I have been actively trying to pursue a denial reaction while avoiding thinking about THE SPOT. Clearly this has been my (pre-determined and genetically programmed/familial) M.O. from before the beginning when I did no pre-dermatologist appointment SPOT area grooming. I had practically convinced myself that the derm would take one glance at THE SPOT and brush it off, just like she does for every other spot I go running in to show her. Surprise on me!
So, the healing process has been less than ideal/comfortable due to THE SPOT's precarious location in the place where everything comes (rubs) together- including undergarments and sanitary napkins. Needless to say, it's been a trying week (even with out the dental hell aspect) and my mental health/psychological reserve hit 0 about a day and a half ago. Today I tool care of some early morning business, crawled into bed until some afternoon business, picked the kids up from school and am now counting the minutes until I can crawl back into bed. Cheers!
In the mean time I got it into my head that THE SPOT wasn't healing fast enough and that maybe it was infected and when I went back to the chiro for more post dentist jaw realigning today I asked him to see if I tested positive for any bacteria floating around in that area. I hadn't told him about THE SPOT previously and filled him in on it's existence and it's removal. Chiro did his kinesiology voo doo magic testing on me and THE SPOT. I sat there (emotionless) as he tested his vials and then his remedies. It was pretty clear that there was one vial that was showing up as "positive" and once one remedy was indicating it would strengthen me I asked if the vial was bacteria and he told me it was cancer. Tears began to roll down my cheeks, but I tried to keep it together since Evan (aka" the big over reacting to every pain and twinge faker) was in the room getting all of his quirky fakingness tested after mine, and I didn't want him to see me freaking out.
The chiro however did see me almost losing my cool and then, he who (has testicles and therefore can not handle the sight of my big emotional girlie "feelings ahoy!" tears) lives by the power of the vial said "The biopsy could come back negative you have to wait and see." which I thought was just great and now I like totally want all my money back for years of living by the vial if I'm going to think that way! So, I don't really know what to think. Except I do deep down inside think the biopsy will come back positive for cancer. But I am a well known worrier. And I am a part time hypochondriac, that is, when I take a break from my own personal style of denial. Obviously I do have to wait for the more definitive actual biopsy to come back to say cancer or no cancer and also what stage before I can (exhale/really freak out) decide what my next move is going to be.
It's going to be a loooooong mother fucking week. Even longer now thanks to the vile vial.
Also, because cancer alone isn't enough to hold me under, the scumcle called and, fool that I am, I answered the phone without consulting the caller ID. He wanted to know if I was planning anything for grandma on Sunday, her birthday, and really, I couldn't lie, so I told him. And now he thinks he should show up during her "party." Now me and my emotionally fragile self have to deal with him and his cold bitch wife during my waiting period before I get the biopsy results. Not what I need, not what I need at all. I've got your forecast: It's raining shit here.