clickmom

Drop the misspelled word and put your hands up!

I may have whined mentioned the size of my feet a time or twenty seven two before.  For anyone new here, to put it simply, my feet are huge.  The truth is that my feet would be totally proportionate to my height if I were 6'5" instead of 5'6".  Sigh.  Anyway, when you have the kind of Fred Flintstone feet that inspire jokes about boats and wearing the shoe box instead of the shoes finding shoes in your size is annoying enough, but finding girl socks in your size is really a challenge.  You can imagine my joy when a few years ago I discovered nice, girls wool everyday socks in my size!  I bought a whole bunch of them.  And I wore them all the freaking time often. You can imagine my dismay as I burrowed through the vast wilderness of summer sock chaos to find my warm and toasty wool socks of previous perfection only to discover as I pulled on each every single one that each and every single one was completely ravaged and totally thread bare.  Beyond. Salvation.

That is why today, when I slipped out of the infirmary house for a couple of hours of ME time to do an errand )or several), I drove like a mad woman to stopped by the outdoor store and bought myself a dozen new pairs of wooly foot warming goodness.  Now I feel complete (ly snuggly.)

Not to change the subject or anything, but I have failed in my attempt to not volunteer for anything this year.  They called me from the school and asked me to be the photographer for Josh's class for the third grade yearbook.  How could I say NO to that?  It's like saying NO to Josh, which, um, have you seen that smile?  Those chubby cheeks?  Those amber eyes?  The freckles?!?  I can't say NO to Josh!  But anyway, I was hoping to just kind of take the pictures and not have to actually relate to any of the committee members, but I got on the email chain and I got my panties in a wad today when they asked me to take an arial photo from one of the teachers windows.  ARIAL??  Isn't that a Disney princess?  I answered the email, mentioning the AERIAL photo and I am waiting to see if anyone dare uses the word again.  I'm a member of the spelling police.

Facebook

Sometimes I try to look up old friends from my educationally disjointed childhood.  Unlike my suburban contemporaries, I didn't go all the way through school with one single person.  First, I went to elementary school, grade 1-6.  (they had a K but we didn't live there yet).  Then all my elementary school friends were being sent to the private prep school for rich upper east siders and I ended up at the public JHS.  Then I skipped a grade, because back in those days they had this accelerated deal where you did 7th, 8th and 9th in 2 years and I was all about getting out of my parents house ASAP when I was 12 and decided that was the program for me.  Then, during 9th grade when it was time to take exams for the specialized high schools (a NY thing) I only took the test for the science schools.  My parents figured that if I didn't make it in they would pack up and head for Westchester. (which was something they always talked about but never did)  I got in, but here is the hitch- that year the difference between Stuyvesant and Bx Science was a single point.  I made it in to science by the skin of my teeth and my two best pals headed off south to Stuyvesant, my train went north to da bronx and that was the end of that.  

So here is the thing.  I tried to find my BF from grades 1-6.  She had a tough life, and eventually left the prep school to live somewhere else with her father (all my friends before JHS came from divorced/single parent families except one) and I'd occasionally hear rumors that she was having a bad relationship with her mom or something and in the end I never saw her again.  In the mean time, now it's 2009 and I tried to find her on Facebook.  What's up with all the sunglasses on facebook?  Or worse, pictures of cupcakes or babies or scenery for profile pics. You aren't a baked good!  Show me your FACE!  

I saw a woman, looking about my age with my old BF's name, who could totally be my old BF and I sent her a message.  She says she isn't my old BF.  I don't believe her.  Crazy right?  Am I losing it over here?  You tell me.  Is this totally her or what?  (keeping in mind that her mother worked for a plastic surgeon so my friend's future nose job was always a topic of discussion in her house) 

But then I saw this other chick and I wondered if Amy W could have gone blonde and I thought I might send a message out to her too.  Just in case.

Speaking of names, I finally learned that there is someone with my same name (who is known by just about every freaking body) who lives in the town where my photo is hanging in the gallery/frame store.  I don't like that, which only reaffirms my decision to work under my maiden name.  It's much less common and also gives a nod to dad, he was a really great guy.  Today is his birthday.

melancholy: a deep, passive and long-lasting sadness

I'm there. 

