A few weeks ago two male dogs got into a growling match in the meeting/open space of the woods and when one gave chase the other spooked and ran down the path, through the parking lot, onto the streets, and disappeared. He was found the next morning on someone's lawn, partially eaten by what we assume was coyotes, which are often seen in the early hours roaming the woods and the surrounding area. I've been really sad about it, imagining what I would feel like if sweet pea went missing and met some kind of awful fate. My heart breaks for the dog and for the owners.
So, today when I was walking the woods with a friend and one of the men called her to let her know that an older and not entirely healthy dog (who belongs to the sweetest old guy ever) wandered away and was lost we immediately headed down to where the dog was last seen to help search. The good news is that my friend found the dog, right outside the woods, sniffing around on an adjoining street. The insane part was that on our way to help out we ran into one of the guys who often walks with the core group of nice dog owning guys and we told him we were running down to help search. This guy, who was headed out of the park and who should have been the first to go searching since he was walking with the super sweet older guy, said I wouldn't bother, you're wasting your time.
WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?! I didn't say Tony lost a button off his shirt, or even his keys, or phone. I said Tony's old sick dog is lost!!
I told him something along the lines of more eyes are never a bad thing and we hauled ass down the path. Are you getting why I am feeling anger right now? I want to take a baseball bat to this guy's head. WASTING MY TIME????
The background on this guy is that he may or may not have tried to kill his wife after he recently found out she was cheating on him and I am now convinced he is not only a total psychopath but also guilty as sin. I almost want to call his cheating wife, offer sympathy and extra warn her. (He isn't allowed with some distance of her- but still, I feel like she might need some validation from a total stranger) I recently tried to convince psychopath it would be a good thing for him to move to Florida (before I had decided he is an attempted murderer and psychopath) and I am happy to say that he is entertaining the idea, (because, get your crazy self out of my woods!) but now I feel like someone needs to warn Florida!! OMG. Wasting my time.....
In other news, (OR, more accurately) For the most awkward segue ever.... I went to a concert with my BIL last night. This is the heart warming way he asked me to go with him. "I bought these tickets a long time ago and now wifey doesn't want to go. If you don't go with me the tickets are going to waste and I'll be throwing money away." The man is a charmer, is he not? I am telling you people, I married into a family of smooth operators.
Just got back from laughing myself silly. Where was I?
Oh yeah, the concert. On this planet there are folks who should never be allowed to roam past the corner dive bar and two of them sat directly in front of us last night. I will now describe in painstaking detail the uncomfortable horror of sitting behind the teeny tiny Melanie Griffith character in Working Girls before her transition while she was still trashy and cheap looking, except the Melanie in front of me was older and wore much smaller and tighter clothes, and what Billy Joel would like if his neck disappeared and his head just balanced right on top of his shoulders and he was in a constant seizure (or, worst white boy dancer ever) and couldn't quite open his eyes because he was also drunker than drunk. So, first we get there and extra tacky Melanie character can not stop whispering into neckless Billy's ear. It wasn't the "I have something interesting to say" kind of whisper it was the "I have some foreplay sex talk" kind of whisper. Also, Melanie was the handsiest public mauler I have seen since I went to the local dive bar in college where everyone was getting wasted on 10 cent beers in order to justify hooking up with strangers. By the third song in they were sucking face. Literally. I could hear the squishy spit sounds because the warm up guy was a one man solo guitarist who was paying at a normal volume. I hear what you are thinking internet. You're thinking, LOOK AWAY!! Which makes a ton of sense until you know that we were seated a bit on the side and I was in a seat where my gaze to see the stage was exactly between the heads of Melanie and Billy. Which I couldn't really see anyway because some idiot kid in the front row with a backwards baseball hat was the single person in the entire audience standing was directly in front of the warm up guy to listen to him while he was combination jerking around his whole body like a drummer and hand gesture/acting out the songs the warm up guitarist was performing. Also, despite Melanie's diminutive size, her yellow cotton candy fried hair took up some serious airspace.
I suspect that for my own personal happiness I should forever more live life from the comfort of my own house in front of a giant screen television.
Question: What is more unappealing than drunk young people? Drunk old people! And the minute it was intermission Billy ran to the bar for more drinks, since I guess he liked the way drunk Melanie was already spilling her warm up guy drink onto her boobs and also she was so drunk she could barely stand and who doesn't find that sexy?!? While they were mauling each other, fresh drinks in hand, drunk Billy stuck his hand down the back of Drunk Melanie's low rider jeans and fondled her tiny little (but nicely shaped, I will give her that) ass not even a solid foot away from my face because I was seated at the time. I took a picture. barf.
Anyway, the actual band came on stage and then everyone stood and drunk Billy did this dance move which made Elaine Bennis look like a ballerina. Also, drunk Billy was not seizing to the actual music in the room. So, no rhythm, no moves and part of the whole jerky eyes closed weird ass performance involved a limbo like backwards bendy move with a loopy forward kick, from which he almost lost his balance about every 5 minutes and which I was prepared to shove his falling self away from my BIL because no one hurts the men of the family I married into! Except me! Just kidding. I never hurt a fly. But seriously, I was worried about the BIL, and didn't want this repulsive neckless dude to end up over the back of his chair and on my date for the evening. I could not look away!! In the mean time clingy Melanie who could literally barely stand also could not bear being more than, well, no distance away from drunk neckless Billy, and since Billy was edging out into the aisle to seize/dance Melanie was heading that way too, until the poor usher made his way through every ten minutes and tried to shoo all the drunk (and by drunk, I mean drunk and stoned because there were hordes of people sucking on vapes too) old people back into their rows. That got too complicated. What I need you to understand is that itty bitty extra naked Melanie needed to be touching drunk neckless Billy every moment of the night and she was either pawing him while he was trying to convulse to some magical music that didn't have the same beat as the music in the room or he was leaning in and sucking her face. I feel like they should pay me reparations. I might need a therapy session.
Edited to add: I had a flashback while driving today (must be PCSD- post concert stress disorder) and thought that to really complete the picture I should have told you that little drunk Melanie did actually at some point during the concert make an attempt to dance along with neckless Billy. At first she was doing what can only be described as pole dancing minus a pole and then when that did not grab his attention she took his hand and began to tremble and shake similarly to him, which totally made it look like one of them was being electrocuted and that the current was passing into the other one through their intertwined fingers.