I seriously regret downsizing from Sylvia to Blue about every 6 days or more. I didn't realize the amount of times I carry other people's children or just an incredible amount of stuff and dog. I still love the gas mileage and it blows my mind to be saving HUNDREDS of dollars a month in gas alone, but damn is this small vehicle is cramping my travelling hoarder style and seriously inconvenient. (Except when parking in Manhattan)
I'm photographing a new person these days. He is a guy from the utopia (which gives me an awesome excuse to get back here often!) and he is so interesting. I spent some time in his house yesterday and realized when I got home that I would like to spend more time there except without him being in the same room. So ...... I have to figure out how to politely and diplomatically tell him I want to do some interiors of his house and can't focus (reality: feel inhibited) when he's there. The guy has been incredibly gracious so far, and I don't want to rock the "let me do anything I want" boat.
It was intersting discussing this new project with my advisor because he is so very spot on with some of his observations, and he immediately called me out on my interest in men who are very much into manly posturing. (meaning the utopian neighbor and the husband) The more I think about that the more I see it in myself. I am fascinated by people who put on big shows for the rest of the world. I think this might be a topic to take to the couch.
Speaking of the couch, my therapist pointed out last week that I often mention "when I don't need therapy" anymore while talking. (As much as I have put myself through the process it is always with the purpose of reaching a place where it is a moot point) and she asked me what it would like to be at the place where I no longer needed it. Now, I've been crying more than usual lately, but I am quite sure that is because it is the end of a long cold snowy winter and I have seasonal affective disorder, crawling in desperation to the spring, PLEASE JUST WARM UP out there or I will go mad syndrome. My gut response was the think that when I was "done" I wouldn't be a weepy person, but I think that isn't true. I think that when I am "done" I won't be a compulsive eater, because my over eating (and therefore weight) is my big life barometer. At least that is the answer I have come up with for next week's session. Unless I change my mind in the next few days, which is always a viable option.