I ate myself into feeling terrible.
Really, I've been a bad path since July when the kids came home from camp. I started off the summer strong, drinking tons of fresh made vegetable juice, using mostly greens, feeling great, walking bear bait 4 miles a day, losing some pounds, and then I didn't just lose my momentum I shifted into reverse and suddenly that marshmallow stash that I had been ignoring all summer started calling my name, and so did the giant jar of honey, and then I started to grab some gluten here and there, and even dairy, until I could barely walk down the stairs, and then I'd snap out of it, and eat clean but too much too sugar, and then another temptation would rear it's ugly head and I'd eat it.
What the hell?
Today, back on the wagon. Again. For the millionth time. One of these days the healthy patterns are going to stick. Since moving to new town, I've gained about 12 pounds, and even had a mild gall bladder attack one night. Hello? Talk about a wake up call. I feel overwhelmingly physically crappy I'm in shock. Really me? I let things get this out of control? I think I've had so much sugar that I have high blood pressure. Either that or salt. (We have a cuff int he house from when the husband was sick last spring) I'm going to clean up my diet for a couple of weeks and if I don't respond fast enough with normal blood pressure, or at least vastly improved blood pressure, I'm going to have to find a new town doc. I've been dreading the new doctor search.
It's all about stress. I'm riddled with anxiety, to the point where I fantasize about taking some pill. Then I eat. I don't take pills, so I don't even know what pill I'd take, but if there was a pill that could cut the anxiety without making me sleep walk through the day I'd think about taking it. Then I wouldn't take it, let's be real, it would be just like the whole bottle of strong narcotic pain relief I had sitting on my bathroom sink until it expired and never took one because I fear the side effects and not being able to wake up in the morning. And addiction.
Did I ever tell you that grandma had a prescription drug addiction going on there for a while? She'd go from doctor to doctor complaining about some kind of pain. She knew what she wanted. She'd dope herself up for days at a time. She wouldn't leave the house. She'd sleep all day and night. Then she got dementia and forgot.
My addiction? Sugar, fat, carbs. Really, anything processed. I'm mad at myself. And my hips hurt. F-ing dairy.