance of adorable (sucka) and agreed to the same deal he had cut with Evan. They would get ten dollars to say Josh had gone to bed at 9.

During dinner tonight the subject of bed time came up and I (having been filled in by the husband who can not keep a secret ever) asked what time Josh had gone to bed last night. A hush fell over the table. All three boys stared at their laps. Then Evan boldly spoke up and said that he had gone to bed at 9:45. I turned to Josh and asked again what time he had gone to bed. His face lit up a smile spread from cheek to cheek and he announced "I went to bed at 9 o'clock last night!" then he turned to the husband and added "Now you owe me ten bucks!"

NaBurnedOutAtDay18

The scales are loaded with this right now: sleep on the one side and post on the other.
Naturally I'm going to post, because I said I would post each and every day for a whole painfully long month and heaven forbid I don't after thinking all those evil thoughts about the lucky people on the randomiser who skipped a day, but here is about all I am capable of right now. I've got two tid bits of cuteness that I emailed myself after hearing them (so I wouldn't forget!) and that is about it.

1. The husband took the boys to an old fashioned Kosher deli. It was full of atmosphere. They had the hundred year old shriveled salamis hanging from the ceiling. Evan glanced up and said "Whoa! Those things look like grandma!"

2. Putting Josh to bed he said to me "So, my bed is a jack right?" And I was so confused that I didn't know what to say. I just looked at him with my screwed up face. Then Josh, trying to clear things up for me, went on "Well, if yours is a king and Matt's is a queen, then what else is there?"

Also, Postsecret didn't post new post cards today and I am totally bumming. sigh. Well at least my girls at gofugyourself are not at a fashion show this week and Monday is always a good day over there.

That's all I got.

NephewSavesThePostForToday

So, feeling rather tapped out by both life (my personal one these days, not life in general) and also NaBloPostEverySingleDayBecauseYouSaidYouWould- AndNowYouHAVETO I sat in my vehicle at almost 3 o'clock this afternoon, waiting for Josh to get out of school wondering if I'd be able to summon the funny for tonight's post when lil sis called to save me with this anecdote.

This week, here in Stepford was conference week, (and you'll be happy to know my kids are still perfect and absolutely beloved by their respective teachers) so when lil sis said she had a conference with 8 year old nephew's teacher I wasn't surprised. . Lil sis said she and her husband were at my 8 year old nephew's private school (for boys who are incredibly smart just their aunts) for a conference with his teacher as well. Except it wasn't the kind that is all prescheduled and follows a report card. It was the kind where the teacher calls you on the phone at home and says in a very serious tone "There is something we need to discuss"

And I got so excited because OMG lil sis was a holy terror as a kid and if her kid has even a fraction of her ... spunk... then this is going to be such a fun ride! You know, for me! I'll just sit back and observe from 120 miles away. Someone get the popcorn!

So, lil sis starts telling the story, and I am all giddy and imagining lil sis holding the new baby nephew on her lap and her husband sitting in the little third grade chairs, wearing their nice teacher meeting clothes, with their knees up near their shoulders and sweating it out while the pinched faced bespectacled teacher (I have no idea what the teacher actually looks like) rifles through some papers setting her authoritative tone for this impromptu conference. And then the actual (as opposed to my imagined) teacher tells them that there was an incident involving my nephew (their son, what ever) and a computer.

And my imagination is speeding a thousand miles an hour, I think of the kid who while doing her animal report google imaged BEAVER, I'm thinking about wildmom's kids who should be hired right now by the government today (if the government has a brain) because those kids can and have done remarkable things on the computer (that we know about) and their school is not always thrilled about that (understatement), and I am thinking about lil sis's own personal brand of special and how she related to her teachers (In second grade lil sis's teacher wrote EXCELLENT across the top of lil sis's assignment and lil sis says to the teacher, "How dare you write on my paper! This is my paper and if you have something to say to me you can say it to my face.") and the possibilities of what my sweet charming nephew, son of lil sis, could have done between the potential genetic bad ass attitude he may have inherited from lil sis and the involvement of high tech 21st century equipment are literally getting me high.

Then the teacher, according to lil sis, explains to lil sis and her husband that the students were told to do some school related research on the computer and that they have been instructed to do their school research on elibrary.com (or something like that) and my nephew, jokester that he is, decided to entertain his pals and check out eharmony.com instead.

I couldn't contain my laughter.

Then lil sis reports that the teacher informs her that all the schools computers have had to have eharmony.com blocked from them.

So I'm guessing the teachers won't be internet dating from the faculty lounge any more.

NaBrickHouse

Hey mighty mighty letting it all hang out!