Yesterday I packed my lap top and headed off to the bucks (free wifi) to try to get some photo cards ordered for this show Peanut talked me into being a vendor at.  I decided that I'd be safer from the out of control wild running kids on one side of the coffee house over the other, and sat down with my grande soy latte on what I deemed would be the quiet side to tackle the ordering feat.  I couldn't focus.  And my phone kept ringing. And then this toddler, who instantly reminded me of all 3 of my kids rolled into one compelling little human being turned the corner of the ordering counter and looked right into my soul.  And this kid, with his clean cut hair style and his corduroy overalls sat down with his dad right next to me.  The dad whipped out some books, and the kid who could have been my own, and maybe, just maybe in a shocking moment that totally hit even me, a middle aged heart as cold as stone mother completely by surprise made me wish for one more perfect little toddler to snuggle with and read a book to, chose Dr. Seuss, a click family favorite, and something about the way this awesome dad and his polite gentle kid had going on made me want to cry.  (Also I was wearing my granny reading glasses and I felt like whistler's mother, which is never a good feeling, because the dad?  Adorable too!)

I sauntered over to Josh's school at 3 o'clock and spotted the friendly grandmother down the block picking up her grandson.  When the grandson saw his grandmother standing there he ran over, hugged her around the waist and slipped his hand into her pocket to retrieve a piece of the halloween cache the grandmother was divvying out piece by piece.  The grandmother turned to me and said her grandson always knew there would be something for him in her pocket.  The grandson turned his sweet face up towards me,  nodded knowingly, and whispered "It's nice" like this was something new to me that needed to be explained so I could understand.  Except, that is the kind of grandmother I had, so I totally understood.  As soon as they turned to walk away my eyes welled up.  I really miss my grandma.  People I don't even know started asking me if I was okay and that just made things worse.  I wasn't breathing, I couldn't talk,  and I didn't want Josh to see me crying AGAIN.  I managed to almost pull it together by the time Josh's class walked out and then I avoided eye contact.  Josh was looking at his love interest anyway.  

This morning I sat down to check my email and there was an email from my long lost Bubbles!  Remember, she moved back to California, where she is originally from, last June.  The subject line said HI.  The body went like this:

Hi Amy,

I was thinking of you today...........my mom died.

I was remembering when you went through this.

I hope you and your family are doing well.

I love seeing your thoughts on facebook it reminds me of the many conversations and life experiences we have shared.

You are a wonderful person, don't ever doubt that.

Amy, you have a heart full of love........ I encourage you to share it often with those around you.

Blessings and love,

Bubbles

You know when you see the family members of someone who was killed or hurt on television and the survivors keep saying that they want to catch the bad guy because they don't want anyone else to ever have to go through what they have been through? That is what I feel like, except what I am going through here is life and I can't stop parents from dying.  Bubbles mom died of cancer too.  Maybe it's not a dying thing but a cancer thing I should rail against.

I know I'm a mess, I just wish I was a hot mess.

*At the opening reception (I won!!) the other day, John, this guy I hang with (only one under 65) at the meetings asked me if I had done any shooting lately.  I told John that the award winning photos had been taken in early September.  John went on to tell me that he had just taken two days off from work, packed up his gear and spent four full days (weekend included) camping and photographing in Vermont.  That settles it!  I want a wife!!

*I spent about 5 hours on the phone the past few days with some very nice young ladies in tech support from the place where I am trying to order some photo cards from.  I had to say "I'm really sorry, I am incompetent with (any number of things)" about a million times, until I finally gave up what I was trying to do and did my cards the way I didn't exactly want them.  In my dream world I can hire someone to do all the techie stuff for me.  Maybe the wife can be a computer whiz too.

*And finally, I'll part with these thoughts:

How I know the holiday season is upon us:

4. I tossed NINE catalogs straight into the recycle bin within 3 minutes of getting the mail today.

3. Jacked up advertising aimed towards kids.

2. Holiday display up in local drug store.

and most of all:

1. St@rbucks changed to the red cups

3 questions

1. XOXOXO Which are the hugs and which are the kisses?

2. Why do I keep waking (totally wide awake) up at 4:30 AM?

3. And most importantly: Did the woman who assumed that my hair was dyed think so because it looks too good to be true (like Peanut reassures me is the reason) or did she assume I am OLDER than I am?

