So, I've been carefully placing my left boob in an out of bras trying very hard not to jostle, rub or otherwise irritate and therefore break open the gigantic 2nd degree boob burn blister and I was doing just fine until today. It's open and it freaking itches so bad I want to cry and scream. IT'S NOT FAIR!! WHY ME!!! OH LORD! WHY ME??? But what I really want is a medically induced coma until this burn hell is over. I was thinking I might have to buy one of those turtle neck post mastectomy bathing suit tops this summer to wear if god forbid I want to go out in the sun with my raw meat breast hanging out, but then I realized that somewhere in the disaster that is my closet is one of those SPF 50 shirts that I had to buy years ago in the bahamas when I sun screened everyone except for my own face and hands, and I only got my own hands because after sun screening everyone else I kept rubbing the excess into my own hands. Mommy always comes last and I'm so freaking tired of that.
I let myself fantasize about being an empty nester and getting to choose the kind of life I want to live, including living where I want to live and never having to care about a school district again and then Evan went and told me how helpful it would be if I stayed in this house in new town (which I feel completely alienated from and do not want to be a part of) so he could return after college and live here for a COUPLE of years while he saves money and sets himself up for life. Also, Josh is having some kind of fantasy where he returns on vacation and visits his old high school as an acting program success story. lordy lordy lord. Give me strength.
I told the kids all I wanted for mother's day was for the three of them to let me photograph them one day when they completely cooperated and Matt came up Sunday to give me my photo gift day. To be honest, I was so happy just being together with the three of them that I took the photos but didn't actually feel like I needed to. They cooperated and it was just so wonderful and sad at the same time. Wonderful because I love and adore each of them so much but sad because as much as I want and look forward to my empty nest I would honestly like my empty nest to be geographically convenient to their personal nests so I could have my fill of them when I wanted.
And lastly, I desperately need some new bras and that is such a drag when actual stores don't carry your size and you have to order stuff off the internet and hope it fits. Also, I don't want to try new bras on with my crispy skinless left ta-ta. That's kind of gross, especially now that I know how filthy clothes can be straight from the manufacturer. I'm gonna wash those under garments before I wear them.