Dinner got off to a rocky start tonight. By rocky you can pretty much guarantee that we were all perfectly content except Evan (my man on the edge. I have taken to describing him as "edgy". I think it fits, don't you?) who was doing his best to agitate someone (Josh) else, while I was doing my best not blow my top (and scream in front of my (judging) parents). Luckily there was peace in sight tonight! Tonight thanks to a table topics (I can not tell you how much my kids love the table topics) tangent (the best part of table topics is how far we can go with a single idea) we went around the dinner table saying something nice about the family member to our left. It was all very loving, very hallmark card, very aaaawww, and rather dry and predictable until we got to Evan who stood up and performed a whole original song and dance about how great his brother Matt is. You can imagine the accolades of praise he received after his original vocals and choreography and Evan, being one who loves the spotlight as much as any one else who loves the spotlight then grabbed some nearby paper and penned a funny, touching , loving song for every family member at the table. When he turned to me, to present my original song of specialness after a lively and amusing over the top introduction, Evan broke into his very special rendition of Brick House complete with his very Chippendale dancer type moves. It was funny, but not as good as Matt's song of love and appreciation, but then Evan sang a real made up just for me song and my favorite line in his song was "You are a pearl among pebbles". Evan said he thought this one up all by himself (along with "You are a shark among fish", which didn't exactly strike the same chord) so don't even think of telling me that you have heard it before. But you know that the next time Evan pretends to load and shoot a semi automatic weapon into his brother's head, I am going to summon up all that good loving pearl among pebbles energy and try to react (without freaking) accordingly.

NaBloGenderConfused

Evan: (thinking in a sing song kind of way) Pretty pretty I can be so pretty
Josh: WTF?!?

In yet another, cool guys aren't afraid to wear heels (and now I know lil sis's true shoe size!) moment, Evan decided that despite the not one but two different costumes he talked me into spending lots of cold hard cash for this fall, he wanted to go as a girl for halloween. Boops donated her old nursing dress, we had the wig from my own personal stint as Buttercup one year and lil sis donated the 3 inch heels. How clever is my frighteningly gorgeous (as a girl) 10 year old son? The real girls couldn't resist him all day. They spent their Halloween day coming up with girl names that fit Evan and also giving him hair and makeup tips. My personal tip would have been: no sweat socks with lil sis's 3 inch mules, but whatever... Very slick there son, very slick.

The above photo was taken on the way out the door in the morning. By the time Evan (Evelyn, Evana, Evanka) participated in his school's halloween parade at 2 o'clock he looked like a lady of the evening after a particularly gruelling shift. His wig was crooked and mussed, his eye makeup smeared and he was limping (all the while sashaying down the driveway) after not ever changing into the sneakers his mother made him bring to school for day time use.

Which didn't matter much anyway because Evanika passed out on the couch upon returning home from school to awake two hours later with 103.5 fever. Sadly, he was then quaranteened to the bedroom and did not participate in last night's national sugar binge. This year might go down as a Suckoween in Evana's book.

Josh didn't wear his Harry Potter outfit (including the over priced brand new robe, over priced glasses, over priced plastic wand, over priced broomstick, and something else, oh yeah, the ugly over priced diagonal striped tie) but instead opted for a more royal type day of glutonous paganism. It worked out well in the end because there were many Harry Potter's walking around Josh's school but there were no other kings, unless you counted one King Tut. Let's not count him, Okay?

Matt didn't wear the huge afro, sunglasses and bling he got at the costume store in September either. Instead, he went as Sanjaya. He had a pony-hawk.

The girls didn't respond to him the same way. It was anti-climactic. Next year I am going to get him a cheerleading outfit. (Just kidding!)

Since I was upstairs (my useless presence was absolutely required) tending to (breathing the same air as) poor sick (hopefully not contagious) Evan I asked the husband to turn off all 43 of the voice and motion activated halloween devices which decorate our front porch each year. Not knowing where the (oh so tricky they are pratically child proof) off buttons are located (Uh, on the back maybe?) he instead brought each device inside, which was fine through the night while the devil dog was in her crate, but once I let her loose this morning there was some kind of ghoulish commotion coming from the living room and the box of voice and motion activated devices. I had a grandma's rehab roommate flashback. shivers. Then I turned all of power switched to"OFF" and joined Evan for his (and my desperately needed) day of couch vegetating. He is still sick, but I feel much better.

