At the airport the kids and I stood by the passage where passengers exited the secure area. Most of the other waiting people relaxed on chairs or leaned against near by walls while waiting. They looked real casual. I looked like my head was going to explode. I so ,uch looked like my head was going to explode that one of the intitial passengers off of Matt's plane took one look at me and without being asked told me which flight he had just come off of. I had to be in the closest possible place I could be. I stood next to sign which warned me that I'd be fined and jailed if I stepped past it.
While Evan was trying to humiliate Josh for improperly touching his toothpaste tube to the bristles of his clearly contaminated disease ridden toothbrush and simultaneously defend his harsher than necessary tactics, I attempted to peer through the windows of the bar which blocked that blocked my view to the walkway Matt was sure to come sauntering in his own take your sweet time through.
When I finally saw my baby after these seven emotional painful disappointing weeks I managed to stifle any weird sounds I typically make and instead reached out my hands and made strange motions as if I was grabbing at the air between us like maybe I had 3-D glasses on and believed he was standing within arms reach. A flight crew was passing by at that very moment and one of it's members turned to see what I was flailing at. She saw Matt slow motion walking towards us and called to him "You should run!" He didn't run, he probably hasn't run since the day he ran from th emailbox and into the house with the great big acceptance envelope from Hipster U., Matt, true to form , continued his leaisurely way to my arms where I grabbed him, hugged him tight, took an inhale and thought "I'm washing every single garment of clothing this stinky man-child brought back with him."
I'm coming to grips with the lacklusterness of this summer. It's as if we spent the whole summer in first gear, swallowing our need for speed. I know Josh felt it too. Everyone around us was pretty slow motion also. I still don't want the summer to end though. I'd like to stay in summer mode forever, even if it did mean living in a low functioning sluggish world.
Poor bear bait is walking worse every day. I know she's in pain too. She used to walk up the driveway and visit the sentry every morning when I let her out to pee. This summer the sentry hasn't had a single visit from her.
In bear bait's youth I used to hear the clicking of her toe nails in the floor when she walked. These days she walks as if we tied big blocky Frankenstein shoes to her paws. She thumps the fronts and drags the back feet. When I hear her walk/thump/scraping across the room my heart just crushes. Walking is her biggest pleasure. Walking is the thing that is our special time together. I wish she could walk. It's tragic.