Have I ever gone on and on about how much of a morning person I am and how completely unabashedly worthless I am in the evening? I'm sure I have. So, it will not surprise you to know that I like to go to bed on the early side, and by that I mean in time for me chill out in bed a bit so I can fall asleep approximately 8 hours before I have to get up because I like getting the whole 8 hours. Last night I hit the hay and shut my eyes around 10:15. I left sweet pea lounging on the couch with the husband because I figure the later she goes out at night the better and also because I "encourage" (the not-bitchy word for angrily snap at) the husband to take sweet pea out because most days walking around the back yard is the only exercise he gets. The other thing you need to appreciate is that when I fall asleep I fall hard, because I am tired at night, you know, like I should be, because ... night.
So, I am as dead to the world as can be at almost midnight, when I feel the husband's cold old man fingers shaking my leg, and I realize that he is sitting on one side of me and that sweet pea is on the bed on the other side of me and I can not breathe because the air is thick with the stench of skunk. I manage to reach the stage of awareness when I can mumble and he says "I think sweet pea and me just got sprayed by a skunk." I jump up, because they have crossed a big old serious line in the sand my breaching my sanctuary of sleep with skunk funk on them and I just start yelling at them both to get out. He takes sweet pea and runs off to the spare room downstairs. A few minutes later I awaken enough to stagger out of the room and Evan, who is up late doing school work, greets me in the hall and tells me that it stinks in his bedroom and the skunk much have been close to the house. I can't figure it out, in my half awake state. if the smell is inside or outside or what and I decide to leave sweet pea with the husband in the down stairs spare room and try to go back to sleep. Well, despite not being fully awake I am in an incredible adrenaline rush and lie there for over an hour before sleep returns. But it isn't good sleep because I am quite certain I smell skunk right beside me. Finally my alarm goes off and I am actually awake awake because morning and I figure out that my entire bed (meaning the four various blankets (don't ask) and even somehow the pillow case on the empty side of the bed) is covered in skunk funk. I don't bother taking a shower because I know what is in store for me and I throw on clothes that are suitable for giving a dog a bath and I get Josh ready for school, release sweet pea from the heavily funky spare room just as we walk out the door so that she does not contaminate the rest of the house and I figure I will bring her to the woods until the place where you can bathe your dog is open.
So I get to the place where you can bathe your own dog and to make a long story short, they don't let you in the door if your dog reeks of skunk! Somehow you can only wash your clean smelling dog there, so I buy some peroxide at the pharmacy next door, drive back to the house and drag sweet pea into my bathroom, tie her into the tub and proceed to mix up a brew of peroxide, baking soda and dish detergent with which to de-skunk her. Three shampoos later she was odor free, and then I stripped down and took my own shower and then the rest of the day happened.
Tonight yours truly will be doing the last walk of the night and it will be on a leash! Also, look for yourself, I am quite sure sweet pea is plotting some sort of revenge.