NaBloMeAKiss

It's getting harder and harder to summon the energy to face another day each morning. This morning I woke up and realized that I had been so preoccupied with my mother and grandma that I hadn't been giving barely any worry time to dad. He's been taking his oral chemo and following the timed eating plan (so that the chemo is delivered to an empty stomach) like a real trooper. Dad's weak and sleeping more than his usual 17 hours a day, but he is trooping right along. I am praying that he he is the 50% of people for whom oral chemo will effective. I don't know how I'd be about taking my medicine if those were my odds. I suppose it easier to do that kind of thing when you only focus on yourself, but I know that if I had to be on that schedule it would be a disaster.

And I am not even considering that inconvenient fact that I eat/nosh/snack/binge all through the day pretty much every day just to get myself through. I am thinking purely of being on schedule. My boss out of the blue asked me how the binge thing was working for me the other day and I I told her that even though it wasn't working I was seemingly determined to keep on eating that way. I suppose eventually I won't be able to walk anymore if I keep gaining all this weight and then maybe no one will bring me cartons of ice cream and I'll take some of the weight off again. You know, I'll be back down to walking weight.

Last year I was among the first to sign up for NaBloMeDown and I really do want to keep things as normal as possible around here and really do want to participate except this year I am only pretending to be normal and in reality am very close to that proverbial edge. I think I'll signup anyway and see if I can just do it. I loved that pink elephant thing. (was it pink? it was an elephant right?) I figure if I go back to the iphone posting torture of last summer I can at least throw down a few lines here and there. Right? I am going to try to summon the funny side for more of November. She is still around and recognizing the funny in life, like Matt's interpretation of the scenario which enabled the brand new and somewhat inept possibly reality challenged limp wristed crossing guard becoming a crossing guard. Matt conjured up this image of a super friendly, yet dim witted, sort of guy who liked to wave (somewhat frantically) at the people on the street. Matt imagines that the waving guy thinks he has been selected to get paid to stand in the middle of the road and frantically wave "Hello", which he would have done for free anyway because he simply loves to wave "hello", to all the cars passing by. And now the waving man is so incredibly happy, his waving talents are on display for all to see. But he's not sure why he has to hold a stop sign or wear an orange jacket. (You know my babes are totally gonna get that joke because you kind of have to see this guy to believe that the local cops would actually pay him to disrupt traffic the special (needs) way he does!)

So, I am going to register for NaBloBloBloYourBoatGentlyDownTheStream as soon as I get back from little sis's house. Tomorrow. We are taking the kids up to meet their new cousin. And see utopia, whose progress has been painfully slow. But there has been progress, and in the scheme of things, I can't muster enough energy to give the contractor a hard time. So at least there has been progress. And a new baby, can't forget about him. He's really cute.

lyrics

El3m3ntary School G@ngst@
Yo, I'm a ten year old
my teeth are pure gold
girls have cooties, or so I'm told
I never brush my teeth, my toothbrush has mold

I get straight D's, but it don't really matter
'cause my lunch is handed to me on a silver platter
I'm king of the playground, so now you see,
how great it is to be
ten year old me!

(CHORUS)
El3m3ntary school g@ngst@
El3m3ntary school g@ngst@
El3m3ntary school g@ngst@
El3m3ntary school g@ngst@

I get my lunch for free, the lunch aids respect me
school bullies (are) just a little speck to me
I'll punch 'em so hard they gather trajectory

CHORUS

I got a gold plated pop-gun
I'll shoot you if the cartoons are on reruns

CHORUS

my momma tried to ground me, I had her whacked
Now at every turn she'll be attacked (this is part I have issues with)

CHORUS 2X

my babies made a video

matt stories

why medicines should not be allowed to advertise on tv:

Matt was watching television the other night and he settled on the show The King of Queens. After a few minutes he abruptly changed stations. When I shot him a questioning look he shrugged his shoulders and said “The King of Queens is having erectile dysfunction issues. I can’t relate to that.”

Eaves dropping

After reading George and Martha to Josh, the husband was overheard saying “What?!? I thought George was a really ugly elephant!”

Josh: No, He’s a hippopotamus

Matt: (Dashing into the room) Josh, are you sure he’s a HIP-Opotamus and not just a really cool Opotomus?

lovely Evana the Shaker milk maid

At that Shaker village we went to there was a "discovery" center where kids could do things like milk a fake cow and dress up in old fashioned Shaker clothing. Evan, being the lover of all things costume, bee lined for the dress up corner but when he discovered that boys had only shirts and hats to choose from he opted for the girls more involved period clothing. The best part came when Evan began skipping around the center flapping his hands and I stood in the middle of the place laughing so hard I was doubled over with my legs crossed trying desperately hard not to wet my pants. It was proud family moment, yes it was.

you can call me Al

We went to the lake association’s picnic. They had name tags for the people to fill out. Matt picked one up and wrote “Hi my name is Jamal” This past school year he tried to convince a group of sixth graders that he was Matt’s twin brother Jamal. Some of them believed him. (B- your sixth grader can fill you in on this)

Evan, not to be out done by his big brother (because, we all got a good chuckle off of Matt’s tag) grabbed a name tag for himself and wrote, “Hi, I am Voldemort”. Then he offered his tag writing assistance to Josh, and not agreeing with Josh’s alias choice of Venom, penned a tag for Josh which read “HI, I am Chuck Norris”. Since there was a very pretty 18 year old girl laughing at all of this name tag folly Evan dashed off a couple more tags for himself. By the time we left the picnic you could have also called him P. Diddy and Sister Mary.