I WON I WON I WON something

So, strangely enough, after having two pieces accepted into the juried photo show, I wasn't convinced that I was going to attend the opening reception because that meant leaving utopia a few precious hours earlier than planned.  But I have skipped some events in the past (like the graduating ceremony when I got my masters degree because no one wanted to come) and regretted skipping, so I sucked it up and left utopia early enough this morning to go stand in a room for three hours and listen to people (hopefully say good things) talk about my work.

My plan was to head down the utopian driveway around 10 this morning, which meant that in my typical leave late every single time fashion, I headed down the driveway at 10:40.  Not bad for me!  I just couldn't forgo my mandatory road trip cup of joe, speaking of which, after putting 1,000 miles on my truck visiting colleges this weekend I think I need a box of white strips, (I am not kidding- it was like I was trying to single handedly create a coffee shortage) so I made a quick spin through the DD drive thru and foolishly got a large iced joe instead of a medium, and then I thirstily did not pace myself with the afore mentioned large cup of iced joe so I had to pull over at the rest stop at the top of the garden state parkway (where in a completely I'M GOING TO VOMIT NOW move I stepped in a big slippery pile of dog doo right in the middle of the sidewalk) , all of which leads to me being 10 minutes late for the opening.  

After a quick change of shoes, I walked in the door of the art center and there was my editor and her husband just beaming at me because, unbeknownst to a shaking from excess caffeine intake me, BOTH of my photos we given an AWARD OF MERIT.  Oh YES they did!! And as if winning a spot in the show in and of itself wasn't kick ass enough, they gave me a $50 buck prize for each photo and that almost pays for one of the frames.  HAPPY DANCING in stepford tonight!!

Honestly, I'm so happy that I am not even going to look in the dryer to try to understand why the clean sheets that the house keeper dude took out of the dryer to put on my bed while I was in utopia have little green smeary lines all over them.  I'm just going to kick back and enjoy some Dexter tonight, sleep on my new green striped sheets,  and then go my photo class tomorrow and gloat!

score

I chomped down on my lower lip really hard on Friday and now it's still so swollen that I unintentionally bite it at least twice a day, just enough to maintain the tooth sized lump and some low level pain.

Speaking of pain, I also managed to twist my foot, a mere 12 hours after I realized that my two ankles were finally both in fine working order.  This new incident occurred while I was considerately walking the devil, despite my lingering annoyance over the halloween candy incident, and I, being still a kind of kid was walking through a leaf drift, I was carefree as could be, kicking up leaves, when I stepped right into a camouflaged by leaves pot hole.  Yeah.  That made those stroll through the campus college tours a tad bit less pleasant.

Actually, spending two solid days driving around and touring/hiking school campuses with Matt was a real treat.  Matt can't hide in the Matt cave from me when he is next to me in the front seat of the car, and Matt, bless his heart, does things like request the Ray Charles duets album so he and I can sing together.  Usually Matt is Ray, unless the song is a dude duet and the other guy has the deeper voice.  I'm going to tell myself that Matt really does enjoy singing with me and I will not entertain the thought that he does the whole sing along thing just to please me.  (But it does, like you can not believe- especially the part where Evan claims he needs therapy when he witnesses our sing-a-long)

Speaking of Evan, he's driving me crazy with his cranky teenaged extreme attitude, but he does still manage to make me laugh on occasion.  Just today Josh's foot slipped out of his sneaker in the utopian grocery store parking lot and Evan ran over, scooped the sneaker up, ran down the parking lot lane and pretended to score a touch down with Josh's sneaker, including a some what joyous victory dance.  It was something to behold.  Evan got a few utopian stares, and I imagine the utopian natives see a lot of unusual things, so for Ev to be stare worthy adds even more hilarity to the moment.  

Can you see the ducks?

College search

4 colleges 3 states 2 days.I might not get out of my pajamas tomorrow.

Someone needed a snuggy