Well, that was entirely too hard. To be honest but not all blamey- I could have done it by completely fasting if I had not been handling other people's food all freaking day long. I managed to go to a neighbor's fourth of July barbeque/party yesterday afternoon and not put a single morsel in my mouth. Something as seemingly minor as assembling sandwiches? Torture! Forget about cooking sweet sumptuous aromatic food. Shoot me now.
This morning I made a nice breakfast for Josh and then the thought of juicing was just too much. Too much noise, too much mess, too much smelling of green things. I ate my fruit instead of juicing it, which is what I've been doing mostly. One day I tossed a bit of Josh's sandwich ham onto my plate of veggies and another day some turkey breast, but other than those two tid bits of building blocks of life protein I have been 100% vegetable and fruit- mostly juiced and sometimes eaten whole. I have no idea where my weight is and am considering tossing that piece of crap scale into the trash and bringing old faithful to utopia with me when I return from going back to new town on Monday for the husband's doctor appointment and big reveal where I get to see the surical wound for the first time as he gets his stitches removed.
I can tell you though that I wore last year's pants the other day and while they were far from baggy they were also completely appropriate and not entirely painted on or causing an embarrassingly large muffin top spillover. So, this winter's 20 pound gain will soon be thing of the past. Hopefully gone forever. Goodbye lonely and sad binge eating poundage!
I can also tell you that I have been sleeping like a rock, which is interesting. I figured without weiging myself down with daily binge food I'd be alert and awake, which I am during the day, but at night? I'm going right off and staying asleep for the night. Sweet.
I don't feel any miraculous clarity or relief from mysterious undiagnosed ailments or anything like that. I just feel mostly all around fine, kind of annoyed that I am not eating the htings that smell so good, and also still stressed with a husband who is 1 week post surgery and still in a significant amount of pain. I know the whole worrying thing is so bad for me, but worry is what I do, I don't know how to be any other way.
After the party yesterday I came home about 8 where a couple of friends gathered to watch the fireworks of my lake neighbors from my dock. Most years there are 4 people we can see putting on their own illegal (as in they have the good stuff!) fireworks shows. Last night there were no less than 7 people firing off stuff. It was really glorious, and it ended with one friend, Josh and me lying on our floating water trampoline and then it drizzled for a minute before the dark skies opened up in pouring rain! We started to dash into the house and then I said I wanted to go swimming so one friend and I ran back down to the dock and jumped into the water with the rain beating down on us and with our clothes on and everything. It was great. We stayed in until we spooked ourselves wondering if far away light flashes were actually lightening and not distant fireworks, then we danced to the music playing on the front porch while we were still in our wet clothes.
I'm going to take more night swims this summer. I like swimming in the dark.
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