Right off the bat.... Happy New Year Jewish readers!
We went to services today. There were separate services for the under 13 crowd, so in the adult service it was just the husband, Matt, and me. During services the men (and some women in our egalitarian congregation) wear a prayer shawl called a tallit. Once I had lost all focus I kind of looked around the room and then I looked at ad thought about Matt's tallit.
Before Matt's Bar Mitvah when we were visiting my folks in Florida my mom told me that she wanted to give each of my kids their own (very special symbol) tallit. She wanted to start a tradition. The boys don't wear them until their Bar Mitzvah. My mom and dad and me and the kids went to a judaica store near them in Florida and Matt and my mom and dad picked out Matt's tallit. When Matt wore it for his Bar Mitzvah in Israel it was very special.
And I started thinking that now my Dad might remember that tradition that he and mom had tried to start what seems like a million years ago, but was only about 2, or maybe not. And I thought that maybe I should remind dad and suggest to my dad that he go with Evan and Josh sooner rather than later if wants to continue this tradition, but I don't want to tell dad that I walk around with this lump of fear in my throat that his time is about to come to, and before I knew it I was sitting there bawling my eyes out during services and wondering if dad was going to hold on until Evan's Bar Mitzvah, which is still over a year away. Luckily, because I left my normally kleenex stocked purse in the car I was seated next to the mother of one of the kids in my class and she passed me a little travel packet of kleenex, which I was desperately in need of and infinitely grateful for.
Now we are home, I can't shake this awful sad feeling but I am going to make my very excellent brisket recipe just liked I planned, even though it isn't grandma's recipe like that woman at the posh club tells everyone it is, and we'll have apples and honey too and hopefully there will an excess of sweetness in this coming year.