clickmom

my buddy

I couldn't NOT walk bear bait.  When the orthopedist vet assistant told me to give her two more weeks of antibiotics she also said to not walk her for two more weeks.  Obviously the ortho vet assistant does not own a retriever.  Or maybe even an actual dog.  My guess is she is more of a cat person.  

First I took bear bait off the anti inflammatory and off the (whale tranquilizer) pain killer and she was fine.  Then Evan frolicked with her in the back yard and then he and I gave her a 20 minute "test walk" and she did not limp or appear to be in pain afterwards. This morning I took bear bait on a short hike.  It was a glorious day, the nut meg state is in full bloom, the forest is lush, and bear bait was in heaven. The thing is, so was I.  Bear bait and I are totally zen we are walking together.   I have come to terms with the fact that I might actually need a dog in my life every day, always and forever.  I just like (require) having a little furry walking buddy.  I just wish my little furry walking buddy didn't whine so much during the 22 hours a day when we aren't walking.  I love her anyway.

limpers

So, the off color joint juice that they extracted from bear bait's elbow was not infected after all.  It did however have too many inflammatory markers which according to the staff at the orthopedist vet (he must be too important to make the phone call himself, but not too important for the inflated invoice.  ahem ahem)  in all likely hood means some kind of tick disease, not necessarily lyme, which she tested negative for.  Since bear bait stopped limping after a couple of days on her antibiotic (also taking pain killers and anti inflammatories and not going out for walks, so really, was it the anti biotic?) they just gave me two weeks of pills to really knock what ever it is out and hopefully she won't start limping again afterwards. They did not 100% rule out some nefarious auto immune disorder, but want to go this antibiotic for unnamed tick disease route first.  I would think that for over 2K they'd at least have a deinite answer for me.  It's been frustrating.  Also, bear bait hasn't had a walk for a week and they want to me to not walk her for two more weeks.  I can not follow that instruction.  Maybe I can drag it out for the rest of this week, but I'm not going to be able to torment her with two more weeks of non walking.  If she is going to start limping again I'd rather know sooner than later anyway.

Speaking of limping, Josh (sprained ankle)  is spending another day on the couch.  Tomorrow I am making him go to school because I just want my days to myself. I'm getting a curious case of "want to be alone"  and I want to be alone a lot. Most of the time, actually.  I can see myself becoming quite hermit like on day.  But back to Josh, I brough thim to his rehearsal yesterday because this is the last week before the paly this weekend and they ahve rehearsal every day.  I thought the director would faint, but they were cool as cucumbers.  They've seen it all ebfore and even discused writing the crutches in to Josh's misfortunate in other ways as well character.

Happy Mother's day to me

I started Mother's Day by not going for a walk since bear bait is still on bed rest, and I feel guilt ridden for going out for a walk without her.  Also last week I had a few days of nausea and got off my entire running/walking schedule.  But tomorrow I am back to running.  I don't care if I end up wretching on the path, I wil be out there! 

I stayed home and decided to tackle my grad school reading list.  I'm on book 1.  Go me.  I'm gonna love this.  I can't wait to have people to discuss these books with!  The only person who wants to discuss any thing with me these days is Evan and he thinks like a teenager, which means he has all the answers, what ever I think is ridiculous.  I think his perspective is tiny, naarrow and crafted to evade personal responsibility.  Also, I feel like he is yelling at me, so it's uncomfortable.  I hope there are other not young any more people in this program with me,  Fingers crossed for wise with age comrads who would like to respectively and calmly share ideas about any and everything art and photo related.

Then Josh limped out of bed and I realized that he wasn't kidding when he said he hurt foot last night tripping on a hallway rug.   I took him to the emergency room.  (Yes, that makes one birthday in the Er with Mr. burnt feet and one Mother's Day in the ER with a limping child)  It's sprained, so not the biggest worst situation.  But still , on Mother's Day!!  Crutches are not going to be much fun for J baby.  I just hope he doesn't fall again!

Then the family gave me some gifts, like a new back pack, which fits my huge 17 inch lap top (much needed) , and a coffee cup that looks like a big honking photo lens (very cute.)

Then I found out that the surprise they aranged for me was to go to a show and out for Ethiopian food for dinner.  

Unfortunately the hour long drive into the city took 2.5 hours and we missed the show.  I know! But I did get the Ethipian food, which I enjoy so much that I fantasize about it.

Now we are home and tomorrow I get to see Evan off to school, the husband off to the airport, (business trip) and then I am home with limpy dog and limpy child.  I'm going for an extra hard run tomorrow.  I have a lot to run off.  

rejoice

So, Evan has been driving for a couple of weeks already.  he got his permit on his birthday.  I happened to mention to Josh that one of the things Evan has master is slowing down while turning and Josh gulped and asked me if I had ever seen Evan play a video game.  I said I had not been watching Evan play video games and then Josh, with pity in his eyes, told me that Evan prefers to accelerate during a turn because he is big fan of drifting.