Tatoo

The other night I gave Josh some quarters to get a tatoo out of the vending machine. He ended up getting a rose and fearing he wouldn't want a flower I quickly informed him that the toughest sailors and bikers used to get roses and then write their loved ones names across it. He asked to have the tatoo put on immediately. The next morning when he woke up he asked me if I could write on my mother's name. He said he figured that of all the people he loved she needed it the most.

I spoke to mom this morning and she said she thinks she has turned the corner. She is feeling much better.

good day all day

When I first got the note home from the Middle School describing the play/dinner/dance event they (over achieving middle school PTO mothers) had planned for the (hormone riddled irrational) kids my immediate response was to plan on doing what ever I could do or say to encourage Matt to go to this thing. I just want him to have the same experiences as the other (non-neurologically impaired) kids. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine he would actually want to go. But he seemed completely fine and totally unfazed by the idea. (Huh?!?!) As a matter of fact, when I dropped him off at school the morning of the trip he walked a straight line into the building for the first time this year.

He never did phone me from his cell, like I asked him (between sobs at drop off) to. But I, trying to remain calm, took this as a good sign, and after checking CNN on line for terrorist activity in NYC each and every hour on the hour, and seeing that there had been none, I managed to relax a bit myself, if just a little. I toughed it through the day with out Matt's assistance, and the two younger siblings survived, although I did hear Josh wandering around the house calling "Matt?? MATT??" when he wanted to go onto Matt's WOW account and didn't know his password, and I reminded him that Matt wasn't here.

Also, bedtime was clearly anticlimactic for Josh without Matt's fabulous made up on the spot stories. When the book selection I read to him left him wanting more I tried to entertain him with the bizarre song my folks used to sing to little sis and me when were young. It goes like this "and if you don't go to sleep....(pounce on kid)THE LIONS ARE GOING TO GET YOU and if you don't go to sleep the (pounce) THE TIGERS ARE GOING TO GET YOU and if you don't go to sleep (pounce) THE ELEPHANTS ARE GOING TO GET YOU....... " and on and on until me and little sis began to twitch and drool or gave some other indication that we were significantly terrified of not going immediately to sleep and would stay in our beds for the night. Josh was less than impressed.

Little did I know, my first born was at that very moment, not only feasting on his dream come true "pigs in blankets for as far as the eye could see", but he was also dancing up a storm! Matt danced every single dance for the entire length of the dance. Matt danced so much, that aside from gobbling down a handful or two of the pigs in blankets, he not only didn't eat, but he didn't even bother finding a table at which to sit. As if all my motherly advice (thank you David Garbage wherever you are!) over the years did sink in Matt tells me for much of the evening he group danced in a big circle with as many as four girls at a time! Until the last dance that is, until he danced with a girl that was either named Sharon or Shannon. He wasn't sure. Luckily for Matt there are no Sharons in 8th grade and only one Shannon. Unfortunately there are a plethora of Sarahs and even a Savannah and I imagine there was some serious loud music playing when the dancing girl told my sweaty boy her name. And by sweaty I mean undershirt shirt soaked from the neck line right down to the bottom seams complete with salt marks and everything. My boy gave his all out there on the dance floor. I'm so proud. Also, he did a dance demonstration for me, and I just love how he dances. Did I ever mention how much I love an enthusiastic akward dancing boy? Matt is so white.

When Matt walked into the house late that evening he was so excited he could only talk fast and loud and with a lot of hand motions. He thought the play was great, the other kids hated it because they couldn't get over that there were no actual pirates in The Pirate Queen, but he loved it. Matt had a good time on the bus with his friends and later when he got the dinner dance the music was current, and that made it better, and the pigs in blankets, it was like a dream come true, complete with sweeping arm motions that left me imagining an entire buffet table of pigs in blankets. It was so cute and such a happy moment. I could have just listened to him chatter away with my own big grin across my tired (and relieved) mother face all night long.

