So much to say.
First: I walked in the NY Women's March last Saturday. Total solidarity. It felt fabulous, especially since I have been feeling completely isolated since election day. It was really what the doctor ordered. For real, I would do it over and over and over again if that was the one way to change things.
Second: I'm totally sure more life happened to me since last Saturday but right now I can't recall a thing.
Third: In general I'm feeling really tired and sad and I am sure that is almost all because of the doom this administration (can not bring myself to use the P title with the T name) will bring upon us. For real, I am already mourning the loss of the environment and am convince that irreparable damage is right around the corner. Then I am concerned for the people who will die without health insurance and social security. Women's rights, racism, homophobia, you name it. It's all so inconceivable to me! How can such monsters be in positions of power after everything we know from history? I did read one uplifting article today which argued that the rebound from this debacle could put the US in the opposite direction for the next 50 years. At least if that happens I will be dead before everyone loses their grip on reality again. My biggest challenge will be making through the next four years. As an artist I need to channel this energy into some powerful work, but this kind of energy makes me want to crawl under the covers. Must reconcile that.
Probably the reason I feel artistically mute right now is because as a child anger was not an option for me. I was certainly trained from the beginning to just sit back and smile no matter what was shoveled onto my lap. Tough to reprogram at my advanced age. Maybe my art can be about that-about not feeling like I am allowed to be angry. Or about sex, because in the end sex sells, right?
Speaking of sex, I have got to write my book! I am going to sit down tonight and sketch out a rough draft of the book. REPEAT: I AM GOING TO SIT DOWN TONIGHT AND SKETCH OUT A ROUGH DRAFT OF THE BOOK. Just trying to get that through my own thick skull. I mean, really, it isn't going to get written if I don't write it, right? This book needs to get written.
When I was a little girl I used to imagine myself as a guest on Johnny Carson and he was always interviewing me about the book I had written. Maybe I was a psychic little girl! And Johnny Carson was really some other late night host, take your pick, I'll talk to any of them! (Not going to tell you which are my favorites!)