So. Things are not good. The husband took a little tumble at the edge of a parking lot and managed to split his eye brow open (three stitches), give himself a black eye, crack 2 ribs and scrape the skin off of his knees, one fore arm, his forehead, palms and knuckles. (not sure how he got both sides of each hand but that man was thorough if nothing else)
Naturally, I took him to the ER, and they ran blood tests which showed that maybe the heart failure meds were putting too much strain on the kidneys and also probably contributed to his general overall dizziness and now he is off the heart failure meds. The problem lies in the lack of alternate heart failure meds, there is not a big selection in this area. I'll shoot an email off to the heart doctor this week. The good news is that he was already steadier on his feet 24 hours without the medication. (versus the bad news which is that his heart is on its own now... and that wasn't working out so well for him lately)
I shot a nasty threatening note to the realtor who hasn't been showing the utopian house and he immediately replied that he had just lined a client up for Tuesday. I do really want this house to sell. Part of me wants to fight for it but the other part of me wants to find myself somewhere affordable where I will not have to hustle to make ends meet. Naturally, I am imagining this person to fall instantly in love with the house and want to scoop it up immediately. Wouldn't that be nice!!
Right now my plans are as follows: If utopia hasn't sold before Josh graduates, I put the new town house up for sale to move here immediately after his high school graduation. If utopia sells, my plan is to mourn for a few months where I am so deeply and tragically saddened and yet simultaneously relieved of the financial burden that I lose a ton of weight, gain a ton of physical strength and emerge like a butterfly in my healthier less large skin and sit down with a fresh set of pencils (which I can only afford because we sold utopia) and redraw the map for the rest of my life. There are two options here 1. The husband is still around when Josh graduates I stay put in new town for a while because I cannot even imagine finding all new doctors for him. 2. I am a widow when Josh graduates, and I do what ever the hell I want at that exact moment I want to do it because for the first time ever I get to make myself a priority. Not sure how I do that, it definitely does not come naturally, so maybe I'll take a workshop in "How to be a person who takes of her own needs as if she matters."
Part of me fantasizes about putting my favorite stuff in a storage locker, giving the rest away and hitting the road in a camper. Except I'd have sweet pea with me, so technically I have to take into account her needs, like that pesky need for exercise, but she doesn't complain much. Maybe me and my dog will do something insane like see all the best dog parks in the U.S.
At some point I realized that in my current state of stress/panic/duress dogs make me happier than anything. I can scroll through page after page of dogs doing dumb stuff on the internet and just spew love for all the dogs. When I left the husband in the emergency room the other day after being in there for 6 hours, I spotted a vehicle idling near by. The driver's window was open and there was a cocker spaniel sitting on the lap of his owner in the driver's seat as if he was cruising the strip with his paw out the window. I snuck up on him and took a little snap shot. Then I went over and gave him a pet. Honestly, it was such a sanity restorative act they should pay this man to sit in front of the ER just like that every day. (the spaniel owner was a nice guy too) Yup, dogs are my thing right now.