dangling no more

The first bribe I attempted was $50 bucks for anyone who caused the dangler to fall. I may or may not have suggested that one of brothers either punch him in the face or accidentally kick him in the mouth. I even may have suggested which direction I thought would be most productive. No questions asked to the baby tooth removing assistant but they had a 24 hour time limit to cash in. I got looks of disbelief from my boys, so I may or not have offered cash and/or webkins to all the kids friends too. The brothers were too chicken. I had to go and raise nice kids. Damn me. The friends, I am sure didn't think I was serious. Dumb friends, they could have gotten anything from me! The second bribe was a no holds barred shopping trip to the toy store. There was also an Apple store bribe. Josh wasn't buying any of it. He wouldn't even wiggle the damned thing, which was so loose that it would flip up and lie horizontal poking straight out his mouth so he could bite off and chew food with out dislodging it.

Then I went on that school trip of Josh's yesterday, and the dangler had gotten to hanging real low and crooked and three separate mother chaperones told me they couldn't look at Josh while speaking to him because they got nauseous from seeing it.

The husband offered Evan $10 to "take care of" it last night, I tripled the amount and gave him 5 minutes. Evan told Josh he would put him to bed and this is how the rest of it went down according to Josh: "Evan commanded me to sit on the toilet seat and I did except I was so afraid I kept my eyes closed." But the next thing I hear is Evan shouting "Mom! It's out!" and I race up the stairs cackling like an extremely happy witch to see Josh frantically rinsing with pink tinged water from a dixie cup and Evan standing there with a satisfied look of accomplishment on his face.

The only catch is that they can't find the tooth because according to Evan it went flying out, may have hit the wall, and he absolutely heard it hit the base board heater and he assumes the tooth is inside of the heater now. Evan demonstrates what he did with Josh's toothbrush to get the damned thing out. Imagine an innocent looking Batman toothbrush as an ice pick, chisel and crow bar all in one. Josh says it happened fast. He does not appear to be traumatized.

Naturally Evan (to the rescue) had to write another letter to Athena, this one being in some sort of Evan fabricated ancient anguage, but a letter with an offering of sea glass, a bullet necklace, molten copper and a black mineral/rock of some sort.

Today I handed Evan a wad of cash, dashed off to the toy store, purchased some action figures, a magna doodle, and a new sword. But I also kissed Josh right on the sweet lips for the first time in four days with out having to throw a blanket over his face so that the dangler couldn't poke out of his pucker and touch me. Good times.

wild thing

When I was a first year teacher and had to fill out report cards for the first time I went to the local teacher's store and picked up a book of report card comments that could give a light hearted spin to the most delinquent criminal in the class. This book was priceless. It listed typical student traits and gave sample comments that a teacher could use, comments that sounded professional that would not incite a parent to slit your throat on the spot or follow you home and burn down your apartment building. That book was priceless, and I marveled at how there was something to describe each and every kid I had in my little (traumatized,emotionally disturbed, learning disabled) class.

Fast forward 19 years, and I happen to have the kinds of kids that (almost) always come through for me in public situations. In a restaurant my kids are ideal. Airplane? A dream come true. Play dates? They are remarkably polite and courteous. Even in school where they have to spend day in and day out with their teachers, they usually maintain that perfect child aura. I marvel at how the kids are able to charm the pants off of their teachers year after year. Naturally, I see a more, ahem, "relaxed" side of them at home and then I, perhaps mistakenly, attribute that to them being regular old normal kids. Knowing how well they are able to maintain the illusion of perfection for long periods of time, I still have my moments of doubt and sometimes find myself maybe praying a little in certain situations, like opening their report cards for example.

Today Evan's religious school report card came in the mail. His teacher seemed to have a good handle on just who Evan really is, (the real Evan, not the public persona Evan) and I can tell Evan's religious school teacher didn't get his comments from the book.

This is what Evan's teacher wrote:

"What a creative and imaginative young man! There were times when I struggled to keep Evan on point, or to pull his stories around so they connected to the ones we were studying. Truth is, much of The Bible is a parade of battles and military strategies, so Evan's knowledge of modern warfare helped the group relate to the ancient tales. The boy mind is a wild thing- his is wonderful to behold."

Evan, my little assualt rifle toting wild thing.

Evan saves the day

Yesterday Josh lost a tooth! That makes one tooth lost on the boat in Alaska, one up at our island house and one in the Bahamas. If I want Josh to have a full set of adult teeth I might have to travel a lot more the next 10 years.

Last night we gave the boys their long awaited room service and an overpriced hotel movie night. Yup, my kids check in to a hotel and ask "Can we have room service?" before the luggage even arrives. I told them we'd wait until the end of the vacation when we were all tired. Except I didn't want to eat room service so the husband and I left them with Matt in charge and went down to the casual place right in our hotel. As the husband and I waited in line to get in to the restaurant we remembered how last time we were here Evan chose to eat in the restaurant with us and we felt secure leaving Matt and Josh alone. I said a silent prayer at that point.

