Usually Monday is a big hit day for me, after the slower weekend. Not this Monday and I know why. It's because the rest of the bolg-o-sphere is still recovering from attending BlogHer, while I (and about 5 other bloggers) have nothing BlogHer-icious to write about. Yes, there are no drunken laughing hotel photos for me. No snapshots of me with incredibly famous bloggers, nothing of me sitting in conference rooms at big tables with my laptop all fired up ready to go. I feel so left out.
From this weekend I have nothing to show but a freaking SPEEDING TICKET!! A speeding ticket that was given to me when I wasn't speeding!! The thing is people, I don't speed! And I wasn't speeding today. This cop pulls out behind me and 3 other cars who are all going the exact same speed, (which happened to be 65 when we passed him, I know this because they all stepped on the brakes and so did I since I was in the end of the line) and I think I better make my way to the left so he can pass me. Except he goes left right behind me so I go to the leftest left and he does again, so I stupidly think to myself "Omigod I bet the bikes are hanging off the bike rack." because I wasn't speeding. I ASS*U*ME that the cop is trying to some how help me. HAAHAHA.
SO I pull over and so does little Napolean, the cop, and I ask "What is going on?" and he says "You were speeding. I got you going 86 down that hill over there." People, clickmom DOES NOT go 86. This is just ridiculous. I go 75ish in a 65, so if you said "I clocked you going 78." I would absolutely admit my guilt, but 86???? I do not think so! I was outraged. This little f**ker cop gave me a ticket for something that I wasn't doing. Also, I was in a line of cars all going the same speed (75ish) and I want to know why he picked me? According to Boops since it is the last day of the month cops have to fill their monthly ticket quotas, and are on the prowl, but "HEY ASSHOLE- HOW ABOUT TICKETING AN ACTUAL CRIMINAL???" I am sure without a doubt at the very moment Napolean was ticketing me there was an actual crime going on in Bedford NY, or at least some other driver saying "Look at that dangerous driving guy in front of me, where are all the cops when you need them?" Because I spend enough time on the road having that very same thought, and there is never a cop around when some idiot is weaving in and out/left and right going insanely fast in front of me and my kids who are going 75ish!!!
I mean does Napolean have a game going on down at the station with his testosterone ridden cops buddies?? Do they get extra points for ticketing a fat housewife? Gas guzzling SUV? Bonus! Three kids in the car- oooh, more than the national average, score another point, cute dog in the backseat, another half point. Bike rack +2 points with a bonus point for the training wheeled bike. And if there is light music playing in the background another half point (except I was listening to a smutty comedian on XM Comedy so I turned the radio off before rolling down my window SO HA!)
Now I got a ticket halfway between Stepford and Utopia and how the hell am I going to talk my way out of this one? My one hope was the Garden State police issued Press Pass that I keep in my front window. But 1. it was partially obscurred by a misplaced photo of the kids I keep in the visor (dammit dammit dammit!!) and 2. Napolean probably wasn't tall enough to see it anyways. GRRRRRRR I HATE HIM!!
Of course, as I drove away from the ticketing, I thought to my self, it was all payback in a big way because at B's party the other night the one story that had me rolling out of my seat hysterical laughing was the story where a lady had to call the cops to explain to them that someone had grafittied her contractor's lawn sign. What did the grafitti say? I FUCK PIG and through my laughter I did manage to chole out something about any story with cops and that particular sentiment was perfect for a cop hater like me. It's karma coming back to bite me in the ass. I know it. Damn.