Speaking of Josh, he is on a school trip since Monday morning.  Life with one kid is a walk in the park.  So freaking easy.  

At the butcher counter I asked for an entire brisket today, not realizing that that what they usually give is half a brisket, so now I have enough brisket going into the freezer to feed the four of us some future meal and enough brisket left over from tonight for brisket sandwiches tomorrow.

Speaking of sandwiches, I have been grain free since Saturday.  Feeling great.  Not entirely sure if it is grain related or if it has more to do with the buckets of supplements I've been gagging down three times a day.  Something is working.

Speaking of working, I think the pain killers are working for bear bait.  They are working on her personality!  She has hardly barked at all the  last two nights.  She didn't even totally flip out when a huge hawk landed in our backyard and lurked for a bit before spreading it's tremendous wings and pushed itself into the air and glided away.  I hear the neighbors are rejoicing. 

 

mostly b.b.

My good news is my bad news today.  The good and bad news is that because bear bait started limping last week, and because this is her third limping episode and because these episodes don't occur in a pattern the astronomically overproced veterinary orthopedist finally made some headway into her problem.  Today they extracted some fluid from her joints, all of which made her cry out in sad heart breaking doggy screams when pressed, and at least one joint fluid showed obvious signs of infection.  Poor bear bait is on three medicines tonight.  She is on a heavy duty pain killer, an anti biotic and an anti inflammatory.  Hopefully when her lab results come back it shows that she is on the correct antibiotic for what she has brewing in there.  I don't want to waste any of her time with the wrong medicine.  I feel completely guilty that in retrospect there were signs, like her overly excessive barking of the past couple of months, and also she cried when I was brushing her and I went to brush the area around her shoulders.  I feel kind of bad.  She's probably been hurting for a long time now. 

I was thankful to the regular old vet, who sent me back to the vet orthopedist, who reassured me that I did not hurt her by walking too much. (We've walking more lately because of the beautiful spring weather) or taking her to the beach (she started to limp on the beach last week, I thought maybe she had cut her foot on a shell.  The beaches here are very sharp shell covered)

In the mean time they don't want me to walk her at all for the next two weeks.  I can tell you that they are going to have to provide more pain killers for her if they think she is going to lie around the house for two whole weeks.  This is going to be as torrturous for her as the pain.  This girl loves to be on the go and I love to be on the go with her.

There is one woman who lost her dog last winter who still shows up at the fields and still walks with the other dog owners.  Sometimes I wonder if I might show up once bear bait is gone.  Nine is freaking ancient for a flat coated retriever, and I guess a part of me knew she hasn't been feeling well for a while.  But what I am asking myself now is wether or not I can go up the fields and leave bear bait at home!  I do love walking, and I do want to keep on with my running.  Yeah, I will be there without her.  

Speaking of running, I got a massage yesterday because I am trying very hard to find someone who can relieve my own pain, which is shoulder and upper arm from when I slipped on the ice and ended up hanging myself from the seat belt by my wrist last winter.  My shoulder never recovered and I don't feel like going to the chiro I've been using here.  Too rough.  So I opted for acupuncture instead and driving home from acupuncture yesterday I decided to stop in at new massage parlor that looks more like a head shop or a chinese food take out place from the outside because someone recommended it to me and it was a fabulous massage.  This woman worked my hips and holy hell they were tight, but this morning when I ran (I'm off schedule) I could feel the improvement, so massages might be in my future.  Luckily when you look like you might be selling porn in the back room your massages end up being pretty reasonably priced. 

I've been grain free since Saturday because the guy who I am going to for acupuncture is actually a naturopath and he is putting the pressure on me to clean up my diet.  No time like the present.  (I don't ever say, that is totally not my saying)  I know that I can't keep putting it off forever.  It's only been four days but between the inflammation that has begun to subside and the five pounds of water retention the scale says I lost I am already feeling quite relieved.  This time around I have to keep it up.  I can't continue to abuse my body with stuff that isn't even food.  

Shiraz

That last post was old old old. I guess I never published it off my phone. I'm at the theater and I forget how the AARP crowd loves perfume. It reminds me of my mom. All my friends are at the public school for the sixth grade concert. I got to hear Josh participate in a drum circle last week. I like private better. Anyway, there is always a wine tasting before opening night and I'm pretty psyched because I found a pretty good Australian Shiraz that is reasonably priced. By now I'm not feeling the pain of Evans afternoon driving lesson during which he did not brake when I screamed brakebrakebrake when the idiot before him stopped in two lanes. I'm not sure I have the right disposition for teaching driving. I do have the right disposition for wine tasting though. Yay Shiraz!

Good day still worried

Went skiing with Josh and Ev today. Luckily two of Evan's friends were there for him because Josh and I are the bunny hill type. Evan is a good skier. I'm so tired I could melt into the couch.