When I came back to the rooms (without the husband who had gone off to gamble) Evan rushed up to me and anounced that there had been a crisis in our absence. Immediately I suspected that he had been behind it and that he was telling me first in order to soften the blow. I rushed past Evan and looked around for hotel room crisis clues, things appeared as they should be. There were no burnt window curtains, the television was still sitting on the bureau, the room service left overs were all still on the table.

I checked the bed and saw that Josh was blissfully tucked in and fast asleep, it looked good to me. I looked to Evan and he told me that when the boys had no idea where I had left Josh's tooth they searched the bag of stuff we've been toting around. They couldn't find it and Josh panicked. He was very upset. Evan managed to reel Josh in and calm him down by admitting that he had accidentally seen the toooth fairy once, they had become friends, and that he would now write a note to her and he was sure she would be very understanding. According to Evan, Josh was reluctant to believe his big brother until big brother Evan provided a name for the tooth fairy. Evan declared her name to be Athena (since he is currenty reading a fictional novel based on all the greek gods) and Josh calmed right down.

Here is the note that Evan wrote to Athena aka: The Tooth Fairy:

Dear Athena,

My L-B J-man (Little Brother Josh man) has lost a tooth but is unable to retrieve it in time so here is the description:

He drew a little rectangular tooth with an arrow pointing from the bottom to the written word RED

Lost in Paradise Island Nassau Atlantis

Thank you
Sincerely
Evan R. (R stands for Rocky, which is the middle name Matt gave Evan when Evan was upset about not having a middle name)
Josh

Since we are in the Bahamas, I told Josh that maybe the Tooth Fairy (now aka:Athena) might give out casino chips for teeth. So in addition to the casino chips I left under Josh's pillow, I also left my own note. The note that I (as Athena) wrote to Josh said:

Dear Josh,
I found it!
See you soon! (which means: get the other loose out so your mouth can be symmetrical!)

Athena T.F.

water logged phone pole legs

What a day. Evan came into my room this morning just as I was managing to wake up all the while wondering wether or not my normal legs had been replaced with water logged telephone poles that were sinking deep into the bed. He slipped into the husband's recently vacated spot and I turned to say good morning to him. I said "Good morning Brown" (which I call him since he is my only brown eyed boy) and had the sudden vision of a young man Evan trying to pick up women by saying "What can Brown do for you?" I thought I was hilarious, Evan didn't.

I dropped Evan and Matt of at school, picked up some cleaning supplies, and headed over to the Old Folks Home (from now on referred to as The OFH) to see grandma. The great news was that not only was she out of bed and dressed, she even had makeup on, and lip stick too! Josh and I brought her down to breakfast. She seemed great! Then we went back up to her apartment to do some unpacking. I tried to degrease her little microwave, but seeing me cleaning upset her ... a lot. So I switched to unpacking. Seeing photos of my grandpa who died in 1969 made her cry. She said she was mad at him for leaving her. I said he had couldn't help it, he died. I swirtched to a different box. This unpacking continued to upset her for a bit, until Josh got interested in unrolling the 1/2 ton of paper the movers used to protect grandma's long life time of bric a brac. It was fun for Josh to find the little ceramic duckies and unicorns hiding in all the shredded dead trees. I made grandma in charge of paper collection, so we all had a job and I managed to clear out about 5 more boxes. Then I dropped Josh off at school.

It was off to the track then. Remember that lofty 5K goal I made for next May? And how I was going to not only be able to run 5K in May, but do it for an actual 5K race? I've been less and less sure I could do it, but I managed to find my groove, and today I did 12 laps (3 miles, or approx 5K) and actually ran 5 of them, which means I ran 1 1/4 miles! There is a first for me! At some point I am pretty sure I channelled the awkward run of the awkward runner I see around town. I may have run awkward but hey, I was running.

Then it was off to Starbucks to main line some latte, and over to the Middle School up Matt. I hung at home with Matt for a few minutes, and then I drove over to Josh's school where I got to sit in the truck for 1/2 hour just so I could get a good parking space and be able to leave fast to pick up Ev. So as not to waste my precious time, I initiated project PSA for Public Bathroom Use. So far so good, it got a chuckle out of Evan so if you like potty humor, stay tuned.

