My second year advisor wrote a text book. I am somewhat astounded, as he never imparted any of the wisdom (allegedly contained) in this text book to those of us who were paying cold hard earned cash to bask in his disdain and teaching ineptitude. (Who's in a bad mood? I'm in a bad mood!!)
I swear to you by the very few remaining brown hair hairs on my head (exaggerated) that the dude only ever gave me two answers to my questions during our one on one critiques. His answers were either "I'm not going to discuss that with you. You are a graduate student" or "That is the kind of thing you should be discussing with your cohort." Never once did the dude answer a single question I asked him- n.e.v.e.r - and my questions were directly related to the exact subject of his text book. Jerk. I think I should get a book for free! (I bet it sucks)
Speaking of paying for my own education, sometimes it annoys me as I slowly learn how much money the school gave out to the other students, some of whom were not working up to speed- or left the program, there by giving the school no future return on their investment. I think that if I were to run an MFA program I would only give money to students who were clearly dedicated, working hard, and pretty much a sure thing to graduate. Also, if you dropped out of my school before graduating the grant money would become a loan which would have to be paid back. Sorry, but you don't get something for nothing when I am in charge. I wish I could start a school. A school where women are respected and treated well.
This election is taking it's toll on my delicate sense of .... sense of .... everything. I'm just floating through the world these days, going from one appointment on my calendar to the next, just trying to keep my spaced out head afloat. I'm also going through a spell of not sleeping well, which I think might have something to do with it being time to switch over to the winter blanket, so I will do that tonight, but also with the sadness that I am struggling with. I am so drag your self through and paste a smile on your face sad it is unbelievable. I would love to have a weighted blanket. I wish I could steal all of the dentist's lead blankets and sew them into one big king sized bed quilt and just heave it over myself every night. Sounds like a dream.
Then yesterday I had to take some test at the gastro-guy which was for bacteria and involved me drinking a somewhat distasteful orange liquid and then blowing air into a bag every 15 minutes for three hours. Halfway through the three hours the stomach pain hit me. My gut was expanding. Then the nausea kicked in and then my face turned frighteningly red, got hotter than sunburn for about 15 minutes and then it mostly except for the nausea gradually faded away. WTF?? I think there was some kind of unfriendly chemical in the orange liquid. The nurses had never seen such a reaction before, so they were all over me, taking my blood pressure (normal) checking my heart rate (normal) but folks, I will tell you that I looked like I had fallen asleep in a tanning bed. And the heat rising off me probably changed the room temperature by a couple of degrees. I'll kick the first person who says menopause, which it could very well have been because I am at that age, but I don't think it was because I didn't sweat and as far as I know a hot flash involves sweating- I just released waves of heat and got back to normal. Also, knock wood I haven't had any hot flashes yet, so I'm hoping to mentally deny them so much that they never happen to me.
A teacher I worked with told me her mother never had any symptoms and she decided she wasn't going to have any symptoms either and then she didn't! So, I have decided that I am going to skip the whole hot flash thing. I have no time for that. And it does not sound like fun, which is the only thing I would welcome some of into my life right now.
Tomorrow I am going to meet up with the photographer I worked for while I was in college and also another woman who interned with him during the same time. We had some good times together and I am really looking forward to seeing them, especially him. He was very important to me. He treated me well, respected me as an artist and taught me his craft. It was all good with him, and it came at a time in my life when I really needed to figure out who I wanted to be and hey look! 30 years later I am still a photographer! (or at least trying!!)