I'm totally anxious about hearing from the other university. They said second week in March. I am compulsively checking my email. I wish they could know how badly I want it.

I'm too scared to walk on the lake even though its so frozen there are snowmobiles zooming by. Maybe that is how I met my demise in a previous life. My fear is almost irrational. Definitely too big for a city girl who never even stood on a frozen lake until the tender age of 20.

I'm taking a workshop in a printing process called cliche verre. I'm extra psyched because it might also help me to express the color of voices when I get that project underway. I'm ridiculously in overdrive thinking about this project.

larger

I went shopping today.

I had to buy some new clothes in a larger size. 

Sigh.

I'm telling myself it is just fine if I end up going back to my usual clothes half way through the summer.  I feel so bad about all this weight I've gained.  To make things even more complicated I have kept up the running since mid March when Josh and I decided we were going to run.  Now my legs are muscling out.  I wore my extemely wide calfed boots last week and noticed they they were pretty darn snug at the calf.  Which gets me down since I think my calves are freakishly large. Also, I can feel the muscles firming up in my thighs and butt.  Just wish it was all getting smaller instead.

Then when I was driving home from the mall with my bags of new larger sized clothes in the back of my new little car and I saw a very slim lady walking with a friend and this lady had the strongest looking legs (as in big calves) and I thought she had gorgeous legs, so I am telling myself that my lovely legs of the past are still there underneath and when I lose this extra weight I'm carrying I'll see them again.

I need to do some other exercises for the rest of me.

Except I am still feeling the shoulder/neck injury from when I fell out of sylvia and got my arm wrapped in the seat belt and ended up hanging from the seat belt on my way down.  I guess I can do some sit ups.  I wish I had a gym.  I wish I had the posh club.

I also seriously miss our old synagogue.  We had to go to a bar mitzvah preparation event today and being at the new synagogue makes me mis my old one.  Part of it was going to services with the kids, which I can't believe I miss, but I do, and the second thing is that the old synagogue was warm and welcoming and the new one is not.  No one ever even looks at me, let alone tries to talk to me.  

When I put Josh in prvate school and I showed up for a PTO meeting or at the end of the day to pick him up the other mothers all came up and introduced themselves.  Now I know that this friendliness  is kind of mandated by the philosophy of the school but it made me so happy.  It was really nice.  I'm going to try to be that friendly person when someone new shows up.

camera

I had to send my camera back to Canon for a cleaning and a check up and I have been so incredibly worried about it.  There was a disclaimer from Canon which stated that if they could not fix the problem they would substitute a comparable refurbished camera.  I don't want a refurbished camera!  I want my old spotted up sensor camera, which with I am completely zen.

Last night I went to a member's meeting at the local print center.  Remember that I submitted five prints to a miniature print contest and three were chosen?  The director of the center kidded me that his prints didn't make the cut and I got three in.  Yikes!  I didn't know what to say.  But I was smiling on the inside.  

I printed up a little series of 12 prints to submit to a print exchange.  I feel all insecure and unsire of myself and then I have to remind myself that other people will take me seriously if I do.

Speaking of being taken seriously, I am more nervous than I want to admit about graduate school.  Here is a list of my insecurities.  

My camera won't be working by the summer and I am not emotionally prepared to part with it, also I am waiting for a really high mega pixel version to come out before I am emotionally prepared  to replace it.

I am going to be 25 years older than the other students.  My gray hair side burns have been picking up speed this winter.  

I am going to be the worst at photoshop.  I am a purist.  I don't do very much to my photos.

I am going to be all around computer illiterate compared to the youngsters in my class.

I don't know much about current hot photographers or trends.

They might listen to weird music.

I don't want to tell a group of starangers that I have food issues which make me a big pain in the ass to dine out with.

 

deja 4 years later

Things change a lot in four years.  My hair is getting gray, so is bear bait's, we moved (who saw that coming?), Josh grew at about a foot and half and Sylvia is in desperate condition and replaced.

What has not changed in the last four years is the head to toe paralyzing fear while being in the passenger seat during a driving lesson with my own child.  Yes folks, sweet baby Evan turned 16 yesterday and we headed for motor vehicles where he successfuly tested for his driver's permit.  Yay Evan!  The good news is that Evan is a half way decent driver, especially for someone who just spent his first 30 minutes behind the wheel.  The bad news is that Evan wants to go as fast as everyone else does around here, which means (no exaggeration) 15 miles an hour or more over the speed limit on these 25 mph new town streets.  Not cool Evan!  I told him if he got a speeding ticket it was going to be bad bad news.

Which reminds me of the time Matt's driving teacher (in stepford the kids had to have 6 hours with an instructor before going out with their parents) dropped him off after his final lesson.  Matt's teacher said "Well, you won't have to worry about him speeding." which was true.   I'd have to say "Matt, you have to go more than 15!"  With Evan I am already saying "Slow down!!"