I then brought Evan and Josh back to The OFH, unpacked two more boxes, which Evan enjoyed tremendously. He liked taking charge of Josh and letting Josh know that Evan had all the answers to all of grandma's curious stuff. I stifled a laugh when I overheard Evan telling Josh that something he had unwrapped was "decreational" because all I could imagine it being was a very pretty bong. Then I gathered the boys and grandma, and headed off to Target. You see, when I signed all 900 pages of The OFH contract, I noticed there was a clause in there which mentioned that all electricity using devices must have UL tags on the cords and meet current safety standards. Ahhhh, let's just say that grandma needs new lamps. Honestly, I don't think I'd plug her lamps into my home, just saying. Grandma said she wouldn't mind burning to death, but I said we had to think of the neighbors.

Since Target is such a huge place, I cleverly called ahead and asked if they had a wheelchair I could use for grandma. They said they did, but upon arrival I was pointed toward an electric chair scooter with a big basket on it. Hahaha! Joking right? Nope. Grandma climbed in and she was off. She was like a little kid zipping around with a big smile plastered on her face. Several times she tried to let the boys have her seat and I had to forbid that. Grandma settled on letting them depress the forward button, so grandma zoomed down the aisles steering with the two boys jogging by her side, pressing the go forward lever. Every motherly bone in my body wanted to yell "Hands off the cart!!" at them, but grandma was so darned happy with the whole set up that I couldn't bring myself to do it. I simply stayed 10 steps ahead of them clearing the aisles and warning the other shoppers.

We brought grandma back to the house for dinner, which I picked up on the way home (Japanese tonight, as opposed to diner food last night and Chinese the night before. I wonder of they miss me at Whole Foods) I tried my "What can Brown do for you?" line from this morning out on Matt, who thought it made as much sense as some scenario where Matt whispers "Where the pets go" or "America runs on Matthew" so I am seeing that no one else gets my humor here. I returned Grandma to The OFH around 7:30. I'm pretty sure she was happy and content. She told me how much she enjoyed the boys and how good it is to know she will be seeing them all the time. I told her, that now I could say "See you tomorrow" instead of "I'll try to come back soon" and I'm sure that deep down inside she knows that even though she has to adopt to this new surroundings, it'll be a happier life for her from now on. The proof is below.

I'm too dumb to keep my mouth shut, too dumb to keep my mouth shut, too dumb

In the morning I gather up the kids, get them all in the truck and commence, what is fondly known as (cue maniacal laughter) the drop off. First I drop off Evan at his school. Usually I breath a deep sigh of relief when he finally exits the vehicle since the few minutes from our driveway to his school are typically spent listening to Evan complain about something or someone. Sometimes I wonder if I removed everything he complained about if he would ever run out of topics to be dissatisfied with or if he would just be left standing in a big void of nothingness. I suspect the answer to that question is the void, but I am trying not to dwell on it.

I am left with Matt and Josh and I head to Matt's school. We usually arrive about 4 or 5 minutes before the last possible second Matt could walk through the doors and still be on time so I typically turn off the engine (No more idling for me, have you seen Inconvenient Truth?!?!) and chat with Matt until he goes in. Matt doesn't start his day with the first period, he begins with the second so when we are sitting outside the school it is all quiet except for the other late for school stragglers and a few mothers running in with forgotten homework assignments or lunches.

This morning we watched a woman running in with two identical lunch boxes. She had an urgent look on her face, and trotted down the sidewalk with a real sense of purpose. Matt took one look at the lady and began singing the opening beat of Eye Of The Tiger. It was a perfect match, we laughed over it. Then a boy got dropped off and shuffled towards the door, jacketless in the cold winter air, head down and pretty dejected looking. Matt said "Wait, I can do this one too!" and began singing Mr. Lonely. (Do not ask me how Matt knows all the words to Mr. Lonely, I am as shocked as anyone else) Matt sang it until the second the door slammed on the boy's back. It was another perfect delivery and we laughed some more.

Then a third car pulled up and a bleached blonde Stepford wife stepped out. She had on her tres chic over sized sun glasses and her skinny jeans. I yelled "I have this one!" As the S.W. swaggered past our truck, carrying a brown bagged lunch towards the school. I sang "I'm too sexy for this lunch, too sexy for this lunch, too sexy...." trying all the while to sound as deep and gravelly as the original version. Once the door closed on this woman I turned to Matt with a big "I can do it too!" grin on my face, only to see his shocked expression, mouth hanging open and headed shaking side to side in shock. Shame ran over me like a tidal wave when I realized that Matt didn't look at 40 something year old women and ever think anything about "sexy". Then it was time for Matt to go in, except today it was more of an "escape from the weirdness which is my mother" and he exited the vehicle. Next time, I'm not participating, I'll just sit back and laugh at his more *ahem* tasteful song choices.

thinking out loud

There is something about the way Josh talks that just makes me (and other mothers too) just want to squeeze his cheeks. He always has a sing song happiness to his tone, and even the way he chooses to phrase his words is just sweeter than honey. If I am out and I call home and Josh answers the phone, I could just dissolve into water hearing his voice. I have to make a conscious effort to listen to what he is saying while fighting the urge to talk pooky mooky baby talk to him. He is that cute.

