I don't know what is going on with me but everything hurts. My knees are on fire, back entire lower back feels like it might crack like a windshield and there is some kind of pinched nerve in my left side jaw. That jaw nerve hurts when I sleep on my right side or when I brush my hair or move my head. Also, I am exhausted, which might be because I am two weeks in on a detox, but I figured I'd feel light as air and completely giddy by now. Maybe this time it's all just of life's stress puddling in on me.
Speaking of stress, today is the big day that I have been waiting for for months. Today we get to see THE GUY who specializes in researching the brain disease that they told us at Yale was their best guess as to what is going on with the husband. On the one hand I would like answers, on the other hand there are no happy endings, so the answers will all totally suck and send me down the road to reality, which if I am going to be real about I may have been hiding from as best as I can.
In other news we have a potential buyer for utopia, which makes me sad but relieved. I'm not going to discuss it (pretending that I'm not thinking about it day and night) until there is an actual deal on the table, but I will tell you that I am wearing myself out trying to make plans for either outcome. At this point I don't even know which outcome I would prefer. Mostly it depends where I am when I am wondering about it. If I am not in utopia when I am wondering about it I think I'll be fine and make another special spot somewhere else. If I am in utopia I feel like desperately clinging to the place even if it means not using the lights, or heat and eating nothing but rice and beans for the rest of my life.