So when Josh says something adult, uses a phrase which is beyond his years, or even attempts to use some one else's deeper voice, I typically turn to Matt who can tell me which tv show Josh picked it up from. Josh remembers everything he hears on tv. The funniest thing is that he uses all this television inspired dialogue to talk himself through what ever happens to be difficult for him. Sometimes, I'll hear him saying things like "That's it, just a little bit longer...." , "You can do it, we have faith in you..." or my personal favorite "Just use the force." depending on what task he needs encouragement with. It makes him all the more adorable if you ask me.

This morning I had to dash out of the house to pick up Evan after getting a call from the school nurse. It wasn't serious, Evan had a stomach ache, but once I committed myself to retrieving Evan, I felt that I had to do it quickly. Despite my having parked the truck the other way around from the usual way I park it, and also despite that I made it a point to tell Josh I was parking the other way around so that he could get out on the not so icy side of the driveway when we pulled in from dropping his brothers off at school a mere hour earlier, Josh went his usual way (the now ice covered way) and naturally wiped out on the driveway. His palms were scraped and black, his knees were scraped up too. He was crying a most soft and pathetic kind of injured baby bird cry. My heart was in throat. I got him into the truck, belted him in, and half way calmed down before jumping into the driver's seat and heading out to pick up Evan. During our three minute drive to Evan's school Josh's soft post crying noises began to subside. Then he was silent. I looked into the rear view mirror to see if maybe he was holding his breath only to see him, head back, eyes closed with an expression of deep concentration on his face. Just when I was about to ask him if he was o.k. he said to himself, in a very robotic and power ranger kind of way MUST-RELIEVE-PAIN.

blood lines

During the preholiday catalog rush of 2006, the husband spotted and purchased this It was a total hit with the kids. They really look forward to it and we have had some great conversations which grew out of the cards. Sometimes we go off on tangents and have conversations I never would have thought of. Somenights the cards are less exciting, and we can answer the questions easily and without much thought. Tonight's question was "what's your favorite story about an ancestor" (They don't believe in capitals or question marks)

I tilted my head, and thought about the story of my teenaged grandfather spotting my teenaged grandmother walking down the street for the very first time one afternoon and declaring "That's the girl I am going to marry!"

Josh didn't have to think about his favorite ancestor story, he knew right away which story is his favorite, half way through my hazy soft focus imagined grand parental meeting back in 1927 Brooklyn, Josh shouts out "I know my favorite story! It's Noah!"

right back at ya baby

Josh is the ultimate optimist. He is always happy. To say he sees the glass half full is an understatement, he sees the fabulous drink inside and can't wait for a taste. Josh wakes up with a smile on his face, and stays that way all day long. He is really a pleasure to be around.

The other day we were chatting and I noticed that when he said the word "family" he said it as if "family" was winning the lottery, a dream come true, water in the dessert, the best thing ever. The way he said "family" warmed my heart so much that I made him to promise to marry a woman only if she was as happy as he is. I hope he remembers about that.

Today I gave Josh some much needed playground time after school. At 4:15 when the mothers couldn't take the chill anymore Josh asked to go home with a friend. The friend''s mother said "Yes" and I told Josh he could go if he told me something sweet. I bent over, half expecting him to say "chocolate milk" or something like that in my ear but instead he whispered "I'll love you until the end of time."

Matt vs power reading teacher: round 2

Matt, in another fit of brilliance, had yet another one of his ideas rejected by his power reading teacher. In all fairness to Matt, when he told me last year that this teacher had it out for him, I asked another neighborhood kid what she thought of the teacher and the kid replied "She hates everyone." It is for this reason Matt knows I will be understanding should he exhibit any less than stellar attitude while in her class, since in the world of teacher versus my kid, I found it works out best to almost always side with my kid. That is when it comes to Matt, who is usually a complete law abiding boy scout and only has trouble with teachers who try to be the bad ass. Should Evan ever come home with any of Matt's stories I am fully prepared to be called in to the principal's office.

That being said, Matt told me today that another one of his ideas had been rejected by the power reading teacher. The task was to come up with a story that would be appropriate for a first or second grade student to read. What this teacher has neglected to understand is that Matt along with many of his classmates spent their early childhood years reading and being inspired by books by Dav Pilkey. After the initial idea rejection, a somewhat defeated Mat